Anyone feel like they just can’t win with men?

[Anonymous]

H kept complaining that I couldn’t talk about the things he’s interested in (art, literature, cinema) because I’m so busy with kids and work I don’t have the time to spend learning about these things for hours.

I ended up teaching myself these things so we could talk about them, and actually became pretty knowledgeable about them. But now he’s mad because often my opinions differ from his. We went out to dinner for date night tonight, and when my opinion on a movie differed from his, he got mad.

I feel like I can’t win. Either I’m too stupid and he resents me, or I’m too smart and he resents me.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a men problem it’s a your husband and probably you problem.

[Anonymous]

Looks like your husband just wanted to complain and feel superior.

[Anonymous]

What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

Me again. The ironic thing is that the things we argue most about are on topics where I'm the expert, not him. I don't fight him on his areas of expertise, I defer to his superior knowledge. But mine? He will still try to win. I'm offended!

[Anonymous]

It’s not about winning or losing, it’s about knowing what’s really important and finding a way to agree or compromise. On small stuff it’s easy to know who knows more and you just go with it. Even if you don’t agree it’s not worth getting upset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

He’s said “yea you’re right, I’m trying to get better about it” when I’ve pointed it out.

I’m just sort of bitter about the whole thing because for so long he made it seem like he settled for me because I couldn’t have these discussions, and I genuinely thought he was so much smarter than me. Now that I’ve had the time to learn these things, I see he’s actually not that smart. Anyone can learn these things and repeat them back in a conversation.

Which doesn’t make me love him any less. I still love him and think he’s incredible. I’m just bitter because I thought learning these things would make him hold me in higher esteem, and instead it just makes him mad.

[Anonymous]

My DH has become worse about this as he’s been getting older.

I think that as he becomes the older person at work and the opportunities to get promoted become fewer and more competitive, he doesn’t get the ego boost he used to get as a younger employee in his org. When we’ve been talking about things that someone can have a subjective opinion about, he gets really argumentative, and now he’s started arguing about factual stuff, too. He made it pretty clear to me what was going on when he stormed out over a conversation about what year a movie came out and said “I don’t need this here”, with the clear implication that he’s tired of being wrong or showed up at work, so he wants to be fawned over at home.

A bunch of big babies is what we have on our hands. My DD is in 3rd grade and if I’m at school at pickup, her male classmates sound exactly the same as my DH- argumentative, blowhard-y, and whiney all at once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Looks like your husband just wanted to complain and feel superior.

Yes. It sounds like OP married a woman.

[Anonymous]

I think he doesn't like you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:H kept complaining that I couldn’t talk about the things he’s interested in (art, literature, cinema) because I’m so busy with kids and work I don’t have the time to spend learning about these things for hours.

I ended up teaching myself these things so we could talk about them, and actually became pretty knowledgeable about them. But now he’s mad because often my opinions differ from his. We went out to dinner for date night tonight, and when my opinion on a movie differed from his, he got mad.

I feel like I can’t win. Either I’m too stupid and he resents me, or I’m too smart and he resents me.

You became pretty knowledgeable about art, cinema and literature simultaneously? Over what time frame?Your husband sounds like a jerk, but you might also be overestimating your knowledge level.

[Anonymous]

What’s the movie and what did you think? We can be the judge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he say when you point this out to him?

I have a similar husband problem: all he wants to hear is agreement with his views. He denies this, of course. He has a high IQ and is often right... and I think this has played into his inflated sense of self. He just cannot accept when he's objectively wrong. And when it's merely a question of opinion, he still wants to somehow "win".

He's gotten worse with age and frankly it makes him unlikeable these days.

Me again. The ironic thing is that the things we argue most about are on topics where I'm the expert, not him. I don't fight him on his areas of expertise, I defer to his superior knowledge. But mine? He will still try to win. I'm offended!

He doesn't respect you.

[Anonymous]

Your husband is on the spectrum?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DH has become worse about this as he’s been getting older.

I think that as he becomes the older person at work and the opportunities to get promoted become fewer and more competitive, he doesn’t get the ego boost he used to get as a younger employee in his org. When we’ve been talking about things that someone can have a subjective opinion about, he gets really argumentative, and now he’s started arguing about factual stuff, too. He made it pretty clear to me what was going on when he stormed out over a conversation about what year a movie came out and said “I don’t need this here”, with the clear implication that he’s tired of being wrong or showed up at work, so he wants to be fawned over at home.

A bunch of big babies is what we have on our hands. My DD is in 3rd grade and if I’m at school at pickup, her male classmates sound exactly the same as my DH- argumentative, blowhard-y, and whiney all at once.

Their mommies don't correct them. "Boys will be boys" the say. It's just an excuse to raise a misogynist and carry on the status quo.