Christmas with an only child teen, how to keep it festive?

[Anonymous]

How do you make Christmas special when you're just with your three person nuclear family and the child is now a teenager?

It wasn't a problem when DD was younger and loved all the parental attention but now is turning 13 right around Christmas and recently had moved into much-rather-be-with-my-friends than my parents mode. We have little traditions like decor and gifts, but I'm feeling anxious about this mood we've been seeing bringing down the day. Last weekend we planned to do traditional Christmas baking to give cookies to the neighbors and it was like pulling teeth.

[Anonymous]

Go to a holiday show?

Go shopping?

Put on holiday music?

Buy holiday pajamas?

Next year - advent calendar with little individually purchased goodies

[Anonymous]

Does she have any friends who are also only children? Can you buddy up with them?

[Anonymous]

We pair up with other friends or family friends who have an only child. We go to holiday concerts that her friends are performing in. We try to keep a mix of family friends of different ages so DD doesn’t feel self-conscious about being with someone her age who she doesn’t like- when we visit with other families, she has older girls to look up to and younger kids so she has some responsibility. We also schedule special holiday outings with friends that she chooses- movies, meals out, sledding outings, etc. It helps that her sport is very busy December-March, so that keeps her occupied.

The only times that it’s just the 3 of us around the holidays are driving to/from events, Christmas Eve, and Christmas morning.

I also try to build in stuff for the lulls that can make a house feel empty. So if I know we’re coming from a bustling holiday show at her school and coming back to an empty house way before bedtime, I’ll already have her looking forward to the hallmark movie we’re going to watch and what kind of popcorn we’ll make.

Quiet alone time that feels good the rest of the year can feel lonely this time of year, and I try not to leave her with too much of it unless I sense she’s seeking it out.

[Anonymous]

Go ice skating. Grab a hot chocolate afterwards, take a walk or go shopping afterwards. It doesn't need to be extravagant. Keep it simple. Keep it short. Enjoy whatever moments you can get, they're fleeting.

[Anonymous]

We are a 3 person family too with an only 12yo.
We try and do stuff with other families.
Making a mini Oreo gingerbread house this year took all of 5 mins and was also like pulling teeth. This age is hard.

[Anonymous]

Get out of the house! We have a 14-yr-old. Our tradition is presents and brunch at home, followed by going for a hike and then out for dinner.

[Anonymous]

Stuff with other families leading up to the holidays but during the winter break, we always go on a vacation. So many people are out of town and there are nearly 2 weeks to fill. It isn't important to us to be home on Christmas day so we'll be in the Caribbean. It is nice to have a trip to look forward to, doing stuff DS likes.

[Anonymous]

You have to leave the house at this age

So no baking unless they like baking.

You might have to throw some money at this. Maybe some shows. Take them and a friend to something

[Anonymous]

Ask him what would bake the day special..and do it.

[Anonymous]

I would ask! They may have good ideas.

[Anonymous]

Make a list of all the holiday markets and choose a few to check out. Plan on late lunch at a restaurant known for their decorations. At that age, my DDs liked to shop and try new food. Although neither was on social media, I was also aware they would like taking pictures and sending them to group chats, so it was a win for both of us.

[Anonymous]

Definitely ask for a few suggestions. Then, don’t try to force the festive feeling. Most teenagers go through phases where they don’t want to be with their parents. There will be other years that will feel more special.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have to leave the house at this age

So no baking unless they like baking.

You might have to throw some money at this. Maybe some shows. Take them and a friend to something

This. At this age they have real preferences and activities aren't fun just because they are "holiday" or they get to do it with mom.

We go to the movies a lot, go see the Nutcracker (DD does ballet and is still into this), go out to eat. We try to hit all our favorite restaurants during the break. Same with favorite take out. Yes to time with other families but also we don't force that -- we know a few other families with onlies and we'll do stuff with them or with families from school as it comes up.

I actually disagree with the PP that doing stuff just the 3 of us feels "lonely" this time of year. I think it's a mindset. I like doing stuff just the 3 of us. But the key is to do stuff DD actually likes doing and not to do "forced family fun." That's not just a holiday thing, it's year round. Larger families can get away with that more but with just one kid, you need that kid's buy in.

Whenever DD suggest something holiday-related, I try to make it happen. She suggested we get ugly Christmas sweaters one year, so we did (even though neither her dad nor I would ever choose that). She wanted to watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy in order last years, so we did that and now it's tradition.

I have actually liked as she's gotten older how she determines more of what we do and it takes the pressure off just to make "Holiday magic." We treat it like we would any vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have to leave the house at this age

So no baking unless they like baking.

You might have to throw some money at this. Maybe some shows. Take them and a friend to something

This. At this age they have real preferences and activities aren't fun just because they are "holiday" or they get to do it with mom.

We go to the movies a lot, go see the Nutcracker (DD does ballet and is still into this), go out to eat. We try to hit all our favorite restaurants during the break. Same with favorite take out. Yes to time with other families but also we don't force that -- we know a few other families with onlies and we'll do stuff with them or with families from school as it comes up.

I actually disagree with the PP that doing stuff just the 3 of us feels "lonely" this time of year. I think it's a mindset. I like doing stuff just the 3 of us. But the key is to do stuff DD actually likes doing and not to do "forced family fun." That's not just a holiday thing, it's year round. Larger families can get away with that more but with just one kid, you need that kid's buy in.

Whenever DD suggest something holiday-related, I try to make it happen. She suggested we get ugly Christmas sweaters one year, so we did (even though neither her dad nor I would ever choose that). She wanted to watch the Lord of the Rings Trilogy in order last years, so we did that and now it's tradition.

I have actually liked as she's gotten older how she determines more of what we do and it takes the pressure off just to make "Holiday magic." We treat it like we would any vacation.

+1. I agree with all of this. My DD is almost 16 and enjoys doing holiday-related things with us, but we don't force it. We've watched a couple of holiday movies, decorated the house, went shopping, etc. If I suggest something she doesn't want to do, I generally let it go. It just isn't worth it for the most part. She is generally pretty agreeable, though, so we might be having different teen experiences.

While I wouldn't call it lonely, the experience is different and quieter than that of larger families. I am also an only and all of my DD's cousins from DH's side are elsewhere. Our holidays are generally quiet. I think sometimes she wishes more people were around but it is what it is, you know?