Would you leave over lack of playing time?

[Anonymous]

My kid did not play much this year. They still enjoyed being a part of a good team, and the practices were mostly good, but there were instances where they were left out during practices, too. As a parent, I saw a significant dropoff in their confidence. When they did play, they quickly gave up possession because they were so anxious. By the end of the season, I was so agitated with how they were treated in games that I couldn't watch them anymore. I'd go for a walk and then make up a few nice things to say to my kid about the game after. We also spent a lot of money and gave up weekends to travel to tournament where their playing time was less than 20%. Am I wrong to tell my kid they can't attend their tryouts this year (even though they say they want to try out again)? The coach may move forward with the kids this year if it matters.

[Anonymous]

Age? Will there likely be any roster changes?

IME the coach’s opinion on playing time rarely changes, if the roster stays the same. So - I’d probably look for a new team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Age? Will there likely be any roster changes?

IME the coach’s opinion on playing time rarely changes, if the roster stays the same. So - I’d probably look for a new team.

Early teen. There will be some roster turnover this year, but I don't expect things to improve with adding new kids. The coaches don't like my kid AND they have the largest roster of any team we play, but for whatever reason, my kid is complacent with their treatment. It's so expensive and time-consuming that I am not okay with them sitting on the bench for all the games. I think I'm looking for validation that telling my kid no is OK.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid did not play much this year. They still enjoyed being a part of a good team, and the practices were mostly good, but there were instances where they were left out during practices, too. As a parent, I saw a significant dropoff in their confidence. When they did play, they quickly gave up possession because they were so anxious. By the end of the season, I was so agitated with how they were treated in games that I couldn't watch them anymore. I'd go for a walk and then make up a few nice things to say to my kid about the game after. We also spent a lot of money and gave up weekends to travel to tournament where their playing time was less than 20%. Am I wrong to tell my kid they can't attend their tryouts this year (even though they say they want to try out again)? The coach may move forward with the kids this year if it matters.

If it's that bad I'd get a different team. It's difficult to wash off the stink of that kind of treatment. I know my kid recently had to switch teams, not for playing time reasons, but the coach just wasn't very good, he wanted his daughter to be the center of attention the entire time, though she wasn't very good. DD ended up playing up a grade level, which means less playing time, but overall, it's a better team. Even though playing less, I think her confidence has improved. So two points, playing time isn't necessarily the only metric, but if the coach is cratering your kids confidence, don't let the door hit you in the tail. It takes a long time to get over that.

Though, even on my daughter's team I can see there are playing time issues with many of the kids not bothering to go to away games. I get that to. Sometimes they play tough competition, it doesn't make sense to put in the kid that just doesn't have the reflexes yet to just get clobbered. No confidence there.

I think the best situations I have seen are when there are enough players to stratify the teams, have two rosters in the leagues and tournaments. A/B teams so to speak. It sucks to be a practice only player.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Age? Will there likely be any roster changes?

IME the coach’s opinion on playing time rarely changes, if the roster stays the same. So - I’d probably look for a new team.

Early teen. There will be some roster turnover this year, but I don't expect things to improve with adding new kids. The coaches don't like my kid AND they have the largest roster of any team we play, but for whatever reason, my kid is complacent with their treatment. It's so expensive and time-consuming that I am not okay with them sitting on the bench for all the games. I think I'm looking for validation that telling my kid no is OK.

Yes I’d look for a new team. Playing time isn’t everything, but 20% playing time is really very little. Too little to develop. Sometimes a coach/team are just not a good fit for a kid.

[Anonymous]

I would if it were me (like I was the athlete) and I am pretty sure my kid would, though she has never been in that situation, but I would not force the issue, no. I would certainly discuss it with me. I think some kids can thrive and work hard to get up to that level, but other kids just lose all of their confidence and don't improve at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kid did not play much this year. They still enjoyed being a part of a good team, and the practices were mostly good, but there were instances where they were left out during practices, too. As a parent, I saw a significant dropoff in their confidence. When they did play, they quickly gave up possession because they were so anxious. By the end of the season, I was so agitated with how they were treated in games that I couldn't watch them anymore. I'd go for a walk and then make up a few nice things to say to my kid about the game after. We also spent a lot of money and gave up weekends to travel to tournament where their playing time was less than 20%. Am I wrong to tell my kid they can't attend their tryouts this year (even though they say they want to try out again)? The coach may move forward with the kids this year if it matters.

Left out during practices ? If true, then it is time to move on. And your child's play reflects a lack of practice and poor treatment by the coaches.

A bad coach can do a lot of harm to a child's self-image & confidence.

[Anonymous]

OP-
If your child’s self esteem is decreasing then it’s time to find another team. The whole long term goal of sports participation from a parental perspective (and barring exceptional skill/talent) is to build confidence and resilience. It sounds like neither is happening here. Time to try a different team.

[Anonymous]

Sitting on the bench is not serving your kid. Your kid's coach is sending a direct message. Switch to a better situation (step down a level of play) before your kid is completely demoralized and quits all together. Ask me how I know this.

[Anonymous]

I am PP - we grew up with a "stick with it" mentality, but it's actually a better life skill to evaluate whether a situation is serving you and make a change if it's not.

[Anonymous]

100%

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sitting on the bench is not serving your kid. Your kid's coach is sending a direct message. Switch to a better situation (step down a level of play) before your kid is completely demoralized and quits all together. Ask me how I know this.

+1000

BTDT

[Anonymous]

Most of the kids not getting playing time would be better served in rec.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Most of the kids not getting playing time would be better served in rec.

Often yes, but depends on the team. I have a kid on a very high level team. There are kids in the team who do not get much playing time but would be stars (and in some cases previously were) on lower teams that are still much higher than rec.

[Anonymous]

How is a child left out during practices?