Help With Embryo Donation

[Anonymous]

I am seeking advice as the best local forum to offer the genetically normal boy we have in storage. I am aware of online sites that do this en masse but I wanted to see if someone in the area was interested before I did so. This embryo was from the IVF round where I could have lost my life so this has particular resonance for me. I have two healthy, beautiful and smart children from IVF. My husband and I want someone else to have the same gift that we do. To the extent this matters, we neither have any adverse genetic predispositions nor any mental issues of which we are aware. We are a mix of many European ethnicities. We both attended Ivy League colleges and are athletic (my husband was top ten in the United States in his sport many years ago). We are open to having contact with the person who adopts him and are also open to no contact at all. Given the above, is Facebook the place to go or somewhere else?
And in the spirit of this post -- which comes from a deep desire to share with someone else-- please be positive.

[Anonymous]

Ok, so maybe this is a weird question, but does anyone ever think about saving the frozen embryos so your kids could use them when grown if they have their own fertility issues? Or is there an issue with giving birth to your genetic sibling? I think that would be a pretty awesome option to have

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ok, so maybe this is a weird question, but does anyone ever think about saving the frozen embryos so your kids could use them when grown if they have their own fertility issues? Or is there an issue with giving birth to your genetic sibling? I think that would be a pretty awesome option to have

Who’s going to pay 30 years of storage fees?

[Anonymous]

There are fb infertility groups...that's where I'd try. How incredibly generous

[Anonymous]

Are you doing an open adoption? Given the advent of 23andme it's ceetain that the child will find you so might be easiest to include them in your life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are fb infertility groups...that's where I'd try. How incredibly generous

+1 to FB. It is more difficult to donate a single embryo. If you start getting third parties involved it lowers the chance of success. Ask your clinic if they have a donation program.

I hope your embryo finds an amazing family!

[Anonymous]

I connected with a family who was donating their embryos through FB. That family was in Seattle and we are in the DMV. Lots of think about here (logistics, legal, relationship, etc) but it is such a generous gift. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

I donated through an agency and now advise others to find a private match if they can because it allows you to get to know the recipient better on a personal level. You're right that agencies typically work with more than one embryo at a time. What I didn't understand at the start of my journey with this is how many people are looking for healthy embryos. Once you donate, however, you completely rely on the character of the recipient to uphold the intentions of your contract. The happiest donors I know took their time to find recipients they could really click with because hopefully you end up building a new branch of family. They didn't say too much about the relationship they wanted so they could get a better sense of the recipients. If you say everything about your values up front, people may just try to match you to be chosen.

There are best practice recommendations that the Donor Conceived People (DCP) community are hoping donors will take to heart. Generally their message is that everyone should have access to honest information about their genetic family from day one. They hope that anonymous donation will become illegal because many of them have suffered emotionally finding out their parents lied to them about their origins until adulthood or until they did their own genetic testing. There's a subreddit called AskaDCP where you can read and interact if you want to know more about their perspective.

There's a Facebook group called Embryo Donation (Donors Only) where you can learn a ton from other donors experiences all the way from potential donors grappling with wondering how it will feel to donate with different arrangements (closed to semi-open to open) to donors who generously share their experiences after having donated years ago.

On a personal note, I found it emotionally challenging to donate, but am so glad that I placed my embryos with a wonderful couple who are open to knowing us and committed to honesty with their children. When I see pictures and videos of my genetic children, they feel like what I imagine grandchildren feel like. Others compare the feeling to seeing a nephew. They are exactly as amazing as I knew they would be and I am thrilled that the children I am raising will get to meet them for the first time this year.

[Anonymous]

We donated 2 embryos through SGF, our fertility clinic. It's a pretty opaque process, and anonymity wouldn't necessarily be my first choice, but we felt the gift was the most important thing. A family going through infertility is experiencing enough. They shouldn't have to feel the burden of proving themselves or thinking forward at the concept of incorporating the donors into the equation of their families. Not that there's a problem with everyone involved knowing each other, but I'd hate for it to be another roadblock to achieving parenthood. We only know our donated embryos were given/claimed, but no idea if they resulted in viable pregnancies or live births. I am ok knowing we did our best to share the possibility. And I think it would be great if any resulting kid(s) find our kids – their genetic siblings – one day down the road (or vice versa!).

[Anonymous]

this group is very active and supportive: https://www.facebook.com/groups/IVFAbroad