Overnight in-home care so the rest of the family can sleep at night?

[Anonymous]

My mom has mild dementia and lives with my immediate family. Lately she has been waking up in the night very confused. She seeks me out asks me to take her to the bank, or the doctor. Sometimes she wants me to take her to work (she's retired), or she says her friends are on their way to pick her up. Getting her back to bed is challenging -- I have to talk her into it and she does not hear well so speaks very loudly. In the process, she usually wakes up one or more of my kids or my husband. This doesn't happen every night but is happening more often and sometimes multiple times a night. The sleep disruption is not sustainable for me or them and I'm thinking of moving her to a bedroom in the basement and hiring a couple of aids/companions to sit down there and get her back to bed when she wakes up so the rest of us can get some sleep. Given that there will be a LOT of downtime, I'm fine with the aid doing whatever while mom sleeps but would also ask the aid to do laundry and maybe some advance meal prep as well. Is an arrangement like this workable? Any experience with this?

[Anonymous]

Honestly, I would medicate her at night. Is that an option? Do you really want to pay someone $7000 a month for this?

[Anonymous]

OP here - We are trying that but so far, its not really working. I'm concerned that the amount of meds that it will take to knock her out may worsen her dementia. But yes, its definitely an option we are exploring. Just thinking about a backup plan.

[Anonymous]

This is probably fine, but you may need to understand that usually CNAs for this their full time duties are that they would be available. Of course there is “downtime”, but that’s why they make close to minimum wage. It’s an 8 hour overnight shift with 1-2 hours of real work. I think if your expectation is for them to sit with your mom plus laundry and meal prep in the middle of the night, you would have to pay them extra.

[Anonymous]

If it’s always an overnight then one or two loads of laundry already in the basket ready to go is fine. Don’t get pushy if they don’t fold it “correctly”. For meal prep I feel like you’re pushed your luck but if it’s really basic it could work. Like twice a week cut these veg that are laid out and put in containers. Fine. If you’re expecting full cooking it’s not going to happen. Overnight people just be happy you have someone.

[Anonymous]

Bless you for keeping your Mother with you.
Yes, this is doable. Do you prefer using an agency or finding someone on your own?

What hours are you considering? Do you anticipate the person being busy the entire time?

[Anonymous]

I think she shouldn't be living with you. She needs to be in a care facility. What if she keeps waking up but doesn't seek you out? What if she leaves the house or tries to drive to "work" or the "bank"?

[Anonymous]

Magnesium glycinate 400 mg , give it right after dinner or 8 pm will help her sleep through the night

Mom’s pcp said they no longer prescribe sleeping pills due to the pills creating a fall risk

Our overnight CNA’s generally snoozed with Mom. Most CNA’s are already working 36-40 hours elsewhere. It is unrealistic to expect laundry and meal prep to be done overnight.

[Anonymous]

Medication typically doesn't work for sun downers. It's time for a nursing home IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she shouldn't be living with you. She needs to be in a care facility. What if she keeps waking up but doesn't seek you out? What if she leaves the house or tries to drive to "work" or the "bank"?

Actually the most dangerous is trying to cook a meal. My grandmother did that. They had to remove the knobs from the oven at night or risked her burning the house down.

[Anonymous]

One more point- you can't just move someone to the basement. It does need to be a legal bedroom with legal egress.

[Anonymous]

My MIL doesn't have dementia but has advanced Parkinson's and cannot walk unassisted by a human plus her walker. My BIL hired an aide overnight to help her to the bathroom. She's paid very little and sleeps when she's not called to help my MIL - I assume she also has a day job. My MIL has day time aides who cook, clean and give her massages for her painful cramps and hand her her easiest meds. She has a nurse come regularly for the injectables, and a physical therapist who also visits. My MIL wants to die at home and never go into nursing care, so that's what her children are trying to implement.

[Anonymous]

OP here - Thanks for the responses so far, I will keep looking into meds. If we go the CNA route, I definitely do not expect her to be busy the whole night and am fine with her sleeping. I'm talking a load or two of laundry max and not every shift. As far as meal prep, I don't mean cooking but just what an earlier poster suggested --cutting up veggies, thowing meat and a marinade into ziplocs for the freezer, stuff like that. But certainly not anything that would take up most of the night. But I do recognize that even that might be too much for some. Currently, her bedroom is right next to mine and we have alarms on the doors so her leaving without waking someone up is pretty unlikely. But yes, I hear you - I do need to keep thinking about whether we can continue to have her at home. I would like to do it for as long as possible and am willing to hire help to make it work.

[Anonymous]

OP again - the basement bedroom is legal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again - the basement bedroom is legal.

It has a window big enough for firefighters to enter / exit? Also has hard wired smoke detectors?(Sorry if it does! A lot of people don't know what legal basement bedroom entails)