Volleyball & Quitting

[Anonymous]

This weekend’s tournament is really wearing on DD. She saw her weakness and conceded that even with the weekly practice, she remains the worst on her team. This is a sport she loves and wanted to pursue.

She started this sport later than all of her teammates. We go to every training opportunity the club offers but still, I don’t think it’ll allow her to be good enough to be on par with the rest of the team.

I caught her crying in the hotel room last night. She asked if we would consider letting her quit. Not this weekend but soon.

I have no complaints about her coaches - I think they’re great coaches and fair. I don’t know how much of a bind I’ll be putting them in if a player (even the worst) quit in the beginning of the season. Will they have a list of backup players to call?

We had zero experience with youth sports and just wanted to give her opportunities for something she wanted to pursue. Yes, we knew it’d be competitive going in but at this point we just don’t want her to sink anymore mentally.

Comments would be greatly appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I’m not sure I’ll have the most helpful comments since 90% of what I read on these volleyball threads is totally Greek to me. My daughter has been playing for a year or so on what is considered a “lesser” team by the people on these threads. She started in MS so I think that’s somewhat late.
One thing we found really helpful was just hiring a nice HS girl from the local HS varsity team go train with her for an hour a week. I think she gets more out of it than some of the group clinics (which she’s also been gojng to) plus the girl is so sweet and encouraging to her. I think a lot of HS kids enjoy doing this for the extra cash and also for the good feels they get encouraging a younger kid.
She also watches a lot of the college vball and I think that helps her be smarter about the play.

The other part of your question is more a parenting question about how to support a kid that is struggling in an activity. This is probably an opportunity for her to develop some resilience. I guess one question is whether the other girls are being supportive or mean to her. And ask her how she would feel if her team needed to forfeit a game or tournament because she quit and some of their other players got sick. I don’t think the team could fill the spot at this point if she quit so she’d be leaving them a girl down for the whole season.

[Anonymous]

I cannot answer the question about quitting because different families deal with it differently. Your DD should know that the club made an offer because they could not find a better player. She may not be as good as the other players on the team, but she is good enough for the level of the club. Things may change next year if a better player shows up at the tryouts. She can evolve in different ways during one season: she could learn a lot, a little, or anything in between. All that matters is how much she is willing to work and how many resources you are willing to throw at her.

I would say that a weekly practice is not enough for someone who just started (and she is aware that she started late): she won't improve much unless she is extremely athletic and talented. Talent takes you only that far: the girls in more competitive teams have 2 or 3 practices every week and also practice by themselves. They also have the advantage of starting earlier. As in pretty much any activity, the more you practice the better you become. She needs a skill program (and I am afraid that you need to supplement that one practice per week), a strength program (plyometrics, weights), and a nutrition program (eat healthy, avoid junk food). I agree that it's easier said than done.

[Anonymous]

Why not switch teams?

There are various leagues with different tiers and intensity and commitment. It sounds like a lot if you're already traveling big distances which require hotel rooms. There are lots of leagues that are more local and less intense.

Maybe it's just a better fit she needs and not the change in sport.

[Anonymous]

How old?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not switch teams?

There are various leagues with different tiers and intensity and commitment. It sounds like a lot if you're already traveling big distances which require hotel rooms. There are lots of leagues that are more local and less intense.

Maybe it's just a better fit she needs and not the change in sport.

NP and she can’t. Tryouts are one weekend a year and the teams are formed from Nov - June. She’s on this team for the season and for that season.

Another vote for resilience since she committed to this and the teams are fairly small. Maybe stop going to all of the extras and focus on the fun parts of the sports. Accept she’s not going to be a top player. Does she like the other girls? Were there any social activities over the weekend? My daughter loves the team dinners and getting ready together in the rooms before the long days. Maybe try to arrange something like that for the rest of the tournaments for some team bonding. It’s so important for these teams, if it’s not already happening. Especially if she’s on the younger side.

[Anonymous]

6:42 again and no, there is not a list of backup players at this point to call.

[Anonymous]

How does the rest of the team treat her? We can't all just quit when we are the worst at something. We have to work harder. I say more touches and a private coach. She committed to the team for the season. It's okay to be sad and cry. But the question is what do we do after?

[Anonymous]

I’m a firm believer that if your kid signs up to do an activity, they stick with it for the whole season. Then they get to decide if they sign up again.

Volleyball is such an expensive sport, you would be out several thousand dollars. What kind of lesson is that teaching your kid?

Most kids will take advantage of all training opportunities provided by the club, so if your kid wants to get better than others on the team, they need to do more outside of regular practice/training. I’m not saying she needs to, just that that is how it works.

If there is more going on - like other kids picking on her or the coach bullying her, then Id try to address those issues first.

[Anonymous]

I posted before but I wanted to add that last year my d was one of the worst on her team but she really worked a lot and now she’s one of the best. She goes to the gym on off days and often is just bopping the ball around our house. If your daughter does love the sport, I think you can tell her that if she commits to it, it’s really oossoble to make a lot of progress over the next four months—and then she can reassess what she wants to do.

[Anonymous]

We are in a different sport (softball) but I don’t get bench players at all. I’m not paying/driving/hassling for my kid to sit the bench. If she isn’t playing, this isn’t the team for us, we’d rather be on a “lower” team and play. We aren’t gunning for college. The point of sports is the play. Period.

So you have to look at the bigger picture. Will quitting affect her ability to play on a different team next season? Does she even want to? Or does she want to quit the whole sport? If yes, I would let her quit, personally.

[Anonymous]

She needs to stick with it for the season, team is depending on her, if not in games then in practice. You did not say how old she is, but I have seen the "worst" girl improve and go on to have a nice HS/club career. As suggested maybe one of the varsity girls at her high school can give her some private lessons.

If she still hates it before high schools tryouts then OK, she can retire from volleyball.

[Anonymous]

Age? And the ages below are arbitrary but I do think it very much matters.

If under age 12ish, I may well let her quit. Yes, mid season. If she doesn’t see playing time, she is not on the right team. Go play rec and see if she wants to try out for a different team next year. Coaches and parents tend to be “forgiving” at these aged- especially if she is not a key player. Use a “white lie” type of excuse- work commitments are making it difficult to attend tournaments, $ is tight, or some type of extended family issue.

Age 12+ quitting mid season can get so much trickier. Burning bridges becomes a real concern.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in a different sport (softball) but I don’t get bench players at all. I’m not paying/driving/hassling for my kid to sit the bench. If she isn’t playing, this isn’t the team for us, we’d rather be on a “lower” team and play. We aren’t gunning for college. The point of sports is the play. Period.

So you have to look at the bigger picture. Will quitting affect her ability to play on a different team next season? Does she even want to? Or does she want to quit the whole sport? If yes, I would let her quit, personally.

+1

I’ve never understood why people sign their kids up to be “bench players”. (Not talking about school sports) Kids need game reps. When my DS was in a similar situation we moved him to a lower level team.

[Anonymous]

How old is she, and has she (or you, depending on age) talked with the coach about what she needs to improve? Or does DD know what she needs to improve to see more playing time (usually kids know IME)? What are the opportunities going forward if she sticks it out? Sometimes a kid is a good player but is simply sitting behind a kid who is better in the same position…and fortunes can change with a team/level move within the same club, or if there is even a small roster change, no? This would be my main concern- does she actually have a realistic chance to earn more playing time if she improves and/or waits her “turn”? Or is the die cast and opportunity for an increased role is very unlikely? That is really the question and I would be hesitant to make any changes without really thinking about the answer.

Also does she like her teammates, fits in well, enjoys the social aspect? That is very important.