UVA professor: get married young

[Anonymous]

It's fine advice but meaningless on an individual basis unless someone is in the position of being able to marry a suitable partner before age 30. Like it's perfectly good advice to give to two 25 yr olds with good heads on their shoulders who love each other and have a mature, good relationship.

It's a totally meaningless directive to some college kid who doesn't even have a significant other. You might suggest that they stay open to earlier marriage, and not write it off as "too early" (though for some of them it will be too early, so this is complicated). You might tell them about some of the benefits of early marriage and, IF they are interested, suggest they focus on dating people who share their same goals.

But to simply say "get married young" as blanket advice? Useless. Changes nothing. People aren't delaying marriage because it didn't occur to them, they are delaying marriage because it's hard to meet someone who you both want to marry and who wants to marry you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The older you get the more set in your ways you become. It becomes increasingly more difficult to compromise and live with someone else.

Having children is physically a young persons game. I think a lot of people have been sold a bill of goods that you need to ascertain a certain lifestyle before considering having a child. The longer you wait the more difficult it becomes.

Millions of women successfully have kids in their 30s. It is not rocket science! You don’t really convince anyone who you make dumb arguments.

With the ability to freeze eggs, women are now in the driver seat. I wish I had that option when I was younger. I will advise my daughter to freeze eggs if she doesn't marry by age 25.

Going through the egg retrieval process is not fun or easy. Paying for the eggs to be maintained is also not fun. It’s doable, of course, but you’re not putting that pound of ground beef in the freezer that you’re not going to get to on time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't like the truth. I made sure to be married by 30 and was a few years early. 30 year anniversary this year. It gets harder for women after 30. It just does. Facts. I wasn't going to turn into a 40 year old single cat lady with no kids. And I didn't.

Ok, MAGA trash.

I'm a new poster, and a registered Democrat with a very impeccable voting record for Democrats. And agree.

people don't like to be reminded that biology hasn't fully caught up with the modern day timeline for women. IF YOU WANT A FAMILY, I highlight this because if this isn't part of your marriage equation, you can do whatever you want at whatever age you'd like, but if you want a family, it is in your best interest to find a suitable partner earlier rather than later.

And it's also true that all the other people in your social circle are probably doing the same thing at the same time, so the opportunity and choice set is actually quite finite. Make hay while the sun is shining, so they say.

And finally, nowadays, a single 40 year old is far more likely to have a dog than a cat. (and I love both dogs and cats equally and hope that every 40 year old, married or not, has both)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't like the truth. I made sure to be married by 30 and was a few years early. 30 year anniversary this year. It gets harder for women after 30. It just does. Facts. I wasn't going to turn into a 40 year old single cat lady with no kids. And I didn't.

Ok, [url]MAGA trash. [b]

Why do you roll this out without even thinking? You are wasting everyone’s time with there brilliant assumptions of yours that anyone arguing a position different than your own is MAGA. We’re getting tired of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine advice but meaningless on an individual basis unless someone is in the position of being able to marry a suitable partner before age 30. Like it's perfectly good advice to give to two 25 yr olds with good heads on their shoulders who love each other and have a mature, good relationship.

It's a totally meaningless directive to some college kid who doesn't even have a significant other. You might suggest that they stay open to earlier marriage, and not write it off as "too early" (though for some of them it will be too early, so this is complicated). You might tell them about some of the benefits of early marriage and, IF they are interested, suggest they focus on dating people who share their same goals.

But to simply say "get married young" as blanket advice? Useless. Changes nothing. People aren't delaying marriage because it didn't occur to them, they are delaying marriage because it's hard to meet someone who you both want to marry and who wants to marry you.

Exactly. THe lack of specific advice and the focus all on the woman tells me he is more interested in trying to shame women than anything else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't like the truth. I made sure to be married by 30 and was a few years early. 30 year anniversary this year. It gets harder for women after 30. It just does. Facts. I wasn't going to turn into a 40 year old single cat lady with no kids. And I didn't.

Ok, MAGA trash.

I'm a new poster, and a registered Democrat with a very impeccable voting record for Democrats. And agree.

people don't like to be reminded that biology hasn't fully caught up with the modern day timeline for women. IF YOU WANT A FAMILY, I highlight this because if this isn't part of your marriage equation, you can do whatever you want at whatever age you'd like, but if you want a family, it is in your best interest to find a suitable partner earlier rather than later.

And it's also true that all the other people in your social circle are probably doing the same thing at the same time, so the opportunity and choice set is actually quite finite. Make hay while the sun is shining, so they say.

And finally, nowadays, a single 40 year old is far more likely to have a dog than a cat. (and I love both dogs and cats equally and hope that every 40 year old, married or not, has both)

F putting that all on women though. I’m over that.

[Anonymous]

People will be start a family earlier (not necessarily get married) if they can afford it. With the cost of daycare, instability, college expenses, it’s not financially feasible for many to start having kids that early. Can’t imagine someone on purpose having a kid when they just themselves out of college and haven’t finished paying for it and probably would still be paying off their college loans when their own kid would be starting college.

[Anonymous]

Women are forced into a position to pick between career and family and men aren’t. If a man spent his 20s dating around and getting his career of the ground and then decided at 30 he wants to get married, that’s fine. If a woman does it everyone asks like you are making a horrible mistake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The best place to meet a high quality man is in college and or medical school.

How about at a 7-11 at 2 a.m.?

[Anonymous]

I actually just read a great substack article by a conservative earlier about how "marry young and have children early and often" is what's called a luxury belief. Liberals have them too.

Anyway her point was, hey, that's great that you're pro-marriage and family but not everyone finds someone in college.

[Anonymous]

He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

I haven’t read the 10+ pages on this thread, but Brad Wilcox’s research has a very clear pro-marriage agenda. He goes out of his way to frame his findings around promoting marriage. For example, he’ll show that children raised by marriage parents have better financial outcomes, but he’ll ignore the fact that people with college degrees are more likely to get and stay married. So it’s not marriage itself that leads to those outcomes. He runs a research center at UVA mostly dedicated to promoting marriage and pronatalist research. I’ve met him at sociology conferences. Pleasant guy, but questionable scholarship.

As an aside, as a sociologists, I was both annoyed and amused a few months ago when someone started a thread on sociology majors and there were pages of comments bashing it as an easy major for kids who aren’t so smart. Yet folks here love to talk about issues sociologists study, like work, family and demographics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:People don't like the truth. I made sure to be married by 30 and was a few years early. 30 year anniversary this year. It gets harder for women after 30. It just does. Facts. I wasn't going to turn into a 40 year old single cat lady with no kids. And I didn't.

Ok, [url]MAGA trash. [b]

Why do you roll this out without even thinking? You are wasting everyone’s time with there brilliant assumptions of yours that anyone arguing a position different than your own is MAGA. We’re getting tired of it.

+1
I've started reporting aholes who hurl this out at anyone who disagrees with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He’s a very well respected, popular conservative sociology professor. My dd took his class though she didn’t agree with anything he believed, she respected him.

I haven’t read the 10+ pages on this thread, but Brad Wilcox’s research has a very clear pro-marriage agenda. He goes out of his way to frame his findings around promoting marriage. For example, he’ll show that children raised by marriage parents have better financial outcomes, but he’ll ignore the fact that people with college degrees are more likely to get and stay married. So it’s not marriage itself that leads to those outcomes. He runs a research center at UVA mostly dedicated to promoting marriage and pronatalist research. I’ve met him at sociology conferences. Pleasant guy, but questionable scholarship.

As an aside, as a sociologists, I was both annoyed and amused a few months ago when someone started a thread on sociology majors and there were pages of comments bashing it as an easy major for kids who aren’t so smart. Yet folks here love to talk about issues sociologists study, like work, family and demographics.

The bolded is absolutely true. And it doesn't sound like he's advising anyone to skip college. You can still get a college degree and marry relatively early.
https://www.npr.org/2023/10/22/1207322878/single-parent-married-good-for-children-inequality
https://acpeds.org/marriage-divorce-and-family-relations-effect-on-children/

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Married at 25. Just had our 14 year anniversary. 2 kids in elementary school.

We’ve had a lot of big life/traumatic events happen at young ages. We’ve grown together and we’ve grown as individuals. We are so different now than when we met in college. I think the key is open communication and accepting change. And truly accepting the other person for who they are.

We have definitely Benefitted from a young marriage. And while money felt tight in the beginning when we had young careers, a new home, and a baby, now we’re hitting our stride and I’m grateful that I will be only about 49 when my oldest graduates college.

You have two kids in elementary school and you are on here?
Assuming you’re not a troll, go spend some time with your family. Way, way too early to be here.
Or go back to your homework.