WHat do you do when BOTH parents are narcissists
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Anonymous
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I have been estranged from my father for more than 25 years now. He was an alcoholic who had numerous extramarital affairs, gambling/spending issues, classic narcissist. I went no contact.
While to a less obvious degree, I am no realizing my mother is quite the narcissist herself and it is affecting my parenting with my own kids. She cuts me off because I refused to send money to her. Bad mouthed me to my friends (whom she is "friends" with on facebook) and even threatened to call employer. It is so much harder to go no contact because then I am for all intents an "orphan". Anyone else on a similar scenario? |
Anonymous
| IDK but I just asked Jeff to start a ”Narc” forum since DCUM has such a remarkable number of people who believe their families suffer from this relatively rare condition. |
Anonymous
| I highly recommend the website Out of the Fog. It’s a resource for those who are or have been in relationship with personality disordered individuals. There is a forum on the site that was better for me than any individual therapy I have ever had. It’s also very well moderated, so it’s a safe and comfortable place with a really positive culture. Anyway, there are discussion boards that address dealing with aging parents, setting reasonable boundaries when you want to maintain relationships, and going no contact. There are also a lot of non-discussion board self-help resources. |
Anonymous
| no contact |
Anonymous
| Diagnosed or are you an armchair psychiatrist who spends a lot of time on Nparents forums on reddit? |
Anonymous
| How will going no contact solve the problems you listed (cut you off, bad-mouthed friends, threatened to call employer)? Can you go low contact and have a superficial relationship with her instead? If she asks for money, tell a story about how broke you are. Just keep it light and superficial and hopefully keep your friends and social media out of it (maybe even use this as an excuse to get off facebook so you don't have to stress about that aspect of your relationship). |
Anonymous
Rare? lol, my family members would never get diagnosed. What’s in it for them. Stay out of it if you don’t know what you are talking about. |
Anonymous
Right, but you can diagnose them! What’s your credential? |
Anonymous
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My mother actually did call my employer.
Best decision I made regarding her was NC. |
Anonymous
The DSM isn’t all that hard for lay people to read… DP |
Anonymous
Narcissism isn't a rare condition. It is a personality disorder. |
Anonymous
So … you think “personality disorder” and “rare condition” are mutually exclusive? |
Anonymous
“True pathological narcissism has always been rare and remains so: It affects an estimated 1 percent of the population, and that prevalence hasn't changed demonstrably since clinicians started measuring it. Most (but not all) putative narcissists today are innocent victims of an overused label.” https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/201609/meet-the-real-narcissists-theyre-not-what-you-think |
Anonymous
| Narcissism is a partially inheritable trait, so parents with slight amounts may produce children with a full-blown case. |
Anonymous
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True narcissism is rare.
Self centered / selfish people are not as rate. |