Compensation For Caregiving

[Anonymous]

My ML is two miles south of us and needing to move into a home. She was widowed in March has early Alz andnow lives alone in a big SFH on a half acre. There have been three instances since March that were scary, contrcators trying to rip her off, she got her car stuck in a ditch and now a neighbor called my wife to say she was confused, and in her robe in the street in front of her house.

My wife has one sister and she lives in Seattle and hs no interest in helping. The estae is sizeable ~5M but my MIL is absolutely refusing to go to a home, but she will agree to move into our guest room with her own bath.

I do not like the idea but she is family and I'm not going to say no.

My question is a practical one- should my wife 'bill' the estate for this care? Simply put, it isn't fair to me that we provide all this care only to have the estate split down the middle a few years from now.

[Anonymous]

If she has 5 mil. I'd hire caregivers to come to her house before moving her in with you.

We paid $31 per hour in rural MD for adult caregivers.

[Anonymous]

I don 't think you understand what you are getting into moving her in and you could end up moving her right back out if you have to deal with the type of Alzheimers some of us faced with family.

I would find her a good Memory care and work with an aging care professional. Often they suggest therapeutic lies to help them move. Aging at home with 24-7 care will likely be more expensive and more isolating.

[Anonymous]

In my opinion, yes, it is absolutely fair for you to bill the estate. Establish this with your sister now. Send periodic updates. If there are no surprises things should go more smoothly. Bonus, this will give your sister an idea of how much work is really involved here.

[Anonymous]

Yes, if an adult child provides care/labor for the parent it is absolutely fair that they get paid from the parent's money/estate.
In my family, my brother is the one that does this. He and my dad live on the west coast and my other sibling and I live thousands of miles away on the east coast.
My dad does not live in my brother's house; he lives in an assisted living facility. But my brother has still needed to help my dad with things like bill paying, driving to appointments and errands, and even just helping him to find this assisted living and arranging the move in, etc.
My brother receives $37/hr for labor (such as driving my dad to an appointment) and $47/hr for financial help (such as helping my dad pay his bills.)
My brother does not provide help with things like bathing or any type of medical care. If my dad needed help like that we'd hire someone.

[Anonymous]

I'm the poster at 17:31

Also, of course my brother also gets reimbursed mileage for any driving and reimbursed for any other expenses he has while he is helping my dad.

[Anonymous]

How old is she? Is she healthy otherwise? Trying to figure out how long she will live.

Don't send her to a home. She will not be treated there well.

If you don't want to move her in, you could hire 24-7 care for her. If you hire thru an agency, that will likely cost around 150k per year, perhaps more.

You could do private pay as well but that is harder unless your wife can go over there if someone calls out (maybe she can). Private pay could be cheaper.

You could also let her move in, but hire help to come to your house, but that means you have strangers in your house.

Or maybe you could build an ADU in one of your yards and she could live there?

I think it would be fair to charge the estate 15 to 20 dollars an hour for every hour of care your wife provides.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? Is she healthy otherwise? Trying to figure out how long she will live.

Don't send her to a home. She will not be treated there well.

If you don't want to move her in, you could hire 24-7 care for her. If you hire thru an agency, that will likely cost around 150k per year, perhaps more.

You could do private pay as well but that is harder unless your wife can go over there if someone calls out (maybe she can). Private pay could be cheaper.

You could also let her move in, but hire help to come to your house, but that means you have strangers in your house.

Or maybe you could build an ADU in one of your yards and she could live there?

I think it would be fair to charge the estate 15 to 20 dollars an hour for every hour of care your wife provides.

Your estimates are way too low. 24/7 care through an agency will be at least $30k/month.

[Anonymous]

What guarantees that you’d get from estate?

Charge rent

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What guarantees that you’d get from estate?

Charge rent

OP (or anyone else in this situation) should not wait for the inheritance. Bill it on a monthly (or weekly) basis.

[Anonymous]

Be forewarned that sometimes siblings expect the other sibling to do these things for free. Talk about it up front. Really, though it's easier if she is in a memory care where they are trained to deal even if the decline gets bad, you don't need to alter your home, there are social activities, etc. Your sibling will see just how much this care costs, and you can visit and enjoy the elder without feeling burned out and unappreciated while also having constant strangers coming in and out. You also don't risk an sibling wanting constant tallies of every hour and what you did and claiming you are charging too much. Much easier when you need to go out of town as well or just need a break.

The decline can be terrifying and traumatic and not something you want to be subjected to 24-7. Plus, they can pick up on emotions and become agitated. So your stress can make it worse. It's a lot easier to hold it together when you go visit and use all the techniques to keep things pleasant, then leave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How old is she? Is she healthy otherwise? Trying to figure out how long she will live.

Don't send her to a home. She will not be treated there well.

If you don't want to move her in, you could hire 24-7 care for her. If you hire thru an agency, that will likely cost around 150k per year, perhaps more.

You could do private pay as well but that is harder unless your wife can go over there if someone calls out (maybe she can). Private pay could be cheaper.

You could also let her move in, but hire help to come to your house, but that means you have strangers in your house.

Or maybe you could build an ADU in one of your yards and she could live there?

I think it would be fair to charge the estate 15 to 20 dollars an hour for every hour of care your wife provides.

Your estimates are way too low. 24/7 care through an agency will be at least $30k/month.

^this is accurate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What guarantees that you’d get from estate?

Charge rent

OP (or anyone else in this situation) should not wait for the inheritance. Bill it on a monthly (or weekly) basis.

This is good advice.

-signed an individual that cared for their dying parent for 2 years only to see a mentally ill sibling covince them on the side to cut me and my other sibling out of the will. Real crazy stuff. This stuff happens all the time.

[Anonymous]

We were looking at $18-20K per month in rural upstate NY for in-home care. That was under the table so not applicable to the IRS deduction.

Memory Care there is in the range $7-$11k per month, in a facility where the fees can be applied to the IRS deduction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What guarantees that you’d get from estate?

Charge rent

OP (or anyone else in this situation) should not wait for the inheritance. Bill it on a monthly (or weekly) basis.

X1000 don’t wait for an estate (which is only created after she dies). Charge rent and establish an hourly rate for care. Hire help and maintain records. Any home modifications that are needed (security cameras, grab bars, etc) should be paid by her.

We are getting to a very similar point and I will offer half of my first floor to my mom under the condition that she pays for enclosing the area she would like private and any modifications.