What to say to someone who has lost a child.
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Anonymous
Anonymous
| Can you post as gift article? |
Anonymous
FYI I just refreshed the page and was able to read. |
Anonymous
| "I'm so sorry"? |
Anonymous
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My daughter died last year. I think the article has a lot of helpful points. I also think a lot has to do with how well you know the family.
Something that I read which struck a chord with me was "there is a big difference between sympathy and empathy." Sympathy is basically "I'm glad I'm not you" and empathy is "I'll sit with you in the dark". I'm thankful for those in my circle who offer us the later. Also, I'm often refraining from bringing my child into the conversation as I know it makes others uncomfortable. Don't take that as a sign as I've gotten over it or have moved on. I'm carrying on as best I can but I miss her and think of her a hundred times a day. This poem I think really captures the reality of the grief of child loss https://pin.it/3C2fxDoo5 |
Anonymous
I am so sorry for your loss. I have a friend who lost a child a couple of years ago. Based on something I read at the time, I try to mention her son by name and a memory of him sometimes when I talk to her, to help her realize she can talk about him to me and to let her know other people are still thinking about him too. I hope you have some people who will not just sit with you, but who you know will listen to you. |
Anonymous
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That's a beautiful poem.
I also lost a child, and I liked a lot about that article. There was one thing that didn't resonate and it was the advice to say this: “Say: ‘I totally understand if you don’t feel up to attending. I’m not sure I could attend if I was in your shoes. But we just want to let you know how important you are to us and we totally understand, whatever you decide,’” I absolutely agree that grieving parents should be invited, and also be given grace if they don't come. But, at least in my house we had one parent who was absolutely flattened by grief (my DH) and another (me) who managed, for the most part, to get up and put my pants on, and sort of kind of approximate putting one foot in front of the other, because I had two other kids who desperately needed me to make them dinner, and get them out of the house. This seemed to lead many people to conclude that my DH loved my son more. So, on top of all the guilt I was already feeling, about my kid suffering and dying, and the guilt I was feeling because all I could manage to feed my kids was pbj, I was also made to feel like making that pbj was an act of disloyalty. I know that no one would intend that sentence to mean "I wouldn't be able to do X if I was you", but I would have heard it that way. I'd say "We'd love to have you there, but we absolutely understand if you don't make it." and leave speculating about what you'd do out of it. |
Anonymous
 ❤️
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Anonymous
| I am so sorry for those of you who have lost children. I wish could hug you or something, anything. |