DS 14 search how to commit suicide

[Anonymous]

Counselor from school called me to share that Go Guardian flagged his search, which was in You Tube, on his school issued computer (at home last week). He is an amazing kid with good grades and interests. He has a strong friend group at school but never has any social interaction outside of school. He has social anxiety and saw a therapist from 4-7th grade. He did really well (CBT) and I thought he was in a better place. Counselor shared he was on the search for less than a minute and then went back to watching sports videos. He said it was a knee jerk search and as soon as he did it, it scared him and he and closed it. She looked back in his history and it showed 5 other times in 2022-2023 when he searched “how to die”. But again there were no clicks (on it for less than a minute) or anything and no follow up searches.

We are very close and he talked to me last night. Said he doesn’t remember even why he searched it last week. He doesn’t want to talk to therapist again and said he would come to me. But I feel he needs more help. My husband has been in a situational depression state for the last month and I’m just trying to hold the family together. I’m seeing a therapist and reached out for more sessions but curious to know if teens are searching this kind of topic who aren’t really a danger to themselves? It’s like everyone who knows my DS thinks he is this great, well adjusted, well liked kid and I can’t shake the felling that something is really wrong. I just don’t know how to support him while preserving our relationship.

[Anonymous]

Do you want to preserve the relationship or do you want him to stay alive?

I would get him into therapy. I would firmly but gently explain, "I hear you, that you'd prefer not to do this, but Id' rather you speak to a therapist for a few sessions and get their professional opinion on whether you should continue. I love you and want you to know how much I value your trust but this is a parent decision to keep you safe."


(and this isn't hypothetical for me. btdt)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to preserve the relationship or do you want him to stay alive?

I would get him into therapy. I would firmly but gently explain, "I hear you, that you'd prefer not to do this, but Id' rather you speak to a therapist for a few sessions and get their professional opinion on whether you should continue. I love you and want you to know how much I value your trust but this is a parent decision to keep you safe."


(and this isn't hypothetical for me. btdt)

OP here- thank you for this- I like how you frame getting help right now. Hugs.

[Anonymous]

OP, I am so there with you right now. I’m literally heading to my 13 year old’s school this afternoon to meet with the counselor about this. We were blindsided, as he seems completely fine on the outside. Great student, teachers all love and praise him. I wish I had some answers. Sending you strength.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to preserve the relationship or do you want him to stay alive?

I would get him into therapy. I would firmly but gently explain, "I hear you, that you'd prefer not to do this, but Id' rather you speak to a therapist for a few sessions and get their professional opinion on whether you should continue. I love you and want you to know how much I value your trust but this is a parent decision to keep you safe."


(and this isn't hypothetical for me. btdt)

This. Better to push now on getting him some help and be wrong about him needing it than the other way around. Wishing you and your family the best, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so there with you right now. I’m literally heading to my 13 year old’s school this afternoon to meet with the counselor about this. We were blindsided, as he seems completely fine on the outside. Great student, teachers all love and praise him. I wish I had some answers. Sending you strength.

OP here- Sending you hugs. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone. It’s so scary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you want to preserve the relationship or do you want him to stay alive?

I would get him into therapy. I would firmly but gently explain, "I hear you, that you'd prefer not to do this, but Id' rather you speak to a therapist for a few sessions and get their professional opinion on whether you should continue. I love you and want you to know how much I value your trust but this is a parent decision to keep you safe."


(and this isn't hypothetical for me. btdt)

This. Better to push now on getting him some help and be wrong about him needing it than the other way around. Wishing you and your family the best, OP.

OP here- was able to get him a session with his old therapist this Thursday at 4:30.

[Anonymous]

Is he by chance a middle child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Counselor from school called me to share that Go Guardian flagged his search, which was in You Tube, on his school issued computer (at home last week). He is an amazing kid with good grades and interests. He has a strong friend group at school but never has any social interaction outside of school. He has social anxiety and saw a therapist from 4-7th grade. He did really well (CBT) and I thought he was in a better place. Counselor shared he was on the search for less than a minute and then went back to watching sports videos. He said it was a knee jerk search and as soon as he did it, it scared him and he and closed it. She looked back in his history and it showed 5 other times in 2022-2023 when he searched “how to die”. But again there were no clicks (on it for less than a minute) or anything and no follow up searches.

We are very close and he talked to me last night. Said he doesn’t remember even why he searched it last week. He doesn’t want to talk to therapist again and said he would come to me. But I feel he needs more help. My husband has been in a situational depression state for the last month and I’m just trying to hold the family together. I’m seeing a therapist and reached out for more sessions but curious to know if teens are searching this kind of topic who aren’t really a danger to themselves? It’s like everyone who knows my DS thinks he is this great, well adjusted, well liked kid and I can’t shake the felling that something is really wrong. I just don’t know how to support him while preserving our relationship.

I think this is worth thinking more carefully about. What do you mean by no social interaction? Is he on the apps like TikTok, Instagram, etc.? Does he interact with kids on that? Any sports or extracurriculars? I think it's a very positive thing for a kid to have social interaction outside of school hours. Best of luck to your family.

[Anonymous]

I would also ask the therapist and your pediatrician if they can get you a referral to a psychiatrist. You need to at least get evaluated to see if meds are in order.

[Anonymous]

I’m glad he is going to therapy. We had an incident with a young family member and she almost succeeded. Her parents were shocked, as the whole family was. Thankfully, she got the help she needed and is doing great. Always take it seriously. Lots of love and hugs.

[Anonymous]

I have a different opinion. I’m not sure we have evidence that talking about feeling bad helps a person feel better. I would be wary of putting my child with whom I have a close relationship and who has said there’s nothing to worry about into therapy where he will constantly be asked how he’s feeling. Sometimes it’s better for feelings to be pushed down. That’s what humanity has done for thousands of years. We all think about suicide, I did at 14. And guess what, no one could see any search results because they were done at the library or nowhere because no information existed. I would tread very carefully here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Counselor from school called me to share that Go Guardian flagged his search, which was in You Tube, on his school issued computer (at home last week). He is an amazing kid with good grades and interests. He has a strong friend group at school but never has any social interaction outside of school. He has social anxiety and saw a therapist from 4-7th grade. He did really well (CBT) and I thought he was in a better place. Counselor shared he was on the search for less than a minute and then went back to watching sports videos. He said it was a knee jerk search and as soon as he did it, it scared him and he and closed it. She looked back in his history and it showed 5 other times in 2022-2023 when he searched “how to die”. But again there were no clicks (on it for less than a minute) or anything and no follow up searches.

We are very close and he talked to me last night. Said he doesn’t remember even why he searched it last week. He doesn’t want to talk to therapist again and said he would come to me. But I feel he needs more help. My husband has been in a situational depression state for the last month and I’m just trying to hold the family together. I’m seeing a therapist and reached out for more sessions but curious to know if teens are searching this kind of topic who aren’t really a danger to themselves? It’s like everyone who knows my DS thinks he is this great, well adjusted, well liked kid and I can’t shake the felling that something is really wrong. I just don’t know how to support him while preserving our relationship.

I think this is worth thinking more carefully about. What do you mean by no social interaction? Is he on the apps like TikTok, Instagram, etc.? Does he interact with kids on that? Any sports or extracurriculars? I think it's a very positive thing for a kid to have social interaction outside of school hours. Best of luck to your family.

He does a fall and spring sport but nothing in the winter. He only has Snapchat (with a time limit) so he can snap with his friends. He sits with a nice group of boys at lunch. However his friends live far away (30-45 min) and they never ask him to do anything. When he has asked them they say they can’t come over for various reasons (parents won’t drive, family stuff). So in winter months he comes home and plays soccer outside with his younger brother and then is bored.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he by chance a middle child?

No- oldest- with a very confident, social younger brother

[Anonymous]

OP here- I should add that we lived in the DC area and moved away to a more rural area thinking less areas and competition would be better for their mental health. I guess “wherever you go, there you are.”