Failure to thrive
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
Worried about my DS who is in college studying health sciences. He has a 2.7 GPA after 3 semesters showing no signs of improving. It seems like he has no plans for the future and wants to live at home for the rest of his life. He doesn't seem worried about getting a job and doesn't want to go to grad school. He did fine enough in high school and the college he is at isn't particularly hard/prestigious (ranked around #120).
For parents who have had adult kids who had trouble thriving as adults: does this sound familiar? Does this sound like something he might grow out of? How did you help/how did your children get out of it? Any advice/sharing of experiences is greatly appreciated. |
Anonymous
|
It’s hard to know why this is the case for him and how to support him without knowing the full situation but, barring a mental health issue, he could just be burnt out from school and in a weird phase.
I graduated with a low ish gpa from a big state school and worked a few retail/coffee shop jobs before I grew up and out of it. Ended up getting married to a good guy, having kids, I make decent money in a career I like. I appreciated that my parents never made a big deal of it and allowed me to be independent and make my own decisions. |
Anonymous
| Why not live in the dorms. Maybe $ is an issue? If not, he will likely grow-up if on his own. As much on his own as possible. Summer job and he finds an apartment or share. He learns what $ he needs to make to make living on his own happen. And that leads to what majors make that happen, what classes and what grades make that happen. Meanwhile sit with him and have him show you his major and what the requirements are. Read re: the course, the prerequisites. Make sure you both see a way through this, a path to graduation. |
Anonymous
|
The goal is for him to support himself.
Let him know, living at home should only be temporary to save money. It sounds like he is on path to graduate/not falling , give him some credit. |
Anonymous
+1. I was going to say the same thing, that he should be aware that the expectation is he supports himself after graduation. I wouldn’t worry about his GPA, as long as he’s passing and doesn’t need to maintain a certain GPA to keep merit scholarships. Maybe you let him know you’ll give him a year - one year - to get his footing and save some money after he graduates. Then he has to find a place to live, and cover his expenses. |
Anonymous
| 2.7 is really not that bad. It's a B-. He still has 2.5 years to go. There's a lot of maturity that will happen in that time, so don't worry at this point. Just don't enable him. Does he work over the summers? That should be a requirement for living at home. |
Anonymous
Agree. |
Anonymous
| Find a major he likes. |
Anonymous
| How does he feel about health sciences? Is it possible he’s unhappy with that? Could he be depressed? Undiagnosed health problems? Sometimes a gap year can be helpful in finding the right path. |
Anonymous
|
That’s not failure to thrive. It’s failure to launch.
|
Anonymous
And this kid isn't even failing for gosh sakes. A 2.7 is a B-!! You shouldn't even know his GPA. He's not close to academic probation or any other bad scenarios. I'm sure you've heard "Cs get degrees" . Chill out and let him mature. You being so up his ass is preventing this from happening, if you haven't figured that out.... You sound delusional and controlling. If you haven't already killed any ounce of confidence in your ds, I beg you to change your mindset around him (really, your outlook on life should change). Can you imagine if our life trajectory was set at 19/20 years old??? Thankfully it's not. Thankfully your ds has his entire life to find his way. Nothing good will come of you describing him as failing. You've provided no other info that raises red flags. He should be living in the dorm, working over the summer, joining clubs, etc. Let him live his life. |
Anonymous
|
"It seems like he has no plans for the future and wants to live at home for the rest of his life."
Let him know that this is not at all an option for him. Make it crystal clear. |
Anonymous
Actively going to college and achieving a B- GPA is not failure to launch! Failure to launch is not pursuing a trade or higher education and not putting effort into finding employment, sitting around your parents house playing video games. |
Anonymous
NP. Well, "failure to thrive" is an established term that refers to young children failing to meet expected weight and growth milestones. It has nothing to do with young adults and is confusing for people who actually know things to see it used in this context. I'm not sure what the clinical term is for what OP is describing...maybe at-risk for failure to launch? If he is specifically saying he wants to live at home forever I'd be concerned, though it is difficult to tell from the OP how much of this is directly coming from the child and how much is OP making assumptions based on current GPA. |
Anonymous
| Have you been subsidizing his lifestyle? Early on we let our kids know that once they were old enough to get a job they needed to if they wanted spending money. When they graduated from college they were well motivated to get jobs and go out on their own. A cold dose of reality may be required. |