What would you suggest?

[Anonymous]

David and Sarah date briefly in high school, both are raised by single moms and in fairly low SES homes. Both start working in labour type jobs after high school. They reconnect a few years later, date, move in together, have a child and are together another 3 years. Relationship ends. Both move back in with their moms who live 5 minutes from each other, 50/50 custody from day 1. David and Sarah are cordial but not friendly.

2-3 years go by. Sarah is now living in an apartment near her mom. David has met Amy and moved in with her as she owns a house. They get married. House is about a 30 minute drive from where Sarah and the grandmas live. David drives child to school during his weeks, child goes to grandmas after school and is then picked up and brought home. Amy comes from a wealthy family and Amy's family embrace David, the child, and David's mother. They are included in family vacations, celebrations etc. Amy's father offers to cover expenses so David can go get a degree and have a better career which he does. David, the child and David's mother now have a much higher SES due to generosity of Amy's family and David and Amy now both have good paying jobs (and have 2 kids together). Relationship between David and Sarah remains cordial

When child is in 7th grade, Sarah decides to move out into the country and gets a small place that is about a 1-1.5 hour drive to child's school and the grandmas. So now child has a 30 minute commute during dad's weeks and a 1-1.5 hour commute during mom's weeks. Child usually goes to each grandmas after school during both weeks until picked up by parents. David suggests that they move child to a school near his house for high school as this is also actually a shorter drive for Sarah. Child on board. Sarah refuses. Wants child to stay at same school and to spend afternoons with her mother. Also feels David already has unfair advantages and shouldn't get school near him too. Relationship between them gets strained. So child stays at the school that isn't near either parent.

Child is now in 9th. Is very unhappy with the 50/50 situation. Has a lot of toys and friends and fun at dad's house, finds mom's house out in the country to be boring and doesn't want to go or stay there on weekends. Also really wants to change schools to go to same school as his friends do (near his dads house) and tired of long commute and being at grandmas every day. Wants to do a recreational activity / sport and mom doesn't want to drive in on weekends to take him to this. Mom feels dad is turning child against her by making his life too good when at his house. Now everyone is unhappy. No one is sure of what a 'fair' solution is.

[Anonymous]

David should pay Sarah more child support

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:David should pay Sarah more child support

No, he shouldn’t. It’s the wife’s money.

This is fake. 9th graders don’t have toys. Mom was selfish in moving away. If they both moved, kid could not stay at this school if it’s public. There is no way mom is driving 3 hours round trip twice a day for school drop off. Be real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:David should pay Sarah more child support

No, he shouldn’t. It’s the wife’s money.

This is fake. 9th graders don’t have toys. Mom was selfish in moving away. If they both moved, kid could not stay at this school if it’s public. There is no way mom is driving 3 hours round trip twice a day for school drop off. Be real.

Op here. It is real. Toys has a broad meaning that includes any items used for entertainment or pleasure. Even adults can have toys. Grandma's address is on record at the school. And yes, mom drives into the city every day. She still works in the city.

Dad already buys almost everything child needs. And while he has a decent income, most of the money they have comes from his wife's family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:David should pay Sarah more child support

No, he shouldn’t. It’s the wife’s money.

This is fake. 9th graders don’t have toys. Mom was selfish in moving away. If they both moved, kid could not stay at this school if it’s public. There is no way mom is driving 3 hours round trip twice a day for school drop off. Be real.

Op here. It is real. Toys has a broad meaning that includes any items used for entertainment or pleasure. Even adults can have toys. Grandma's address is on record at the school. And yes, mom drives into the city every day. She still works in the city.

Dad already buys almost everything child needs. And while he has a decent income, most of the money they have comes from his wife's family.

Who cares. Let them figure it out. It is fake.

[Anonymous]

At HS age kid is old enough to have some say.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At HS age kid is old enough to have some say.

If he got to pick he would...

switch schools to the one near his dad's house
live with his dad full time
meet up with his mom a couple times a week after she finishes work and either go to his grandmas with her or out for dinner
go to his moms on sundays when he isn't busy with friends and activities

Once he can drive, then he can absolutely do what he wants!

[Anonymous]

Mom made a huge error in moving. It was illogical and now she’s in the entirely predictable situation she’s in. Teens generally grow tired of 50/50 in the best of circumstances. She was wrong to move. To put the kid first, she had to either move again or give up a lot of time with him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom made a huge error in moving. It was illogical and now she’s in the entirely predictable situation she’s in. Teens generally grow tired of 50/50 in the best of circumstances. She was wrong to move. To put the kid first, she had to either move again or give up a lot of time with him.

Mom's reasoning at the time was that it was for her mental health. A long term relationship she had been in had just ended. She went through a reinventing herself phase, started yoga, made this move, changed a few things in her life to be healthier and happier. She decided she didn't want to live in an apartment in the city and needed a more serene, peaceful environment with space where she could spend time in nature, listen to birds, have a garden etc.

[Anonymous]

When child is 16, buy them a car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom made a huge error in moving. It was illogical and now she’s in the entirely predictable situation she’s in. Teens generally grow tired of 50/50 in the best of circumstances. She was wrong to move. To put the kid first, she had to either move again or give up a lot of time with him.

Mom's reasoning at the time was that it was for her mental health. A long term relationship she had been in had just ended. She went through a reinventing herself phase, started yoga, made this move, changed a few things in her life to be healthier and happier. She decided she didn't want to live in an apartment in the city and needed a more serene, peaceful environment with space where she could spend time in nature, listen to birds, have a garden etc.

Uh, and what about her kid?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom made a huge error in moving. It was illogical and now she’s in the entirely predictable situation she’s in. Teens generally grow tired of 50/50 in the best of circumstances. She was wrong to move. To put the kid first, she had to either move again or give up a lot of time with him.

Mom's reasoning at the time was that it was for her mental health. A long term relationship she had been in had just ended. She went through a reinventing herself phase, started yoga, made this move, changed a few things in her life to be healthier and happier. She decided she didn't want to live in an apartment in the city and needed a more serene, peaceful environment with space where she could spend time in nature, listen to birds, have a garden etc.

That’s all well and good but doesn’t change any of the predictable outcomes. She needed to wait 4 more years to do that, when kid was out of college. Or do it knowing what it would cost her. Did she really expect the kid to enjoy the long commute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom made a huge error in moving. It was illogical and now she’s in the entirely predictable situation she’s in. Teens generally grow tired of 50/50 in the best of circumstances. She was wrong to move. To put the kid first, she had to either move again or give up a lot of time with him.

Mom's reasoning at the time was that it was for her mental health. A long term relationship she had been in had just ended. She went through a reinventing herself phase, started yoga, made this move, changed a few things in her life to be healthier and happier. She decided she didn't want to live in an apartment in the city and needed a more serene, peaceful environment with space where she could spend time in nature, listen to birds, have a garden etc.

Uh, and what about her kid?

I don't know exactly what she was thinking but I am sure she thought it would be good for the child as well. Also 2 years ago when she moved the kid was still very much a child, pre puberty, liked hanging out with mom. In the last two years child has changed and grown into a teen, has a lot more friends, is more opinionated, and has different interests than he had 2 years ago.

[Anonymous]

OP, are you the mom here and looking for validation that this situation isn’t your fault?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mom made a huge error in moving. It was illogical and now she’s in the entirely predictable situation she’s in. Teens generally grow tired of 50/50 in the best of circumstances. She was wrong to move. To put the kid first, she had to either move again or give up a lot of time with him.

Mom's reasoning at the time was that it was for her mental health. A long term relationship she had been in had just ended. She went through a reinventing herself phase, started yoga, made this move, changed a few things in her life to be healthier and happier. She decided she didn't want to live in an apartment in the city and needed a more serene, peaceful environment with space where she could spend time in nature, listen to birds, have a garden etc.

Mom was/is very selfish and only thought about what was best for her. She says no to activities on the weekend and expects her kid to do what out in the country where there is probably no other kids for her child to see. She needs to get her head out of her ass and realize she is secluding her child for her own needs. Dad's money is none of her business and she should be happy that her child has the opportunity to do or get things that she can't provide.

She's skating on thin ice and sooner rather then later her child may resent her for taking them away to isolation for health and not considering theres.