Disinvite ds friend?

[Anonymous]

Making this as short as I can:

DS is an 8th grader and has a group of friends who are coming to our place for Halloween. We live in a rural area that is not very diverse and one of the boys in the group is Asian. I am also Asian. This boy in general causes a lot of issues in the group. He’s been banned from another friends house for something he did (unknown to us) and he recently threatened to hurt himself over a video game, then ghosted the group via discord while everyone was freaking out only to come back and pretend like nothing happened.

This boy often makes racial comments using slurs that bothers DS. Yesterday he made a comment in discord involving a racial slur against Asians. DS told him not to say that and he responded aggressively. I’d like to disinvite this boy. The friend group is smallish but I really don’t tolerate racial slurs and this was sort of the last straw for me. What would you do?

[Anonymous]

I’d let the boys handle it.

[Anonymous]

I thought people in the community can say what they want. You’re Asian, he is Asian, what’s the problem?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I thought people in the community can say what they want. You’re Asian, he is Asian, what’s the problem?

It’s a racial slur and should not be used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d let the boys handle it.

This. I don’t understand why you are getting involved.

[Anonymous]

Your son complains about what his friends say in discord? I had a mom complain to me that my son called her kid stupid. Turned out her kid called my kid a fat loser after i asked him what was going on. Blocked her and her kid. Luckily they changed schools due to her son’s social problems. And my son did not apologize to her kid like she demanded after the truth emerged. What is your son saying in these conversations? Be sure you have the full story.

[Anonymous]

OP, what does your kid think/want? Would they appreciate you being the "heavy" and the reason the kid can't come? Does he want to deal with it himself? I'd suggest letting him take the lead.

[Anonymous]

Your son needs to disinvite him. "Hey you can't use slurs like that and think you'd still be welcome at my home. You're uninvited. Don't show up - we won't let you inside."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son complains about what his friends say in discord? I had a mom complain to me that my son called her kid stupid. Turned out her kid called my kid a fat loser after i asked him what was going on. Blocked her and her kid. Luckily they changed schools due to her son’s social problems. And my son did not apologize to her kid like she demanded after the truth emerged. What is your son saying in these conversations? Be sure you have the full story.

My son shows me the discord chat. This boy often acts out aggressively out of frustration re video games. My son does not have the games they play, he’s just part of the chat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does your kid think/want? Would they appreciate you being the "heavy" and the reason the kid can't come? Does he want to deal with it himself? I'd suggest letting him take the lead.

My son wonders why this boy is part of the friend group since he is so volatile.

[Anonymous]

Let them handle it on their own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son needs to disinvite him. "Hey you can't use slurs like that and think you'd still be welcome at my home. You're uninvited. Don't show up - we won't let you inside."

He told him last night not to use those kind of slurs and the boy got mad but deleted the comment. Maybe this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your son complains about what his friends say in discord? I had a mom complain to me that my son called her kid stupid. Turned out her kid called my kid a fat loser after i asked him what was going on. Blocked her and her kid. Luckily they changed schools due to her son’s social problems. And my son did not apologize to her kid like she demanded after the truth emerged. What is your son saying in these conversations? Be sure you have the full story.

My son shows me the discord chat. This boy often acts out aggressively out of frustration re video games. My son does not have the games they play, he’s just part of the chat.

But what does that mean? Acts out aggressively?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, what does your kid think/want? Would they appreciate you being the "heavy" and the reason the kid can't come? Does he want to deal with it himself? I'd suggest letting him take the lead.

My son wonders why this boy is part of the friend group since he is so volatile.

The other friends like him and/or don’t mind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your son needs to disinvite him. "Hey you can't use slurs like that and think you'd still be welcome at my home. You're uninvited. Don't show up - we won't let you inside."

Seems like a lot to ask of a middle school kid.