What age to have “the talk”?
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Anonymous
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Curious everyone’s thoughts… we been pretty open about puberty, but haven’t really made the tie into sex with those conversations yet.
Any great resources you recommend? |
Anonymous
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Had a frank conversation with my daughter at 8. We used “what’s the big secret” but lots of books out there.
Honestly the sooner the better to have “the talk” |
Anonymous
| OP here. She’s 9. It’s interesting to me because we know families that won’t even discuss puberty yet (which is wild) and some whose kids have always known about how babies are made. We are somewhere in the middle. |
Anonymous
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The best I can offer is that this isn’t one big “talk”. Puberty and all it ushers in is a series of talks over the course of years.
I have girls so my experience is solely based on that. The American girl books The Care and Keeping Of You are a great resource. I also found it helpful to look up the grade level health curriculum so I knew what would be covered at school. I made a point to make sure that those topics were covered by me before the lessons at school. Mine are older teens now and we’ve maintained very open (sometimes too open from them) lines of communication. |
Anonymous
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We had conversations as my kids asked, and they asked a lot younger than 9. I can't really imagine a 9 year old isn't asking anyone, so I'd go ahead and have a conversation so she isn't getting misinformation from peers.
I agree that books can be a really good way to structure conversations, and get ahead of questions. Plus kids can go back and revisit them on their own. I like the book linked above, and other ones in that series. |
Anonymous
| There is so much to cover. I have always expanded when something came up. So when something comes up about a period I talk about what it is, what it means, how it feels. When flirting came up in the context of a tv show, I talked about why and when and feelings surrounding it. We have talked about birth control and sti and sex. It all comes up if you look for opportunities. |
Anonymous
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Op here, yeah, we’ve mostly just taken things as they come. She’s asked more and more and I’m just open in general with her about body changes. I told her the things she needs to be looking out for as her body changes. She knows about periods.
However, she’s not asked about sex. They will have the official school talk next year in 5th I believe, so of course I want to get out in front of that. I’m surprised she hasn’t really asked more. Sometimes I wonder if I’m too open, because she openly talks about puberty coming up and was mentioning this to her friend (also 9) and the friend’s mom was like “we don’t talk about puberty” Which is weird right? |
Anonymous
| Now. Whatever age your kid is. |
Anonymous
| An easy segue into the topic is visiting a zoo or farm and seeing animals. "What are they doing?" Then just be matter of fact about it. Not going to type exactly what I said to my kids but you get the gist. |
Anonymous
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I just told my 9 year old before the school year began (she is in 4th). I told my son when he was this age too. It was good timing with my son I remember as some kids in the class began speaking of it later that year and he was not in the dark.
Surprisingly it has been a bigger deal in my head both times. My know 9 year old hasn’t looped back with me on it at all yet. |
Anonymous
| We started fairly early with the Robie Harris series of books. They progressively get more detailed and older-age appropriate. We started with Its Not the Stork at about age 9. Then, It's so Amazing at about age 11 and It's perfectly normal at age 12. I highly recommend the book series and reading it with your kid. You can explain things and see if they have questions. |
Anonymous
| School covers it |
Anonymous
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We explained how babies were made at 8. We have been explaining and having conversations about puberty every year. Oldest is 11. There is still lots to learn and it is never a one time conversation.
Don’t be the parent that thinks school will teach them. Schools touch on puberty in 5th grade but don’t explain sex until 7th grade. Your kid will be mortified at school if they don’t know the basics. They need to know they can ask you anything. If you don’t talk about it, you are basically giving them the signal that there is something to hide. |
Anonymous
I don't rely on school. They don't necessarily have time to cover everything, and don't necessarily focus on the things I want focused on. |