Is this Harmless ribbing or Offensive?

[Anonymous]

Kid A calls Kid B “Gobblin ears”.

Kid A mom says that’s offensive don’t ever do that, makes kid go apologize.
Kid C mom says that’s part of harmless teasing of your friends, chill out.

Kid A is 6, Kid B is 10, Kid C is 12.

Kid B’s parents weren’t around for this situation

[Anonymous]

It’s harmless, but also fine for mom to want her child to have better manners.

[Anonymous]

Are his ears pointy- I would say that is mean. Don't comment on anything someone can't fix in 10 seconds.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it’s ever wrong to correct your kid about being mean to someone

[Anonymous]

What was kid B's reaction? What is their relationship? It could be harmless banter, but only if Kid B is ok with it.

[Anonymous]

I think any comment on someone’s appearance is inappropriate. Especially if it’s something that cannot be altered.

[Anonymous]

Depending on context and tone, it might have been either rude or harmless ribbing. If rude, making the kid apologize is a good idea. If good fun, then a parent interfering and forcing the apology turns everything awkward.

Offensive? Is parent A afraid of offending goblins? While the definition of offensive may be very similar to rude, I think that it has developed a slightly different connotation in recent years. I wouldn’t describe this interaction as offensive. Rudeness is sufficiently bad, in and of itself, for a parent to crack down on it.

[Anonymous]

If you’re making a comment about someone’s appearance that can be changed in a minute, that’s perfectly fine:
“Sally, you have broccoli teeth!”
Sally checks her teeth, gets the broccoli out. Done.

If you’re making a comment about someone’s appearance that cannot be changed in a minute, that’s rude and should not be said:
“Sally, your ears are pointy like a goblin. You have goblin ears!”
No one is getting plastic surgery with in a minute, hour or even a month. Comment was rude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Depending on context and tone, it might have been either rude or harmless ribbing. If rude, making the kid apologize is a good idea. If good fun, then a parent interfering and forcing the apology turns everything awkward.

Offensive? Is parent A afraid of offending goblins? While the definition of offensive may be very similar to rude, I think that it has developed a slightly different connotation in recent years. I wouldn’t describe this interaction as offensive. Rudeness is sufficiently bad, in and of itself, for a parent to crack down on it.

Offending the insulted kid, obviously.

Rude means lacking in refinement. It doesn't necessarily mean hurtful.

Offensive means some kind of attack against someone.

An attack can be just rude or just offensive or both.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re making a comment about someone’s appearance that can be changed in a minute, that’s perfectly fine:
“Sally, you have broccoli teeth!”
Sally checks her teeth, gets the broccoli out. Done.

If you’re making a comment about someone’s appearance that cannot be changed in a minute, that’s rude and should not be said:
“Sally, your ears are pointy like a goblin. You have goblin ears!”
No one is getting plastic surgery with in a minute, hour or even a month. Comment was rude.

Even if they can change it, it's rude.

[Anonymous]

Wut

[Anonymous]

Mom C is the one with goblin ears and she can pull them out of things that aren't her business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s harmless, but also fine for mom to want her child to have better manners.

This. Both are okay. Mom C should butt out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re making a comment about someone’s appearance that can be changed in a minute, that’s perfectly fine:
“Sally, you have broccoli teeth!”
Sally checks her teeth, gets the broccoli out. Done.

If you’re making a comment about someone’s appearance that cannot be changed in a minute, that’s rude and should not be said:
“Sally, your ears are pointy like a goblin. You have goblin ears!”
No one is getting plastic surgery with in a minute, hour or even a month. Comment was rude.

Even if they can change it, it's rude.

So you’re one of those that let friends walk around with spinach in their teeth and their fly wide open? Wow. 😳

[Anonymous]

OP note the difference in ages. There's more that a 12 year old can say, to harmlessly rib their same-age friends, *if* they have a strong relationship already.

I'm not saying that this is what happened here (a 6 yr/old making a comment to a 10 yr/old). But maybe that's why you're seeing Kid C's mom respond in that way.

And the average 6 yr/old doesn't yet understand these nuances. They still need to be reminded what is kind vs. unkind, funny vs. unfunny. So maybe that's why you're seeing Kid A's mom respond in the way they did.