Would you leave over lack of playing time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP-
If your child’s self esteem is decreasing then it’s time to find another team. The whole long term goal of sports participation from a parental perspective (and barring exceptional skill/talent) is to build confidence and resilience. It sounds like neither is happening here. Time to try a different team.

💯

[Anonymous]

Wanted to mention that in high school sports - this is FCPS, varsity but also some JV, there are so many kids that get little to no playing time. This is football, soccer, basketball where I’m speaking from experience and probably other sports too.

My kid experienced this during the past season when he moved up to varsity and proceeded to ride the bench.
But he had a great attitude about it - he worked really hard in practices, got positive feedback from coaches and he and the other bench riders understood their job was to be ready to step in at a moment’s notice and support and cheer for the starters. The bench kids felt very much that they were important to the team’s success.

I attribute my kid’s good attitude toward bench riding to all the positive team experiences he had when he was younger.
Coaches who make an effort to get all kids playing time when they’re littles/tweens create players who enjoy team sports. This includes involving everyone in practices and giving constructive feedback.

So yeah long winded way to say seek out good coaches who care about giving your kid a positive team experience, win or lose.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this Soccer?

g

Running lines, special teams and playing the best kids during a tie game makes it sound like hockey.

How big was your team? My oldest is 14 and they’ve never had more than 15 skaters and 2 goalies. Most years it’s been more like 12-13 skaters. If there are multiple programs in your area, I don’t think it’s bad to ask those questions to the coach. You could also try to talk to some parents, but you never really know how honest they’ll be.

I’m about to do the same with my softball player. She’s been on the same team for 2 years and it’s only gotten worse. There are now 5 coaches’ kids who don’t leave the lineup or the infield. The best pitcher isn’t a coach’s kid so she gets to play a lot and everyone else rotates into the 3 outfield spots. A coach’s kid missed 6 easy grounders the first inning. The second inning she moved. To Shortstop. At this point, just playing rec would be a better use of time and money.

Yikes, what age? Worst I've ever seen in 10U rec is 4 easy grounders at first....

It's not like there's a shortage of travel softball teams in our area. Seems like there's a new organization trying to get off the ground every 6 months or so.

yes, why on earth would you stay on this team? Or any team with 5 parent coaches?!

It’s 10u. They started the fall season with 3 and then 2 new Dads began helping with practice and for the spring they’ve “joined the staff.” Their girls playing time increased exponentially. Downfall of a small town - it’s the only 10u travel team and you don’t want to say anything because you’ll be seeing these people in future years.

IMO these travel basketball teams need all the help they can get. There are plenty of parents that drop their kids off basically use it as babysitting. They also don't do any outside training with their kids. It really shows. At least in our team the coaches do very little individual skills development, so the kids that get to play are the ones that get to a gym and shoot the other four days of the week. These are likely the ones with Dads that joined the staff. So, its unremarkable that their kids are getting playing time. Also, many of the coaches will not be experts in all thing's basketball. Even at the high school its customary to have assistant coaches. For example, post players will separate off and have post skills sessions. Guards will have guard sessions. Wings... etc. So having assistants is important.

How many sessions have you done with your kid on shooting mechanics? This stuff is cumulative, they'll miss many shots before they hit them, but it adds up and then they can do it. Sometimes, you have to find a team for that to be seen, which is fine. But the point is, if you aren't doing it then expecting them to get playing time. You might need readjust your expectations.

Well, since it’s a 10u softball team, we’ve done 0 sessions on shooting mechanics. We have practiced hitting, throwing and fielding mechanics outside of practice time though.

I appreciate people helping at practice. However, it shouldn’t be a prerequisite that your parent is coaching to a chance to practice or play infield. Not all parents are able to do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this Soccer?

g

Running lines, special teams and playing the best kids during a tie game makes it sound like hockey.

How big was your team? My oldest is 14 and they’ve never had more than 15 skaters and 2 goalies. Most years it’s been more like 12-13 skaters. If there are multiple programs in your area, I don’t think it’s bad to ask those questions to the coach. You could also try to talk to some parents, but you never really know how honest they’ll be.

I’m about to do the same with my softball player. She’s been on the same team for 2 years and it’s only gotten worse. There are now 5 coaches’ kids who don’t leave the lineup or the infield. The best pitcher isn’t a coach’s kid so she gets to play a lot and everyone else rotates into the 3 outfield spots. A coach’s kid missed 6 easy grounders the first inning. The second inning she moved. To Shortstop. At this point, just playing rec would be a better use of time and money.

Yikes, what age? Worst I've ever seen in 10U rec is 4 easy grounders at first....

It's not like there's a shortage of travel softball teams in our area. Seems like there's a new organization trying to get off the ground every 6 months or so.

yes, why on earth would you stay on this team? Or any team with 5 parent coaches?!

It’s 10u. They started the fall season with 3 and then 2 new Dads began helping with practice and for the spring they’ve “joined the staff.” Their girls playing time increased exponentially. Downfall of a small town - it’s the only 10u travel team and you don’t want to say anything because you’ll be seeing these people in future years.

IMO these travel basketball teams need all the help they can get. There are plenty of parents that drop their kids off basically use it as babysitting. They also don't do any outside training with their kids. It really shows. At least in our team the coaches do very little individual skills development, so the kids that get to play are the ones that get to a gym and shoot the other four days of the week. These are likely the ones with Dads that joined the staff. So, its unremarkable that their kids are getting playing time. Also, many of the coaches will not be experts in all thing's basketball. Even at the high school its customary to have assistant coaches. For example, post players will separate off and have post skills sessions. Guards will have guard sessions. Wings... etc. So having assistants is important.

How many sessions have you done with your kid on shooting mechanics? This stuff is cumulative, they'll miss many shots before they hit them, but it adds up and then they can do it. Sometimes, you have to find a team for that to be seen, which is fine. But the point is, if you aren't doing it then expecting them to get playing time. You might need readjust your expectations.

Well, since it’s a 10u softball team, we’ve done 0 sessions on shooting mechanics. We have practiced hitting, throwing and fielding mechanics outside of practice time though.

I appreciate people helping at practice. However, it shouldn’t be a prerequisite that your parent is coaching to a chance to practice or play infield. Not all parents are able to do so.

That’s not what PP was saying though. PP was saying in many (but not all) instances the coaches kids are the ones putting in a ton of extra work. You need to be honest with yourself whether those kids are better than your kid. If they are not, yes that is a problem. But often the coaches kids are in fact the best players.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this Soccer?

g

Running lines, special teams and playing the best kids during a tie game makes it sound like hockey.

How big was your team? My oldest is 14 and they’ve never had more than 15 skaters and 2 goalies. Most years it’s been more like 12-13 skaters. If there are multiple programs in your area, I don’t think it’s bad to ask those questions to the coach. You could also try to talk to some parents, but you never really know how honest they’ll be.

I’m about to do the same with my softball player. She’s been on the same team for 2 years and it’s only gotten worse. There are now 5 coaches’ kids who don’t leave the lineup or the infield. The best pitcher isn’t a coach’s kid so she gets to play a lot and everyone else rotates into the 3 outfield spots. A coach’s kid missed 6 easy grounders the first inning. The second inning she moved. To Shortstop. At this point, just playing rec would be a better use of time and money.

Yikes, what age? Worst I've ever seen in 10U rec is 4 easy grounders at first....

It's not like there's a shortage of travel softball teams in our area. Seems like there's a new organization trying to get off the ground every 6 months or so.

yes, why on earth would you stay on this team? Or any team with 5 parent coaches?!

It’s 10u. They started the fall season with 3 and then 2 new Dads began helping with practice and for the spring they’ve “joined the staff.” Their girls playing time increased exponentially. Downfall of a small town - it’s the only 10u travel team and you don’t want to say anything because you’ll be seeing these people in future years.

IMO these travel basketball teams need all the help they can get. There are plenty of parents that drop their kids off basically use it as babysitting. They also don't do any outside training with their kids. It really shows. At least in our team the coaches do very little individual skills development, so the kids that get to play are the ones that get to a gym and shoot the other four days of the week. These are likely the ones with Dads that joined the staff. So, its unremarkable that their kids are getting playing time. Also, many of the coaches will not be experts in all thing's basketball. Even at the high school its customary to have assistant coaches. For example, post players will separate off and have post skills sessions. Guards will have guard sessions. Wings... etc. So having assistants is important.

How many sessions have you done with your kid on shooting mechanics? This stuff is cumulative, they'll miss many shots before they hit them, but it adds up and then they can do it. Sometimes, you have to find a team for that to be seen, which is fine. But the point is, if you aren't doing it then expecting them to get playing time. You might need readjust your expectations.

Well, since it’s a 10u softball team, we’ve done 0 sessions on shooting mechanics. We have practiced hitting, throwing and fielding mechanics outside of practice time though.

I appreciate people helping at practice. However, it shouldn’t be a prerequisite that your parent is coaching to a chance to practice or play infield. Not all parents are able to do so.

That’s not what PP was saying though. PP was saying in many (but not all) instances the coaches kids are the ones putting in a ton of extra work. You need to be honest with yourself whether those kids are better than your kid. If they are not, yes that is a problem. But often the coaches kids are in fact the best players.

Yes, that was the point. It is also a problem if the coaches' kids aren't very good. You have to wonder about the quality of the coaching. Coaching other kids down to their level is a problem. As mentioned above in another post I've had that problem also, having put in lots of time with my kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this Soccer?

g

Running lines, special teams and playing the best kids during a tie game makes it sound like hockey.

How big was your team? My oldest is 14 and they’ve never had more than 15 skaters and 2 goalies. Most years it’s been more like 12-13 skaters. If there are multiple programs in your area, I don’t think it’s bad to ask those questions to the coach. You could also try to talk to some parents, but you never really know how honest they’ll be.

I’m about to do the same with my softball player. She’s been on the same team for 2 years and it’s only gotten worse. There are now 5 coaches’ kids who don’t leave the lineup or the infield. The best pitcher isn’t a coach’s kid so she gets to play a lot and everyone else rotates into the 3 outfield spots. A coach’s kid missed 6 easy grounders the first inning. The second inning she moved. To Shortstop. At this point, just playing rec would be a better use of time and money.

Yikes, what age? Worst I've ever seen in 10U rec is 4 easy grounders at first....

It's not like there's a shortage of travel softball teams in our area. Seems like there's a new organization trying to get off the ground every 6 months or so.

yes, why on earth would you stay on this team? Or any team with 5 parent coaches?!

It’s 10u. They started the fall season with 3 and then 2 new Dads began helping with practice and for the spring they’ve “joined the staff.” Their girls playing time increased exponentially. Downfall of a small town - it’s the only 10u travel team and you don’t want to say anything because you’ll be seeing these people in future years.

IMO these travel basketball teams need all the help they can get. There are plenty of parents that drop their kids off basically use it as babysitting. They also don't do any outside training with their kids. It really shows. At least in our team the coaches do very little individual skills development, so the kids that get to play are the ones that get to a gym and shoot the other four days of the week. These are likely the ones with Dads that joined the staff. So, its unremarkable that their kids are getting playing time. Also, many of the coaches will not be experts in all thing's basketball. Even at the high school its customary to have assistant coaches. For example, post players will separate off and have post skills sessions. Guards will have guard sessions. Wings... etc. So having assistants is important.

How many sessions have you done with your kid on shooting mechanics? This stuff is cumulative, they'll miss many shots before they hit them, but it adds up and then they can do it. Sometimes, you have to find a team for that to be seen, which is fine. But the point is, if you aren't doing it then expecting them to get playing time. You might need readjust your expectations.

Well, since it’s a 10u softball team, we’ve done 0 sessions on shooting mechanics. We have practiced hitting, throwing and fielding mechanics outside of practice time though.

I appreciate people helping at practice. However, it shouldn’t be a prerequisite that your parent is coaching to a chance to practice or play infield. Not all parents are able to do so.

That’s not what PP was saying though. PP was saying in many (but not all) instances the coaches kids are the ones putting in a ton of extra work. You need to be honest with yourself whether those kids are better than your kid. If they are not, yes that is a problem. But often the coaches kids are in fact the best players.

Yes, that was the point. It is also a problem if the coaches' kids aren't very good. You have to wonder about the quality of the coaching. Coaching other kids down to their level is a problem. As mentioned above in another post I've had that problem also, having put in lots of time with my kid.

I thought it was fairly obvious, but yes the problem is two of the coaches kids are not very good and should not play all the time and prevent others from having a chance. One missed 6 grounders at third base in the first inning. She then moved to shortstop.

The head coach’s daughter really wants to pitch. She’s improved since last year, but still pitches a lot of grounders. She usually pitches every other game. Her Dad starts her an inning, she walks in 3-4 runs and gets moved back to 2nd. I don’t think she’s made it through a full inning pitching all season. If she wasn’t the coach’s kid, she wouldn’t pitch in a game.

I have no problem if a coach’s kid is better that they get more playing time and are in the key positions. But it isn’t the case on this team. It’s blatant and a disservice to the other players and why my kid is probably done after this season.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is this Soccer?

g

Running lines, special teams and playing the best kids during a tie game makes it sound like hockey.

How big was your team? My oldest is 14 and they’ve never had more than 15 skaters and 2 goalies. Most years it’s been more like 12-13 skaters. If there are multiple programs in your area, I don’t think it’s bad to ask those questions to the coach. You could also try to talk to some parents, but you never really know how honest they’ll be.

I’m about to do the same with my softball player. She’s been on the same team for 2 years and it’s only gotten worse. There are now 5 coaches’ kids who don’t leave the lineup or the infield. The best pitcher isn’t a coach’s kid so she gets to play a lot and everyone else rotates into the 3 outfield spots. A coach’s kid missed 6 easy grounders the first inning. The second inning she moved. To Shortstop. At this point, just playing rec would be a better use of time and money.

Yikes, what age? Worst I've ever seen in 10U rec is 4 easy grounders at first....

It's not like there's a shortage of travel softball teams in our area. Seems like there's a new organization trying to get off the ground every 6 months or so.

yes, why on earth would you stay on this team? Or any team with 5 parent coaches?!

It’s 10u. They started the fall season with 3 and then 2 new Dads began helping with practice and for the spring they’ve “joined the staff.” Their girls playing time increased exponentially. Downfall of a small town - it’s the only 10u travel team and you don’t want to say anything because you’ll be seeing these people in future years.

IMO these travel basketball teams need all the help they can get. There are plenty of parents that drop their kids off basically use it as babysitting. They also don't do any outside training with their kids. It really shows. At least in our team the coaches do very little individual skills development, so the kids that get to play are the ones that get to a gym and shoot the other four days of the week. These are likely the ones with Dads that joined the staff. So, its unremarkable that their kids are getting playing time. Also, many of the coaches will not be experts in all thing's basketball. Even at the high school its customary to have assistant coaches. For example, post players will separate off and have post skills sessions. Guards will have guard sessions. Wings... etc. So having assistants is important.

How many sessions have you done with your kid on shooting mechanics? This stuff is cumulative, they'll miss many shots before they hit them, but it adds up and then they can do it. Sometimes, you have to find a team for that to be seen, which is fine. But the point is, if you aren't doing it then expecting them to get playing time. You might need readjust your expectations.

Well, since it’s a 10u softball team, we’ve done 0 sessions on shooting mechanics. We have practiced hitting, throwing and fielding mechanics outside of practice time though.

I appreciate people helping at practice. However, it shouldn’t be a prerequisite that your parent is coaching to a chance to practice or play infield. Not all parents are able to do so.

That’s not what PP was saying though. PP was saying in many (but not all) instances the coaches kids are the ones putting in a ton of extra work. You need to be honest with yourself whether those kids are better than your kid. If they are not, yes that is a problem. But often the coaches kids are in fact the best players.

Yes, that was the point. It is also a problem if the coaches' kids aren't very good. You have to wonder about the quality of the coaching. Coaching other kids down to their level is a problem. As mentioned above in another post I've had that problem also, having put in lots of time with my kid.

I thought it was fairly obvious, but yes the problem is two of the coaches kids are not very good and should not play all the time and prevent others from having a chance. One missed 6 grounders at third base in the first inning. She then moved to shortstop.

The head coach’s daughter really wants to pitch. She’s improved since last year, but still pitches a lot of grounders. She usually pitches every other game. Her Dad starts her an inning, she walks in 3-4 runs and gets moved back to 2nd. I don’t think she’s made it through a full inning pitching all season. If she wasn’t the coach’s kid, she wouldn’t pitch in a game.

I have no problem if a coach’s kid is better that they get more playing time and are in the key positions. But it isn’t the case on this team. It’s blatant and a disservice to the other players and why my kid is probably done after this season.

Look for a new team today. That is ridiculous. I’m generally not for leaving mid year but the coaches created this situation. My daughter plays softball (14u) and I can’t say playing time has always been 100% allocated based on skill, but for the most part the stronger players get more time and the weaker ones get less. Now in 14u, we have a full squad of excellent athletes so some girls who once played every inning no longer do because everyone is strong so the bench time is shared between the pitchers and catchers, all of whom are very strong players but could use the rest more than some others. Also we often have a pitcher/catcher duo standing by to get loose.

[Anonymous]

Definitely check out other clubs. We found out too late that once a club pigeonholes your kid there's no way to change their minds. The smart families leave when they see this happening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Definitely check out other clubs. We found out too late that once a club pigeonholes your kid there's no way to change their minds. The smart families leave when they see this happening.

I don't know about softball, but in basketball some clubs have multiple teams and will move kids around if your kid has talent, they will try to keep her. Though, this might be the other side of a pigeonhole issue. In soccer/basketball it is customary for elite teams to poach kids. Our new team has some of the same issues, half the coaches/team leadership have amazingly talented daughters, but there is one that isn't so great. He's a good guy though and all the girls love him and really enjoy practice (except maybe his daughter who needs the conditioning), doesn't favor his daughter much. It's about as good as it gets. Without paying for coaching, and even then, probably better than most the paid coaches around, in terms of confidence and team building. Find a coach like that, but seriously a bad coaching experience can take a while for a kid to get over.

[Anonymous]

I’m in the minority but I don’t agree with paying to be on a team where you don’t play. It’s fine to have a few stars who always play, and then everyone else should rotate equally. If the team can’t/wont do that, the roster is too large. It’s unethical to take a family’s money to sit the kid on the bench just in case someone else get’s hurt.

My first question to any coach at a tryout is “what size roster are you looking for.” The answer tells you a lot.

[Anonymous]

I've never heard anyone say they regretted leaving a team that was having a negative effect on their child. I have know plenty of parents who regretted letting their kid stay on such a team for too long. Change can be scary but if there are other options explore and ask to join a practice or two well before tryouts.