What to do with mean kids at school

[Anonymous]

It happened to my middle school ds that a girl in her class shouted shut the fxx up to her. She was just politely reminding her that the girl sat in her assigned seat before class. She came home very sad.

What do you do or teach your kids to do in such situation?

My ds is a quiet girl with good behavior and good grades at school. She’s never had any drama or conflicts with others at school. We are a family that almost never curses and emphasizes good behavior so it’s a shock to her. The other girl often sat in my ds’ seat so she could chat with her friends during class. She has been reminded by teacher multiple times she should remain in her own assigned seat. But she doesn’t care.

[Anonymous]

Many middle schoolers don’t like when their peers try to enforce rules.

Your kid needs to figure out the pecking order or figure out how to project toughness. Preferably both.

It sucks but that’s been the reality of American middle schools for decades and it’s only getting worse.

[Anonymous]

Tell her to sit at the teachers desk when the other kid does that.

[Anonymous]

It’s a wild world, and it will get worse, unfortunately, due to the “rules don’t apply to me” mindset and example from certain adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Many middle schoolers don’t like when their peers try to enforce rules.

Your kid needs to figure out the pecking order or figure out how to project toughness. Preferably both.

It sucks but that’s been the reality of American middle schools for decades and it’s only getting worse.

Happy to hear more about projecting toughness in such case. Any advice on what to say or behave? But tbh I don’t quite agree with the pecking order thing.

According to my dd (just realized I typed ds above), this girl is one of the group of “popular” kids at school. Very stereotypical group that is loud, not listening, and ONLY cares about fashion, social media and attractiveness to the other gender. I’m not going to tell my dd that she and her group is at a lower level in the “hierarchy” at school. That’s ridiculous!!

[Anonymous]

My sweet sensitive dd had a shock in middle school. She had to toughen up a bit. It’s hard to know what to advise them that won’t make a situation worse.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My sweet sensitive dd had a shock in middle school. She had to toughen up a bit. It’s hard to know what to advise them that won’t make a situation worse.

How did she toughen up? Like what changes were made in her behaviors? I know my child is never gonna have a “don’t mess up with me” vibe, but curious about small tips.

My dd didn’t know how to respond to that kind of curse and her brain froze at the moment. What I told her is that whatever you say there’s always gonna be something dirtier coming back at you. There’s no way to “win”. It’s not worth it to let them occupy your mind and waste your time on it. Your life paths rarely cross in a few years. Honestly, I don’t know what’s the right strategy here, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Many middle schoolers don’t like when their peers try to enforce rules.

Your kid needs to figure out the pecking order or figure out how to project toughness. Preferably both.

It sucks but that’s been the reality of American middle schools for decades and it’s only getting worse.

Happy to hear more about projecting toughness in such case. Any advice on what to say or behave? But tbh I don’t quite agree with the pecking order thing.

According to my dd (just realized I typed ds above), this girl is one of the group of “popular” kids at school. Very stereotypical group that is loud, not listening, and ONLY cares about fashion, social media and attractiveness to the other gender. I’m not going to tell my dd that she and her group is at a lower level in the “hierarchy” at school. That’s ridiculous!!

So you acknowledge she’s popular. Your daughter needs to figure it out for herself, like I said.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to sit at the teachers desk when the other kid does that.

And to throw the belongings of the girl in her seat in the trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell her to sit at the teachers desk when the other kid does that.

And to throw the belongings of the girl in her seat in the trash.

" I curse you to have a terrible life with everyone using you like a toilet paper"

[Anonymous]

She should go sit in the girl's assigned seat and if the teacher says something explain what happened. If she wants to keep her head down.

Alternatively, she needs to loudly stick up for herself. Get out of my seat Ava. Loudly and confidently.

[Anonymous]

Did this girl intend to take this seat or did she want to wait until the last second to make the move? I guess I am asking if the teacher would have noticed if the girl and your DD had switched? In any case, I think your DD should have dumped her backpack on the assigned seat desk and hopefully, she would have gotten the message.

[Anonymous]

PP^^ My response to the girl with the mouth would be, “I didn’t make the rules. Why are you yelling at me? Take it up with Mrs. Teacher.”

[Anonymous]

This sounds like a pretty crappy school. She needs to toughed up or learn to fight back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did this girl intend to take this seat or did she want to wait until the last second to make the move? I guess I am asking if the teacher would have noticed if the girl and your DD had switched? In any case, I think your DD should have dumped her backpack on the assigned seat desk and hopefully, she would have gotten the message.

I guess the kid wants to stay as long as nobody says anything. My dd doesn’t want to swap seats with her. And I don’t think she should if she doesn’t like the idea. I admire she at least said something. I personally think it’s worse if she just quietly swaps seats. There are rules and the seats are assigned. She is a rule follower and wants to sit with other kids she’s already familiar with during this class.

I don’t think she feels any more comfortable with throwing the other girl’s stuff. That’s just not her.
I’ll see if practicing words with her at home would be helpful though she kept refusing to do so.