anyone have the odd girl out with no boyfriend?
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Anonymous
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My senior daughter is in a friend group of about a half dozen girls who have all been friends since elementary or middle school. All the girls but mine now have boyfriends and there is a party tonight that all the couples are going to. It's at a country club that one of the kids belongs to so isn't an open invite. My kid will be at home alone as we have plans as well (and I can't cancel). Her brother will be out with his girlfriend.
I'm not sure what the point of this is except that it is hard to watch. The 1:1 coupling is now happening most weekends. She keeps expanding her friend group but then those girls end up dating someone too. I'm eager for college to start but I wonder if this will all happen again. Sigh. Thanks for listening. |
Anonymous
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Lots of girls around her age don't have boyfriends. Covid really screwed up socialization for a LOT of kids. Maybe one of her friends' boyfriends can set her up, but maybe she doesn't feel ready for a boyfriend so isn't giving off signals she's ready for that.
She'll get wherever she's going in her own time. |
Anonymous
Yes, this was the case until recently. Now everyone in her friend group is paired up. They're seniors and most are dating for the first time so they're definitely Covid-delayed but it's now the norm. |
Anonymous
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Maybe she doesn't even like boys?
She'll be fine home alone for one night. Not a big deal. |
Anonymous
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What does your daughter say about it? Is it mostly that she feels left out/without plans or also that she wants a boyfriend?
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Anonymous
| Is she open to being with the group and not being matched-up? Surely one of those guys has a friend who wants to tag along too. If your DD didn't view things as defined, as couples, that would help. |
Anonymous
| No, in my daughter's friend group, there are far more unpartnered kids than couples. |
Anonymous
| I had a long term boyfriend in HS. Even though we were an established couple there was plenty of times we were hanging out with 1 other friend. So it was 3 of us doing things. She needs to be open to not defining things as couples. |
Anonymous
| I'm confused - was she invited and doesn't want to go alone, or was she not invited because she is not part of a couple? If she was not invited because she's not part of a couple, then I would question these friendships. It's not cool to leave out one of your best friends just because she's not single. |
Anonymous
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Is there a reason they don’t invite her to third wheel ? Like obviously sometimes that doesn’t work but if it’s a group activity that isn’t particularly romantic or date like then if it’s 2-3 couples and your daughter it should be fine. Are they not inviting her or is she turning them down bc she is sensitive to being without a boyfriend, or just weird about third wheeling?
My 17 yo does have a boyfriend and will hang out just them plus her best friend, who almost never has a guy who has progressed to that stage yet. Maybe it helps that her boyfriend was someone that hung out with both of them before they started dating? (Somewhat friends with bff) and usually boyfriend will invite a few of his guy friends so then it’s just a group. They have a lot of fun but they are more the party crowd than the double date movie crowd (she will do that too but likes a bit of social chaos and meeting new ppl and so does he) Maybe these girls are a certain type that aren’t used to mixed gender friend groups? So it’s either all the girls or it’s couples….she should really expand to making friends with guys and mixed gender groups and move away from girl groups who sound too rigid and kinda limited socially. And college freshman year will be different - most don’t couple up in any serious way that first year. Last suggestions - if she can’t beat them, join them. Ask to be set up. It’s not bad practice. She doesn’t have to be serious with anyone. |
Anonymous
| Your DD should grab a guy who's just a friend and join the group. It takes some initiative. Yeah, ideally, a guy known and liked by the other guys - that's probably most important. |
Anonymous
NP- My dd does that...but it's not the same. And it's a little awkward because people do assume couple. There's nothing bad about wanting to be in a romantic relationship. |
Anonymous
| So it's awkward. Too bad. She's included if she wants to be. |
Anonymous
| So is your DD bothered by this or just you? My DD is a senior as well and only one girl dating in her friend group. It’s a mixed gender friend group and they are all happy just hanging out without needing a boyfriend or girlfriend. |
Anonymous
why are you sharing your daughter's experience which is the opposite of OPs? Are you autistic? |