How to respond to daily reports of bad behavior from kindergarten teacher?

[Anonymous]

My kindergartener misbehaves at school. Every day at pick up, the teacher gives me a new report of something he did wrong.

What is the appropriate response here? I am documenting her reports in follow up emails. I tell her “thanks for letting me know. We will talk to Larlo about it.”

He has an IEP and a BIP. The school isn't following either one. I am documenting their this in emails to the school. I hired an advocate. I tried to get him another placement before the school year started but the district refused. I tried to get him an aide to no avail.

This is taking a huge toll on my own mental health as I get sick to my stomach anticipating pick up all day long.

How do I respond to the teacher? Is just saying “ok thanks for letting me know” an acceptable response? I don’t understand what I am supposed to do. My child is medicated and receiving lots of therapy. I told them this was not going to go well. I hate hearing these daily reports when I feel like Ive done everything I can and I’m out of ideas.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. That is so discouraging. Please know that they may be in a position to communicate and document everything. If he has an IEP, BIP, diagnosis, medication, and therapy- it sounds like everyone is doing all that they can do.

You can request an IEP addendum meeting and can request the team consider an alternate placement where he may have better supports and services and experienced, specialized staff.

[Anonymous]

You are doing the right thing with a simple acknowledgement. It doesn't need a long discussion, and pickup isn't the time to get into a whole conversation anyway.

You are doing the right thing. She is doing the right thing by providing you information. Understand that it's her job, and try to disengage from it emotionally. I know it's super hard.

[Anonymous]

I’m so sorry. She does not need to do this. It’s pretty useless and just makes you feel awful. Who is it helping?

I’d say, yes, this is an inappropriate placement for him. We are working on getting him a better one. Every time. In a nice, non-commital, sunny voice. Smile. Repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are doing the right thing with a simple acknowledgement. It doesn't need a long discussion, and pickup isn't the time to get into a whole conversation anyway.

You are doing the right thing. She is doing the right thing by providing you information. Understand that it's her job, and try to disengage from it emotionally. I know it's super hard.

Op here. Thank you. I guess I am thankful to know what is happening. I would rather be aware than in the dark. I could do without the daily updates though. But I guess a new incident happens every day so that’s why she reports it to me every day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m so sorry. She does not need to do this. It’s pretty useless and just makes you feel awful. Who is it helping?

I’d say, yes, this is an inappropriate placement for him. We are working on getting him a better one. Every time. In a nice, non-commital, sunny voice. Smile. Repeat.

Op here. Maybe I’ll try this. I feel like me and the teacher are both kinda stuck and discouraged here and neither of us is in a position to resolve the situation, at least in the short to medium term.

[Anonymous]

I'd follow up with an email to the teacher, case manager, and special ed coordinator. "Thanks so much for telling me about X on Monday and Y on Tuesday. Could you please tell me how she responded to [interventions required by BIP]? If the BIP is not currently effective, please let me know when the school can meet to discuss revisions."

[Anonymous]

When I was teaching and new, I did this and was asked by my principal to stop. I did not realize that it was demoralizing to the parent. I am glad that I was told. I would advise that you email everyone on the IEP team weekly and say that you understand that there were X instances of whatever behavior happening this week and then say what should have happened as a result according to the plans.

You should ask the teacher to email you so you can find out what you need to know when you are ready to hear or, or she can use a daily communication sheet. Explain that it is hate to hear every day, just as you have here. She is likely overwhelmed and it makes her feel better to be passing the information on, but that’s not your problem. Ask to hear good things, too. I also imagine your kid is hearing all this negative information being passed on and that’s not okay. He’s doing the best he can.

At the end of the quarter insist on an in-person meeting to go over the placement. Go up the chain of command if you get stonewalled. Principals hate for central office or school board members to get involved.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was teaching and new, I did this and was asked by my principal to stop. I did not realize that it was demoralizing to the parent. I am glad that I was told. I would advise that you email everyone on the IEP team weekly and say that you understand that there were X instances of whatever behavior happening this week and then say what should have happened as a result according to the plans.

You should ask the teacher to email you so you can find out what you need to know when you are ready to hear or, or she can use a daily communication sheet. Explain that it is hate to hear every day, just as you have here. She is likely overwhelmed and it makes her feel better to be passing the information on, but that’s not your problem. Ask to hear good things, too. I also imagine your kid is hearing all this negative information being passed on and that’s not okay. He’s doing the best he can.

At the end of the quarter insist on an in-person meeting to go over the placement. Go up the chain of command if you get stonewalled. Principals hate for central office or school board members to get involved.

I had the opposite experience teaching- I was told by my administration to document everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was teaching and new, I did this and was asked by my principal to stop. I did not realize that it was demoralizing to the parent. I am glad that I was told. I would advise that you email everyone on the IEP team weekly and say that you understand that there were X instances of whatever behavior happening this week and then say what should have happened as a result according to the plans.

You should ask the teacher to email you so you can find out what you need to know when you are ready to hear or, or she can use a daily communication sheet. Explain that it is hate to hear every day, just as you have here. She is likely overwhelmed and it makes her feel better to be passing the information on, but that’s not your problem. Ask to hear good things, too. I also imagine your kid is hearing all this negative information being passed on and that’s not okay. He’s doing the best he can.

At the end of the quarter insist on an in-person meeting to go over the placement. Go up the chain of command if you get stonewalled. Principals hate for central office or school board members to get involved.

I had the opposite experience teaching- I was told by my administration to document everything.

Telling a parent verbally at pick up isn’t documenting. The school is doing this to avoid documenting how they are failing your child.

I would tell them that you are collecting documentation for your attorney so you need them to email you instead of reporting verbally, and to include information about how the school implemented the BIP each time.

[Anonymous]

Maybe the school works according to the concept "The New Authority" developed by the Israeli psychologist Haim Omer. It's a concept to combat bad behavior and violence at school and at home. It includes comprehensive and, if necessary, regular information for parents about negative incidents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd follow up with an email to the teacher, case manager, and special ed coordinator. "Thanks so much for telling me about X on Monday and Y on Tuesday. Could you please tell me how she responded to [interventions required by BIP]? If the BIP is not currently effective, please let me know when the school can meet to discuss revisions."

Every.single.time.

I finally told the teachers “do not contact me unless it is to tell me the antecedent, behavior, and how you implemented the BIP in response.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I was teaching and new, I did this and was asked by my principal to stop. I did not realize that it was demoralizing to the parent. I am glad that I was told. I would advise that you email everyone on the IEP team weekly and say that you understand that there were X instances of whatever behavior happening this week and then say what should have happened as a result according to the plans.

You should ask the teacher to email you so you can find out what you need to know when you are ready to hear or, or she can use a daily communication sheet. Explain that it is hate to hear every day, just as you have here. She is likely overwhelmed and it makes her feel better to be passing the information on, but that’s not your problem. Ask to hear good things, too. I also imagine your kid is hearing all this negative information being passed on and that’s not okay. He’s doing the best he can.

At the end of the quarter insist on an in-person meeting to go over the placement. Go up the chain of command if you get stonewalled. Principals hate for central office or school board members to get involved.

I had the opposite experience teaching- I was told by my administration to document everything.

there’s a difference between documenting and informing the parent in an appropriate way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the school works according to the concept "The New Authority" developed by the Israeli psychologist Haim Omer. It's a concept to combat bad behavior and violence at school and at home. It includes comprehensive and, if necessary, regular information for parents about negative incidents.

lol, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was teaching and new, I did this and was asked by my principal to stop. I did not realize that it was demoralizing to the parent. I am glad that I was told. I would advise that you email everyone on the IEP team weekly and say that you understand that there were X instances of whatever behavior happening this week and then say what should have happened as a result according to the plans.

You should ask the teacher to email you so you can find out what you need to know when you are ready to hear or, or she can use a daily communication sheet. Explain that it is hate to hear every day, just as you have here. She is likely overwhelmed and it makes her feel better to be passing the information on, but that’s not your problem. Ask to hear good things, too. I also imagine your kid is hearing all this negative information being passed on and that’s not okay. He’s doing the best he can.

At the end of the quarter insist on an in-person meeting to go over the placement. Go up the chain of command if you get stonewalled. Principals hate for central office or school board members to get involved.

sounds like you had a good principal!