Shy young adult who can’t ask for things or advocate for himself. Wwyd?

[Anonymous]

Dc is 19 and book smart, hard working but his social skills are weak.. he has friends but not close ones, he had a GF for awhile but she broke up with him.

He’s just shy and scared to advocate for himself. Examples, at dinner, he won’t ask the wait staff for things, he wants me to do it. He lives with roommates now but tip toes around them bc he doesn’t want to upset them (he wouldn’t let me turn on a light in the living room, as ex).

I’m so worried for him. He’s been on an SSRI to help with anxiety in the past but weaned off on his own, and says he doesn’t need it.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Get him a customer facing retail job.

[Anonymous]

How was he when he was on the SSRI?

It seems like he lacks social skills and needs a lot of practice. You can get him a social skills coach to practice with.

[Anonymous]

He can listen to this guy's podcasts.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ZcI2B92JlJU

[Anonymous]

Join gym, muscles often boost young men's confidence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a customer facing retail job.

That’s what I’m thinking. I’m not totally dissimilar from him, and I definitely get better when I’m forced to communicate a lot. It gets easier.

[Anonymous]

I’d let him suffer. I can’t believe you’re ordering for him in restaurants- my kids were doing that before 5! You’ve caused this. Stop helping him by doing things for him. Encourage him to think out what to say and what will happen if he says it. The rest is up to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Join gym, muscles often boost young men's confidence.

He does work out a lot, and you’re right, it does boost his confidence. He’s a good looking guy, just comes off as insecure and shy. Which I hate for him bc I was similar and it does hold a person back from trying things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d let him suffer. I can’t believe you’re ordering for him in restaurants- my kids were doing that before 5! You’ve caused this. Stop helping him by doing things for him. Encourage him to think out what to say and what will happen if he says it. The rest is up to him.

Always the nasty people come out. You must be so bored.

Where did I say I was doing that? He’d like me to on some level, maybe, but I don’t. But he regresses when he’s stressed and will ask me to ask the waiter for the bill when he wants to leave, as example.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How was he when he was on the SSRI?

It seems like he lacks social skills and needs a lot of practice. You can get him a social skills coach to practice with.

Somewhat better but it was around the time he had a gf so it’s hard to say what was the bigger ego boost

[Anonymous]

Some form of martial arts can be great to build up some confidence.

Social skills group

Don't coddle him. He needs to order. You should have turned the light on and showed him his roommate didn't care.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like a social skills coach and a therapist would be helpful. I mean, meds are great, I've been on them. But having techniques to actually work through the issues is really important.

[Anonymous]

Has he been medicated for social anxiety? My biggest life regret is that I didn’t do that in my 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Join gym, muscles often boost young men's confidence.

He does work out a lot, and you’re right, it does boost his confidence. He’s a good looking guy, just comes off as insecure and shy. Which I hate for him bc I was similar and it does hold a person back from trying things.

I figured he must be good looking since he managed to get a girlfriend even with all this going on.

Is there anything he is passionate about? Maybe some groups he can join. His interest in the subject and may be working along side other like minded people could be easier for him than just straight socializing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get him a customer facing retail job.

This. Op, experience. If he wants something bad enough, he’ll do it. Minimize how often you step in and let him build the experience of advocating for himself. It’ll come with practice and experience. The more exposure he gets, the easier it will become for him. If he comes to you for advice, guide him: say xyz, or write xyz. But don’t step in and do it for him, cause that holds him back.