Girlfriend Being Needy
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Anonymous
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I’d like some feedback on a problem I’m having with my girlfriend of 9 months. In general she’s great, but I find her a little needy.
We see each other every weekend. And usually 1-2 week nights. We text good morning and FaceTime before bed. All of this makes her happy. Sometimes I might miss a before bed call or not text good morning. Yesterday I texted her good morning but then did reach out the rest of the day. This morning she’s all bent out of shape. Is she being needy? Or am I being a crap boyfriend? |
Anonymous
| Has she been betrayed in a former relationship? |
Anonymous
| Yes, we both have. |
Anonymous
Yeah that's the first place my mind went as someone divorced due to infidelity. Even with lots of therapy the betrayal trauma is so hard to not bring into future relationships. Can you address it openly and head-on? Something like it seems like your expectation is that we talk every morning and night. I'm feeling constrained by that because it doesn't feel as important to me to check in at those specific times and if I'm busy, I don't want to unintentionally make you feel bad or nervous. Do you feel like this is anxiety leftover from xyz? Can we make a plan together that feels right foe both of us? |
Anonymous
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Maybe you’re not giving enough and she feels a little starved but you want to be careful where you set the bar, if you are checking in five times a day she may come to expect it and anything less is abandonment or it will lead to some mild disrespect because you’re acting like a puppy.
I think a conversation is your best bet, I’d explain that you want to be the one that makes her feel loved and secure but some guidance for delivering on that would be much appreciated. During that conversation you can also lay out what you expect and what would make you happy. |
Anonymous
| If you consider more than one text a day "needy" the problem may be your standards, not hers. |
Anonymous
I don’t consider a text a day needy. It’s that I typically talk to her every day. If I get busy or tired and skip a call, I don’t think that should be the end of the world. We should have trust at this point. |
Anonymous
"We should..." according to whom? Your expectations may not be her standards. Also, there's a fair bit of contempt in "she’s all bent out of shape" that you may want to address. She's upset. If you don't care that she's upset, that's its own problem. |
Anonymous
| The fact that this is too much for you and you're uncomfortable with it and find her too needy is good enough. I'd dump her. A relationship shouldn't be this hard. |
Anonymous
This |
Anonymous
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I agree. She is making you jump through hoops to suit her trauma. She is not considerate of you. I think a discussion will just lead to drama and you conceding more and resenting more.
Tell her you both aren't on the same page. |
Anonymous
Really? Talking daily is jumping through hoops? If you don’t want to talk to someone everyday why be in a relationship? |
Anonymous
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9 months is still supposed to be the honeymoon phase, no? Shouldn't you WANT to talk to her more? Shouldn't you WANT to share what's happening in your life with her?
If 2 texts a day is too taxing, it doesn't seem like you're that into her. |
Anonymous
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Why can't you just give her what she wants?
Do you come across things during the day that you think she would like to hear about? Memes she'd enjoy? Send them to her, it's that easy.... |
Anonymous
Yes, it's not that hard. He's not that into her. |