I had unrealistic expectations regarding end of life visitors

[Anonymous]

One thing I am realizing that I expected to be more like the movies/tv shows is the number of end of life visitors. My father had a very large friend circle and only one friend has come by to visit. He has advanced stage dementia so he is unaware but I was taken by surprise.

I’m assuming now that this happens more often than not.

Just typing out loud in case anyone else encounters this on their path.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry you’re going through this-it’s a hard, hard time.

[Anonymous]

Pretty normal, everyone but us bailed on my MIL.

[Anonymous]

Yep, it ain’t like the movies. For one thing, it goes on a hell of a lot longer.

I am sorry OP. It is grim.

[Anonymous]

I'm not surprised at all, OP.

I saw this with three of my grandparents. Even if they still had living friends, they were all too depressed/ill/impaired/far away to visit.

My MIL is in a very long-drawn out Parkinson's, has reduced mobility, and even though she has all her wits about her, she can't talk very well and can never be sure how she's going to feel, physically, from hour to hour. Friend visits are not happening.

[Anonymous]

We all die alone, OP.

Even if we have people around us.

[Anonymous]

Sorry op this is sadly what happens its terrible.

[Anonymous]

It happens this way a lot. The friends are of similar age so they're just too unwell to visit.

[Anonymous]

Or consider that sometimes the elderly don’t want their friends to see them unwell.

My late mom was this way. Right before she died, she canceled visits because she was not her energetic and fully engaged self.

[Anonymous]

PP and my BIL made a rough decision NOT to see or visit his mother after she was placed under palliative care. He said he could not endure the emotional distress and so with his siblings’ support said he’d do all of the funeral arrangements and estate transactions.

[Anonymous]

I think it depends upon how healthy the person’s circle is.

[Anonymous]

My mom was in no condition to see anyone at the end of life. And her friends for the most part were in similar stages.

If friends are in reasonable health, it is hard to be confronted with the reality of what could be in the offing in the very near future. The end of my mom's life has totally freaked me out. I dealt with hers, but I now fear my own. I preferred being blissfully ignorant.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe you thought it would be like the movies. Plus, I would imagine a lot if his friends are already dead or too ill/frail to travel if your father is 70+.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry op, but I would think it very intrusive to have people come visit in the end. If your dad has had dementia for years, then he’s been basically gone for a long time too. People probably said their goodbyes and grieved slowly over the years.

[Anonymous]

I also expected the whole family death scene to be more like the movies. After my dad passed, even after the obituary ran in our local paper in the small town where I grew up, no one brought us a casserole or stopped by the family home. There were people at the wake a few days later but I was surprised at how quiet and lonely the days leading up the wake were. They were big church people so I thought there would be visitors.