My ds is reconsidering due to his girlfriend

[Anonymous]

They have been dating for about a year. She is also a good student but did not get into her preferred state school, where ds was going to go to. He was offered merit there. Today he got a scholarship offer from the school she is going to go to (a good school he liked well enough, but not on par with the other school he likes better). He had been admitted already, and not sure why the award came so late, but it did. It's not enough money to make any difference, but I can see him waffling back to that school. After reading the letter, he said maybe he'd go there after all. I get that he wants to be with his girlfriend, and the other school is 4 hours away, but I think it is not at all a good reason to pick a school.

[Anonymous]

That is awful. This is why highschool relationships are doomed, one of them ends up being an obstacle to the other and it ends in bitter resentment and lost opportunity-
Please dissuade him from not accepting his original merit offer

[Anonymous]

It happens.

[Anonymous]

Please try to talk him out of that. This will be a missed opportunity for BOTH of them to experience college on their own and grow both emotionally and maturity-wise if they are at the same school. I am speaking from experience.
Like PP said, they become obstacles for each other. I feel my son's college experience would have been much richer if his GF had not decided to go to same college as him. He had already committed before her and then she got off the waitlist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please try to talk him out of that. This will be a missed opportunity for BOTH of them to experience college on their own and grow both emotionally and maturity-wise if they are at the same school. I am speaking from experience.
Like PP said, they become obstacles for each other. I feel my son's college experience would have been much richer if his GF had not decided to go to same college as him. He had already committed before her and then she got off the waitlist.

OP here, and I know!! DH and I actually started dating in college, but we were not in the same state. We went to different grad schools as well and only physically ended up in the same place when we started working. DS is very stubborn so I have to approach this carefully and will try my best to dissuade him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please try to talk him out of that. This will be a missed opportunity for BOTH of them to experience college on their own and grow both emotionally and maturity-wise if they are at the same school. I am speaking from experience.
Like PP said, they become obstacles for each other. I feel my son's college experience would have been much richer if his GF had not decided to go to same college as him. He had already committed before her and then she got off the waitlist.

OP here, and I know!! DH and I actually started dating in college, but we were not in the same state. We went to different grad schools as well and only physically ended up in the same place when we started working. DS is very stubborn so I have to approach this carefully and will try my best to dissuade him.

Same poster from above....I will also add that 4 hours is not that far away. I also decided to go out of state for college where my HS BF was going. Some would say that I "followed" him to college. However, we were at separate schools about 3 hours from each other. And it was a good thing because we broke up at the end of our freshman year. Everyone back at home thought for sure I would transfer to a school back up north. I stayed because I made many friends that first year and enjoyed my college. But that may not have been the case if we were at the same school. That would have been VERY hard!

[Anonymous]

Do not impede. Do not promote.

[Anonymous]

I know that my DD's boyfriend's decision will impact her decision. I am not really concerned. I don't think that she can go wrong with any of her choices. I went to a college based on a boy. It didn't work out with that boy, but it didn't have a negative impact on my life. I enjoyed college and walked out with a good career. There are worse things to happen. Not the end of the world.

[Anonymous]

I’ve seen others do this and then they break up once there and there are regrets.

[Anonymous]

Life is about handling some regret and moving on

[Anonymous]

I would stay out of it. My DS is also talking about following his girlfriend to college. If it doesn’t work out, it will be a major life lesson for him. If they stay together, on the positive side, she’s a good, calming influence. I’d rather he spend time with her than leaning all into fraternity life.

[Anonymous]

It’s not going to last.
Will he regret the decision when the breakup happens?

[Anonymous]

I would tread lightly but point out that odds are that the relationship will end. Very few people marry their high school sweetheart. And if it’s meant to be, it will survive being at different colleges. But light touch. Nothing good comes from getting between DS and girlfriend.

[Anonymous]

Yes, it would be the wrong choice for him to follow his girlfriend to college. No, that message will not be well-received if it comes from his parents.
My DS is talking with his older, admired/successful cousin about college- rejections, deferrals, college life, etc. Does your DS have someone like that to speak with?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do not impede. Do not promote.

This, let him own the decision.