Daily fights and no sex…

[Anonymous]

Is this normal on 14+ years marriage ?

Considering divorce but the ripple effect on household budget and private school will be a disaster.

Difficult to find inspiration to want to save the marriage.

[Anonymous]

Divorce.

[Anonymous]

"Difficult to find inspiration to want to save the marriage."

You're not alone.

[Anonymous]

Maybe is normal in 14+ years of marriage.

I don’t hear anyone mentioning his wife with passion at that stage. It’s more about the family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"Difficult to find inspiration to want to save the marriage."

You're not alone.

Thank you for the message.

[Anonymous]

Why would you expect sex if you can’t even go a day without fighting?

[Anonymous]

What are you fighting about?

What do you mean by no sex... infrequent like 1x/month, less, never?

Which started first? No sex or the fighting? It's hard to fight with someone you're having regular sex with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are you fighting about?

What do you mean by no sex... infrequent like 1x/month, less, never?

Which started first? No sex or the fighting? It's hard to fight with someone you're having regular sex with.

Sex 1 a year max.

Daily disagreements. Disapproving several actions during the day (don’t do that, don’t say that, it’s your fault, why do you always do that)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why would you expect sex if you can’t even go a day without fighting?

Don’t expect anything. Just describing the facts. Not blaming my partner, it’s just the current dynamics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you fighting about?

What do you mean by no sex... infrequent like 1x/month, less, never?

Which started first? No sex or the fighting? It's hard to fight with someone you're having regular sex with.

Sex 1 a year max.

Daily disagreements. Disapproving several actions during the day (don’t do that, don’t say that, it’s your fault, why do you always do that)

Is that normal for 14+ years of marriage. I don’t see romantic couples with a marriage that long. Maybe there are but just don’t see them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you fighting about?

What do you mean by no sex... infrequent like 1x/month, less, never?

Which started first? No sex or the fighting? It's hard to fight with someone you're having regular sex with.

Sex 1 a year max.

Daily disagreements. Disapproving several actions during the day (don’t do that, don’t say that, it’s your fault, why do you always do that)

Is that normal for 14+ years of marriage. I don’t see romantic couples with a marriage that long. Maybe there are but just don’t see them.

I wouldn’t say normal. I don’t think sex once a year is normal at any stage of marriage, except maybe extreme old age. We’ve been married 18 years and we certainly fight/argue, but we also have regular sex. Have you considered counseling/therapy? How old are your kids?

[Anonymous]

Not normal. Married 19 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are you fighting about?

What do you mean by no sex... infrequent like 1x/month, less, never?

Which started first? No sex or the fighting? It's hard to fight with someone you're having regular sex with.

Sex 1 a year max.

Daily disagreements. Disapproving several actions during the day (don’t do that, don’t say that, it’s your fault, why do you always do that)

Sounds awful. I’d rather live in an apartment. You both clearly don’t respect each other.

[Anonymous]

All of you transactional people sort of sicken me.

You are willing to sell out your own lives (who you will wake up next to and eat dinner with for the rest of your lives…day in and day out), to afford a lifestyle.

[Anonymous]

You are going through a bad patch in your marriage which is very normal. If there is no adultery, abuse or addiction...then you can turn this around.

The way to change this is by doing three things -
1 - Change yourself. Change your response, remain calm and polite, identify stressors in your life and fix them and read "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus".

2 - Make a genuine effort to fix lack of libido - exercise, healthy food, RX, toys, romance novels.

3 - Tell your spouse what you are planning to do and each time you choose to not fight and be kind, let them know that you are doing it because you want to change and fix your marriage.

It has taken a lot of bad behavior for the love to erode. It will take a lot of nurturing for it to be reestablished but in the beginning, only one person is buying into this. The other person will be reluctant and the trust will need a lot of consistent behavior for it to be reestablished.