Best tip on parenting adult children

[Anonymous]

Now that you are done with active parenting and your kids are grown and independent, how do you convey your continued love and care for them? Only non material recommendations please. How do you parent without patronizing?

[Anonymous]

Offer advice only when asked

[Anonymous]

You’re no longer a CEO who is in charge of everything. You’re now a consultant and only offer advice and support when someone contracts you to do so. That advice may or may not be taken, and that’s okay.

You show your love by being interested in what they’re doing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re no longer a CEO who is in charge of everything. You’re now a consultant and only offer advice and support when someone contracts you to do so. That advice may or may not be taken, and that’s okay.

You show your love by being interested in what they’re doing.

Good advice.

[Anonymous]

You are the audience now, not the director.

[Anonymous]

You don't parent anymore. You move to the friends stage. Do you try to parent or give unsolicited advice to your friends? No, so don't do it to your adult children. Of course you can still give advice and share stories with your kids, but only when asked and it's appropriate. You have to realize that you've raised wonderful children and it's their turn to make their own decisions. You only get 18 years to shape them.

It took one of our parents a bit longer to stop giving us patronizing advice and I will say that it was to that parents' detriment. That parent got less phone calls and it wasn't as interesting to talk to them because they just wanted to grill me on my investments, my job and any other decisions I was making.

How to convey your love? Listen to their stories about their travels or fun things they did on the weekend. Show interest in their friends or people they're dating. You have raised kids right when they still love you enough to willingly want to be your friend when they're grown.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You don't parent anymore. You move to the friends stage.

This.
Hang out and become friends. You can become closer with them than you were as a parent believe it or not.

[Anonymous]

You don’t parent unless they come to you for comfort, for advice, or for help. And even then, it’s cue-driven comfort, advice, and help: you come from a place of respect, curiosity, recognition for who they are as a person.

For example, my brother was raised Catholic but is now an atheist. My mom will only frame comfort and help as prayers and intercessions. So he rejects that and comes to me and my sister when, say, one of his friends dies. My mom cannot be trusted to offer love and comfort from a place of respect for who my brother is…so he doesn’t come to her.

[Anonymous]

You listen to them and don’t offer advice unless it is sought. Even then I avoid being too direct and spend more time on discussing options. They are all very smart and often just need a sounding board.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re no longer a CEO who is in charge of everything. You’re now a consultant and only offer advice and support when someone contracts you to do so. That advice may or may not be taken, and that’s okay.

You show your love by being interested in what they’re doing.

This. And no condemnation when they tell you things.

[Anonymous]

Absolutely agree on not giving unsolicited advice.

Would add that you should go visit your AC where they are living - don't always expect them to come home to you. It is a good way of letting them show you their new life and showing support for their choices (even when you are not feeling it )

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Absolutely agree on not giving unsolicited advice.

Would add that you should go visit your AC where they are living - don't always expect them to come home to you. It is a good way of letting them show you their new life and showing support for their choices (even when you are not feeling it )

I agree with this. Mine love sharing their favorite restaurants, coffee shops and activities in their new home towns. I think it makes them feel rather grown up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You’re no longer a CEO who is in charge of everything. You’re now a consultant and only offer advice and support when someone contracts you to do so. That advice may or may not be taken, and that’s okay.

You show your love by being interested in what they’re doing.

cant' wait. hate being CEO of everyone and everything and working full time. I pulled way back on monitoring school deadlines after middle school.

[Anonymous]

Best tip is to be there when phone rings to listen, offer advice only when asked and never offer/give money even if asked. Let them live life they create for themselves abs not one you puppet for them.

[Anonymous]

When I find myself tempted to weigh in on something I ask myself if I would weigh in if it were my sister and not my daughter talking. The answer is no 100% of the time so far so I stay mum.