Adult son, unemployed

[Anonymous]

Wwyd if this were your adult son? Unemployed throughout many years, just sits around and does nothing all day. Mostly lives off his wife but also borrows money from his younger brother. I don’t know what to do, I am older and cannot support them financially.

[Anonymous]

Is he a SAHP?

[Anonymous]

He is an adult and so is his wife, they should be able to figure it out. His brother also can say no to handouts and loans if he wants to. You don't need to worry. Just tell him you wish he becomes independent for his sake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is he a SAHP?

Is he doing house chores and childcare?

[Anonymous]

He's grown. It's his wife's problem now.

[Anonymous]

Was he a spoiled rotten kid? What was his first job? At what age?

[Anonymous]

How old is he, and what did he do? College educated?

My nephew has some SN that isn't obvious until you get to talk to him. He graduated college but had a really hard time finding FT employment, in part, IMO, because he does not interview well. He lives with his mom, my sister. She was also not happy about the situation, but she has also been in denial about his SN. I could tell he had some speech issues since he was 4 or 5. I also think he might be mildly autistic. He has a hard time making eye contact and blinks a lot.

I think he finally got a low paying job at around 28 or so fixing computers. That helped him get another better paying job working with computers.

He's now 32, still living with his mom, and trying to pay off his student loans. But, he's getting there.

GL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wwyd if this were your adult son? Unemployed throughout many years, just sits around and does nothing all day. Mostly lives off his wife but also borrows money from his younger brother. I don’t know what to do, I am older and cannot support them financially.

Imagine if this was his wife and not him who was unemployed would you be this sympathetic? Your son is an adult he needs to grow up. I feel awful for his poor wife

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is an adult and so is his wife, they should be able to figure it out. His brother also can say no to handouts and loans if he wants to. You don't need to worry. Just tell him you wish he becomes independent for his sake.

And his wife. His wife is negatively impacted as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He's grown. It's his wife's problem now.

Help him (and her) and show him some tough love and expectations. Otherwise they may not make it and divorce
Don’t be like my husbands family and bury your head in the sand through his failures and then affair and then divorce.
Family needs to get involved and not ignore

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's grown. It's his wife's problem now.

Help him (and her) and show him some tough love and expectations. Otherwise they may not make it and divorce
Don’t be like my husbands family and bury your head in the sand through his failures and then affair and then divorce.
Family needs to get involved and not ignore

He's an adult. What on earth do you want his mother to do? What do you mean by "get involved"? What do you mean by "show him some tough love and expectations"? As a practical matter -- what exactly should OP do?

[Anonymous]

Did he ever work some low paying job? How old is he?
There is so much work out there. He just doesn't want to work. You cannot fix that for him.
What's different about him? What's the need?

[Anonymous]

Be thankful he has a wife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be thankful he has a wife.

Why do women have to take care of these guys?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:He's grown. It's his wife's problem now.

Help him (and her) and show him some tough love and expectations. Otherwise they may not make it and divorce
Don’t be like my husbands family and bury your head in the sand through his failures and then affair and then divorce.
Family needs to get involved and not ignore

He's an adult. What on earth do you want his mother to do? What do you mean by "get involved"? What do you mean by "show him some tough love and expectations"? As a practical matter -- what exactly should OP do?

Same as parents/elders did a couple generations ago. Call him/see him and say Son, it’s time to get a job, no more excuses, be a man and be responsible for your family.