BIL automatically invited to any and all events?

[Anonymous]

DH has a single adult brother. Over the past decade, BIL just comes to anything we are doing. DH seems to think that BIL has an open invite to any holiday, birthday or if we are doing nothing. Even when we are going to someone else’s home, DH seems to think it is ok to bring a tagalong guest.

Do you automatically invite your adult sibling(s) to your events?

Now BIL has a girlfriend that I’m not a fan of so BIL has an open invitation with his plus 1. DH seems to think this is no big deal and his brother is always welcome.

[Anonymous]

Talk to your DH. You want some boundaries but he's oblivious.

[Anonymous]

You’ll never come before his brother.

[Anonymous]

No this is strange. Your DH is acting like he’s 10 years old and his mother constantly told him to bring along his younger brother. DH and his brother are adults now, not little kids.

You also get 50% of the vote whether an extended family member gets invited to your house and events.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never come before his brother.

That’s weird. Spouses always come before siblings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No this is strange. Your DH is acting like he’s 10 years old and his mother constantly told him to bring along his younger brother. DH and his brother are adults now, not little kids.

You also get 50% of the vote whether an extended family member gets invited to your house and events.

This all started when BIL was in college and grad school and we lived closer than their mom. For holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving, BIL would just come to our house instead of going home to his mom. I used to be annoyed when there was no plan for him to come. He often would decide to come over the same day.

Now he is a grown man. I’m having a party with mostly my friends and DH just invited his brother and his girlfriend. I feel the girlfriend changes the dynamic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No this is strange. Your DH is acting like he’s 10 years old and his mother constantly told him to bring along his younger brother. DH and his brother are adults now, not little kids.

You also get 50% of the vote whether an extended family member gets invited to your house and events.

This all started when BIL was in college and grad school and we lived closer than their mom. For holidays like Christmas or Thanksgiving, BIL would just come to our house instead of going home to his mom. I used to be annoyed when there was no plan for him to come. He often would decide to come over the same day.

Now he is a grown man. I’m having a party with mostly my friends and DH just invited his brother and his girlfriend. I feel the girlfriend changes the dynamic.

Well, I presume you will give off a bad vibe to the girlfriend and she soon won't want to be around you. This problem will resolve itself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’ll never come before his brother.

That’s weird. Spouses always come before siblings.

“Bros before Hos!”

[Anonymous]

Tell your DH to stop inviting his brother to everything. Talk to him.

No, you don’t bring BIL along to something you are not hosting. How is that a question? You will stop being invited anywhere.

[Anonymous]

You have to tell your DH no. And make it less comfortable for BIL and his GF. Stop planning for them, stop catering to them, direct their needs and requests to your DH.

Obviously you may not bring extra people to someone else's house without asking! Your DH is way out of line with that.

[Anonymous]

You do not bring uninvited people to other people’s homes. This is basic common sense. It seems like social ineptness runs in your DH’s family.

[Anonymous]

Maybe hubby wants a 3some.

[Anonymous]

Probably time to discuss boundaries with your husband.

[Anonymous]

No, you don’t invited extras to someone else’s house. Tell your DH to stop this or you won’t attend the next function. Are you aware that your friends are probably talking about you and bringing an extra?

[Anonymous]

You need to draw a hard line with your DH on bringing BIL and GF to any other house that they are not invited. You're going to have a lot less social invitations if you can't get a handle on this.

If your DH doesn't understand that this is completely unacceptable, then try withholding information so that BIL doesn't find out in time to come.