I really, REALLY dislike my 2 year old

[Anonymous]

I feel so bad admitting this out loud, but I secretly don't like my 2 year old.

My older kid has always been great. Super easy, sweet, fun kids.

DD2 has been a constant pain since she was born. Always fussy, always throwing a fit. I tried taking the kids out to dinner last night and DD2 threw nonstop tantrums, ran around the restaurant, climbed the booth, tried to knock a lamp over screamed some more, screamed the whole way there and back home. I'd grab her and sit her back down and sternly tell her to behave, and she'd just scream more. So we packed our food up and left.

She screamed all last night putting her to bed, screamed all night long that her blanket wasn't right, her pillow wasn't right. Kicks the blanket off and screams that it's off.

Even our nanny had a day where she had to leave because she couldn't take the screaming and tantrums anymore.

DD8 resents her because we basically can't go do anything fun anymore and the tantrums keep her up at night (every night bedtime is a battle). I've turned into the horrible mom who yells at her kids - in the car yesterday I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to please just stop for once.

My sister was like this as a kid and nobody liked her as a result. Even as an adult she continued to act this way and throw tantrums. I feel so trapped that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

The only medical thing is schizophrenia runs in H's side of the family, and I don't know if this is the beginning of that or what. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with a kid who has schizophrenia plus screams all the time.

[Anonymous]

How funny. I've come to understand I don't like my 22 year-old very much. I love her, but I don't particularly like her.

[Anonymous]

Has she been tested for allergies?

[Anonymous]

Your two year old does not have schizophrenia, but it sounds like something is going on. Talk to her pediatrician. Call early intervention to get her assessed. You should also consider parenting training, because it sounds like she needs something very different from your older daughter. PCIT therapy might be appropriate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad admitting this out loud, but I secretly don't like my 2 year old.

My older kid has always been great. Super easy, sweet, fun kids.

DD2 has been a constant pain since she was born. Always fussy, always throwing a fit. I tried taking the kids out to dinner last night and DD2 threw nonstop tantrums, ran around the restaurant, climbed the booth, tried to knock a lamp over screamed some more, screamed the whole way there and back home. I'd grab her and sit her back down and sternly tell her to behave, and she'd just scream more. So we packed our food up and left.

She screamed all last night putting her to bed, screamed all night long that her blanket wasn't right, her pillow wasn't right. Kicks the blanket off and screams that it's off.

Even our nanny had a day where she had to leave because she couldn't take the screaming and tantrums anymore.

DD8 resents her because we basically can't go do anything fun anymore and the tantrums keep her up at night (every night bedtime is a battle). I've turned into the horrible mom who yells at her kids - in the car yesterday I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to please just stop for once.

My sister was like this as a kid and nobody liked her as a result. Even as an adult she continued to act this way and throw tantrums. I feel so trapped that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

The only medical thing is schizophrenia runs in H's side of the family, and I don't know if this is the beginning of that or what. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with a kid who has schizophrenia plus screams all the time.

Is she hitting all her milestones? Talking? Doing all the two-year old things the pediatrician says she should be doing? Have you talked to the pediatrician about any of this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad admitting this out loud, but I secretly don't like my 2 year old.

My older kid has always been great. Super easy, sweet, fun kids.

DD2 has been a constant pain since she was born. Always fussy, always throwing a fit. I tried taking the kids out to dinner last night and DD2 threw nonstop tantrums, ran around the restaurant, climbed the booth, tried to knock a lamp over screamed some more, screamed the whole way there and back home. I'd grab her and sit her back down and sternly tell her to behave, and she'd just scream more. So we packed our food up and left.

She screamed all last night putting her to bed, screamed all night long that her blanket wasn't right, her pillow wasn't right. Kicks the blanket off and screams that it's off.

Even our nanny had a day where she had to leave because she couldn't take the screaming and tantrums anymore.

DD8 resents her because we basically can't go do anything fun anymore and the tantrums keep her up at night (every night bedtime is a battle). I've turned into the horrible mom who yells at her kids - in the car yesterday I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to please just stop for once.

My sister was like this as a kid and nobody liked her as a result. Even as an adult she continued to act this way and throw tantrums. I feel so trapped that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

The only medical thing is schizophrenia runs in H's side of the family, and I don't know if this is the beginning of that or what. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with a kid who has schizophrenia plus screams all the time.

Is she hitting all her milestones? Talking? Doing all the two-year old things the pediatrician says she should be doing? Have you talked to the pediatrician about any of this?

Yes, she hits all her milestones and is ahead on many. She's an insanely smart kid. She figured out how to unlock and open the front door because she randomly decides she wants to leave the house. Crazy good talker, too.

[Anonymous]

Could be early signs of ADHD but it’s far too early to tell. The impulse control issues, lack of emotional regulation and eloping are of concern. You could request a child find study.

[Anonymous]

My pediatrician recommended the book, The Explosive Child, for similar behaviors in my DC. But 2 is a bit young to apply some of the strategies in the book.

[Anonymous]

Work on the sleep. She may need a lot more than standards online. Start with an earlier bedtime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad admitting this out loud, but I secretly don't like my 2 year old.

My older kid has always been great. Super easy, sweet, fun kids.

DD2 has been a constant pain since she was born. Always fussy, always throwing a fit. I tried taking the kids out to dinner last night and DD2 threw nonstop tantrums, ran around the restaurant, climbed the booth, tried to knock a lamp over screamed some more, screamed the whole way there and back home. I'd grab her and sit her back down and sternly tell her to behave, and she'd just scream more. So we packed our food up and left.

She screamed all last night putting her to bed, screamed all night long that her blanket wasn't right, her pillow wasn't right. Kicks the blanket off and screams that it's off.

Even our nanny had a day where she had to leave because she couldn't take the screaming and tantrums anymore.

DD8 resents her because we basically can't go do anything fun anymore and the tantrums keep her up at night (every night bedtime is a battle). I've turned into the horrible mom who yells at her kids - in the car yesterday I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to please just stop for once.

My sister was like this as a kid and nobody liked her as a result. Even as an adult she continued to act this way and throw tantrums. I feel so trapped that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

The only medical thing is schizophrenia runs in H's side of the family, and I don't know if this is the beginning of that or what. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with a kid who has schizophrenia plus screams all the time.

Is she hitting all her milestones? Talking? Doing all the two-year old things the pediatrician says she should be doing? Have you talked to the pediatrician about any of this?

Yes, she hits all her milestones and is ahead on many. She's an insanely smart kid. She figured out how to unlock and open the front door because she randomly decides she wants to leave the house. Crazy good talker, too.

Some kids are just a lot - especially if they are smart and 2. When cognition starts to outpace emotional development and regulation, hoo boy. It can get wild. And if you're first was easy breezy, it makes it worse. She needs a different approach. You need some help! Talk to your pediatrician about good parent trainers or behavior specialists who can work with you. Because at this point, it's you that will need to do all the work.

[Anonymous]

Agree on sleep… and it’s also possibly angst because she’s so smart she has a lot to communicate but unable to speak a lot of words. Once her language catches up to her brain activity, it may improve. She’s also probably pretty creative and has an active mind.

We had a lot of this with my child. Admittedly not as extreme. But once communication was easier for her, everything else fell into place.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to tell from your post if this child is acting in an age appropriate way but your oldest was especially easy or if this child is more difficult than other 2 year olds. Start with your pediatrician, but if you don't feel like they are taking your concerns seriously, you can self refer to early intervention and/or pay for a private developmental evaluation. The wait for developmental pediatricians can be long, so get on the waiting list now and you can cancel if you decide you don't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel so bad admitting this out loud, but I secretly don't like my 2 year old.

My older kid has always been great. Super easy, sweet, fun kids.

DD2 has been a constant pain since she was born. Always fussy, always throwing a fit. I tried taking the kids out to dinner last night and DD2 threw nonstop tantrums, ran around the restaurant, climbed the booth, tried to knock a lamp over screamed some more, screamed the whole way there and back home. I'd grab her and sit her back down and sternly tell her to behave, and she'd just scream more. So we packed our food up and left.

She screamed all last night putting her to bed, screamed all night long that her blanket wasn't right, her pillow wasn't right. Kicks the blanket off and screams that it's off.

Even our nanny had a day where she had to leave because she couldn't take the screaming and tantrums anymore.

DD8 resents her because we basically can't go do anything fun anymore and the tantrums keep her up at night (every night bedtime is a battle). I've turned into the horrible mom who yells at her kids - in the car yesterday I screamed at the top of my lungs for her to please just stop for once.

My sister was like this as a kid and nobody liked her as a result. Even as an adult she continued to act this way and throw tantrums. I feel so trapped that I'll have to deal with this the rest of my life.

The only medical thing is schizophrenia runs in H's side of the family, and I don't know if this is the beginning of that or what. I really don't know how I'm going to deal with a kid who has schizophrenia plus screams all the time.

Is she hitting all her milestones? Talking? Doing all the two-year old things the pediatrician says she should be doing? Have you talked to the pediatrician about any of this?

Yes, she hits all her milestones and is ahead on many. She's an insanely smart kid. She figured out how to unlock and open the front door because she randomly decides she wants to leave the house. Crazy good talker, too.

Some kids are just a lot - especially if they are smart and 2. When cognition starts to outpace emotional development and regulation, hoo boy. It can get wild. And if you're first was easy breezy, it makes it worse. She needs a different approach. You need some help! Talk to your pediatrician about good parent trainers or behavior specialists who can work with you. Because at this point, it's you that will need to do all the work.

+1. The only way to change a child’s behavior is to change the behavior of the caregivers. This includes the nanny. Screaming at her (you) or getting so overwhelmed you have to leave (nanny) are not good.

Also be very mindful of your framing that your first child is great and your second child ruined everything. Your post is dripping of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's hard to tell from your post if this child is acting in an age appropriate way but your oldest was especially easy or if this child is more difficult than other 2 year olds. Start with your pediatrician, but if you don't feel like they are taking your concerns seriously, you can self refer to early intervention and/or pay for a private developmental evaluation. The wait for developmental pediatricians can be long, so get on the waiting list now and you can cancel if you decide you don't want it.

I read it this way too. You also have a large age gap so you are pretty far removed from the Two’s. I would expect to go to a sit down restaurant and have a pleasant experience with any two year old.

[Anonymous]

^NOT expect to have a pleasant experience.

(When my kids were small we took several years off from eating out. Takeout only when we didn’t cook.)