Jen Hatmaker

[Anonymous]

THANK YOU to the poet who wrote that amaaazing song! Loved
the entire thing---ESPECIALLY all of Tyler's tributes
to Betty White and many other elderly white actresses.


And....Jane Capstitcherrrr !!!! THANK YOU for making
me laugh---I have missed your amazing
writing!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I'm pretty skeptical that it actually happened this way, because 1- Jen previously mentioned that she "couldn't unsee what she saw" and either talked about or alluded to the idea that she walked in on them together and, 2- how incredibly STUPID do you have to be to voice text your girlfriend while lying next to your wife?! and 3- isn't that an exact line from Brokeback Mountain?

Yes! She has said that she could never un- see what she saw.
According to Google, “I can’t quit you” are also the lyrics to a song by Led Zeppelin. It may be that he was quoting song lyrics to his girlfriend, but I am highly skeptical that he was doing it while he was in bed with his wife, unless he wanted her to find out.
Also, even if that is true, and even if she was 100% the innocent victim of an affair, why is it necessary for her to put all of that information out there? He is the father of her children, and she has always said that he was a great dad, so why isn’t necessary for her to disparage him publicly like that? I mean, FAFO, and there are consequences for his behavior, but if she was really classy, maybe she could just not share those details. But of course, she has never been one to be discreet when it comes to exploiting other people‘s stories for her own content.
And isn’t she the one who is so intensely private, so introverted, holding everything so so close? I call BS.

[Anonymous]

Another woman's account of what it was like to have her husband cheat on her is hardly the stuff riveting reads are made of. I think the only reason her corneaters are interested in this at all is because she was so vague in the beginning about the reason for the divorce in the first place. She had every right to keep that private but the way she's dangled little carrots over the past few years has got her core group of fan girls - or maybe just the curious - interested in the tea, which will help her sell her books.

There will be a chapter on how she found Tyler and we can only hope, for those who spend their money on this manifesto, that it doesn't go too far down the road of explicit intimacy because ew. Picturing that dude nekid makes me want to be a nun.

There will be some sort of syrupy ode to her besties and how she has the best friends, blah blah blah.

There will be a chapter on church hurt and deconstrcution that will delicately skirt around the issue of her relationship with her pastor dad because we're not supposed to go "Well, hey wait a minute." The takeaways will be that Jesus would have gone to a pride parade and the Bible is whatever you want it to be.

There will be a chapter on body image and some vague refercing to some unnamed villain in her past that told her that her thighs were too chubby and how we all just need to lay off the wine and eat a few more salads and take walks and we will also be skinny. I will be shocked if she mentions weight loss injections or her bargain bin tummy tuck that is fairly obvious. There will be several pages on how she sat at the right hand of Oprah.

There will be evidence of how her book is received by the masses, AKA tightly cropped videos of her hugging crying liberal women at Book People that suggests there were crowds upon crowds lined up to read her latest.

If she's lucky, there will be a post on Tyler's social media written by their mutual publicist, extolling the virtues of Jen's book. He will not acknowledge the OTT dedication that mentions his name.

She is so, so predictable.

This is all the height of narcissim and she actually reminds me of Julia Haart from My Unorthodox Life.

[Anonymous]

I am sure Brandon and the kids are thoroughly excited about this new book. For better or worse they've all moved on from 2020 with Brandon starting a new life with a new partner. I am sure he wants to be reminded of a particular sad and regretful period of his life so his ex can sell some books. I am sure his kids are really excited too.

[Anonymous]

My dear friend is going on a reconnaissance mission to the Austin stop on her tour. Not to buy a book but just to see how many people were there and to listen in and eavesdrop on what really happens, not Jen’s convoluted BS on how great it was.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am sure Brandon and the kids are thoroughly excited about this new book. For better or worse they've all moved on from 2020 with Brandon starting a new life with a new partner. I am sure he wants to be reminded of a particular sad and regretful period of his life so his ex can sell some books. I am sure his kids are really excited too.

She will never move on if it means making her money. No matter who gets hurt. The truth is they had both been miserable for 3-4 years prior to Brando getting busted. In fact, they both admitted on a podcast that they had not been intimate for years. She is selfish, desperate and delusional.
Her kids will stand by her and more than likely distance themselves from Brando once this is released. Shame on her. And how incredibly embarrassing for his spouse.

[Anonymous]

The way Sis is framing this is very interesting.

Brandon’s public confession made it sound like this was a one time mistake made in the heat of the moment. Jen’s chapter specifically calls the woman his “girlfriend” and he said “I just can’t quit you”…..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am sure Brandon and the kids are thoroughly excited about this new book. For better or worse they've all moved on from 2020 with Brandon starting a new life with a new partner. I am sure he wants to be reminded of a particular sad and regretful period of his life so his ex can sell some books. I am sure his kids are really excited too.

She will never move on if it means making her money. No matter who gets hurt. The truth is they had both been miserable for 3-4 years prior to Brando getting busted. In fact, they both admitted on a podcast that they had not been intimate for years. She is selfish, desperate and delusional.
Her kids will stand by her and more than likely distance themselves from Brando once this is released. Shame on her. And how incredibly embarrassing for his spouse.

I’m pretty sure they all already know the reason and what Brandon did but seem to have moved on and have a good relationship with him and his current wife. Even so, can’t imagine doing an all reveal and the kids now have to live with it knowing and possibly personal things how they handled it in the book. Jen is nothing if not selfish.

[Anonymous]

They had both been checked out for 3-4 years, yet she posted not too long before the implosion how in love they were and even in like for thousands of days. I don’t believe much of what she blabs on about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They had both been checked out for 3-4 years, yet she posted not too long before the implosion how in love they were and even in like for thousands of days. I don’t believe much of what she blabs on about.

Texas Barbie just called out one of Jen’s minions on Brando’s instagram post. Evidently they went to Mexico. Looks like they are with friends.

[Anonymous]

Texas Barbie just called out one of Jen’s minions on Brando’s instagram post. Evidently they went to Mexico. Looks like they are with friends.


Thanks for the info, but I can't find it. What did the Jen minion say? What did Barbie say?
Oop, maybe it's deleted?

[Anonymous]

oop---found it! Someone (I guess, a Jen-minion?) posted something rude to Texas Barbie (which is now deleted), and Barbie
wrote back something like "Do better! I came along much later" ....yikes!

[Anonymous]

so I can escape my roomates and the Texas heat because I dislike the feeling of sweat as it escapes from my hairline, traveling down my back and finding refuge in the waistband of my briefs. @THETREVORBARRETPROJECT - who is still totally my boyfriend - just ADORES sensible women's underpants. Er...he loves ME in sensible women's underpants, is what I meant to say.

Jane....Jane! You brilliant, beautifully pedantic, articulate, witty, incomparable writer! I would seriously buy ANY book you wrote!
Please do tell----do you write about any other "influencers?" and/or other annoying people?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:🎶 “Big Sis at MeCamp”

(Subtitle: “Fake Love & Flannel Lies”)

[Verse 1]
Well Jen once had a book on the bestseller chart,
Wrote memoirs ’bout healing and breaking apart.
Had lunch with Reese and cried on The View,
Now she’s sellin’ face mist and trauma tattoos.

Got dumped by her husband, blamed Mercury in retro,
Now she’s filterin’ grief through a Target halo.
“Authentic,” she says, with a voice like glass,
While taggin’ brands mid-cry in a ring-lit bath.

[Chorus]
She’s Big Sis at MeCamp, stompin’ like a beast,
Scarin’ coastal locals from the food co-op feast.
Screamin’ “Where the gays at?” on a foggy bay,
But the gays said, “Nah girl,” and shuffled away.
Her man’s Big Sass, cryin’ in his scarf,
Mournin’ Betty White like she was Joan of Arc.
It’s a lavender mess, it’s confusing at best,
But they hashtag it “Love” like it passes the test.

[Verse 2]
Tyler’s all show tunes and tears on demand,
Still writes tributes to Bea Arthur by hand.
Closeted but “vibrant,” with jazz hands of grief,
He sobs to Designing Women like it’s gospel belief.

Their publicist Martha had a bold little pitch:
“Why not fake-date for the algorithm switch?”
Now Jen calls him “Babe” on a glitchy live,
While he recites eulogies to Murphy Brown’s vibe.

[Chorus]
Yeah it’s Big Sis at MeCamp, lookin’ unhinged,
Yellin’ “gay ally” while the rainbow fringe cringed.
She’s stompin’ through tide pools in rhinestone jeans,
Handin’ out moon water to confused teens.
Tyler’s back home with a candle and lace,
Still whisperin’ “Queen” to Betty’s face.
They ain’t in love, but the optics are rich,
Their couple name trends right before it glitches.

[Bridge – Spoken Word Over Banjo Pluckin’]
“Hi guys, it’s Jen, day 14 of my MeCamp cleanse…
I met a tree who reminded me of my ex…
Anyway—use code ‘HEALING20’ for discounts on healing.”

Meanwhile Tyler’s in a bubble bath like,
“In loving memory of Estelle Getty…”

[Breakdown – Slow & Dramatic]
She’s manifestin’ love in a small-town thrift,
He’s cryin’ at reruns, wrapped in a cashmere gift.
They tried to fool the world with lavender light,
But one’s chasin’ clout, the other mourns Golden Girls at night.


[Final Chorus]
So here’s to Big Sis, stompin’ like a mule,
Turnin’ every hot tub into a content pool.
And Big Sass, sobbin’ over Blanche Devereaux,
Callin’ it a soft launch, but we all know.
They ain’t foolin’ the gays, they ain’t foolin’ the town,
But they sure do look cute breakin’ all the way down.

[Outro – Gentle Guitar Fade]
If you see a ring light near a vegan café,
It’s just Big Sis tryna flirt the gay away.
And if you hear sobs from a mid-century chair,
That’s Big Sass, sayin’ “Rest, queen,” into the air.


🎶 It’s fake love, filtered bright…
🎶 But damn if it don’t stream just right. 🎤💔📱

OMG!!! Absolute BRILLIANCE !!!!
I am crying laughing and choking on my beverage---THANK YOUUUU!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Texas Barbie just called out one of Jen’s minions on Brando’s instagram post. Evidently they went to Mexico. Looks like they are with friends.


Thanks for the info, but I can't find it. What did the Jen minion say? What did Barbie say?
Oop, maybe it's deleted?

I cannot find it either but my aunt saw it yesterday. She said it was on Brandon’s instagram post about the Mexico trip they are on. Something along the lines of the minion saying “you felt loved and grateful from a woman who broke up his marriage” and Texas Barbie replied something like “check your facts”. I guess because she is not the women he cheated with. My aunt said more was said but cannot remember the details.