Age-appropriate chores for teen girls

[Anonymous]

I recently added cleaning the (2) bathrooms to my daughter (13)'s list of chores, but she has proven extremely hostile to the idea, labeling it as 'disgusting' (which it admittedly is) and has been complaining to her friends about it, and claims they don't have to do many chores at all and that I am being unreasonable.

For some basic detail I expect her to: scrub the inside of the toilets with bleach and wipe down the mirrors and sink twice a week, and scrub the floors and the shower over the weekends. The bathroom is admittedly filthy most of the time, which makes cleaning it a fairly unpleasant task and one that I will not be missing, though I suspect this is mostly down to her and I suspect it will become miraculously cleaner once she realizes it is her job to clean it. Her other chores consist of walking and cleaning up after her dog; cleaning her room (though this is more a suggestion as it only affects her if it is filthy); making a meal once a week just so she learns how to; and emptying the bins around the house. I don't give her an allowance but I do pay for most things she wants provided she keeps on top of her chores.

Overall I just want to check that I am being reasonable as her reaction has made me doubt myself slightly.

[Anonymous]

Maybe start with her cleaning her own room and bathroom she uses once a week, as well as half the shared common areas such as kitchen and living rooms.

Then she cannot complain about cleaning "disgusting" toilets and tubs since they will be her toilet and tub.

[Anonymous]

Give her a clean bathroom to start with. Who's been supposed to clean it all along that it's filthy?

[Anonymous]

Damn good job mom. Getting a teen to do all of this is good parenting.

I don't think it's unreasonable

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I wouldn't make my DD clean a bathroom used by her dad or brother. Why should she need to wipe their pee of the floor and toilet seat?

I might have her make dinner once a month, not weekly.

[Anonymous]

have her mow the yard instead. She will soon like the 10 min required to clean an air conditioned bathroom.

[Anonymous]

Clean the bathroom and have her clean the bathroom she uses, and not yours.

[Anonymous]

My answer depends on how many kids you have. But yes, I agree that sole responsibility of cleaning of a bathroom if it’s shared with a dad or a brother is inappropriate. It sends the message that women are in charge of the most basic, gross messes. My mom made me clean all of the bathrooms in the house. I learned to clean well, but I also learned that she valued my brother and dad’s comfort over mine.

We have a downstairs powder room used by everyone and an upstairs 3/4 bath used by everyone. DH is in charge of cleaning the downstairs bathroom because he uses it more and realizes guests will notice if he ignores it.

It’s important to give a mix of daily, once a week, outdoor, and once in a while chores. In a house with both genders, it’s easy to fall into the trap of men getting the time-consuming but occasional, outdoor, contemplative and not urgent chores (raking, mowing, gutters), and women doing the grind of chores that feel like they’re never done because they repeat so frequently (cooking, dishes, putting stuff away, etc).

I try to mix both practical life skills, basic hygiene/cleaning, and building executive functioning skills for my kids.

I think one meal per week is a great start. My DD is younger so her meal-related work includes going through the school lunch menu with me on the weekend, planning dinner meals around that, going into cupboards and the fridge after to take inventory, and writing out the store list.

Add chores that require equipment or tools. Your DD is old enough to learn to use a lawn mower, use a ladder and garden tools, use a vacuum, etc. She needs to learn to care for equipment and tools, too. For example, if she vacuums, she puts it away after with a fresh bag or empty canister, hair and fuzz cleaned off the attachments, and attachments stored away.

I’m shocked by how few of my kids’ friends have chores. Either they’ll figure it out in college and beyond, or the pickings for competent roommates and spouses will be quite slim.

[Anonymous]

Maybe start by not genderizing chores. Cleaning bathrooms is an appropriate chore for anyone in the family who has the skills and kids have those skills by like age 7.

That being said, every single person in the house should be expected to be respectful and that means cleaning up after yourself in the bathroom. If you miss you wipe the toilet and floor before you leave the bathroom. If you leave skid marks you brush the toilet before you leave the bathroom. You’ve got lots bigger issues than your daughter refusing a chore.

[Anonymous]

My 11/15 old girls clean THEIR bathroom, and that’s appropriate. I wouldn’t make your DD clean the one she doesn’t use. They also do their own laundry (we help the 11 if needed), unload the dishwasher and put dishes away, scoop out the cat litter box, set and clear the dinner table and lighter stuff I’m not picky on like windexing glass and polishing the wooden furniture. But they do need to know how to do this stuff.

[Anonymous]

My 12 year old son does his laundry, cleans his bathroom (I do a deeper clean once a month or so but he uses Clorox wipes daily) vacuums a few times a week, takes out recycling. All of this started at 12 FWIW

[Anonymous]

I don’t know how or why girls/women in particular develop this strong “disgusting” or “grossness” aversion but I’d like to avoid it happening in my own daughter. I’m on the low end of the spectrum for it - I mostly have it about mice. But I watch grown women have full temper tantrums about spiders, or a smear of poop, and I don’t know how they function. So it would really bother me if my daughter complained that cleaning the bathroom was “disgusting.” More than just resisting cleaning it over all.

[Anonymous]

If you have other kids, they should be rotating these chores. All those chores are fine for a teen girl as long as they are a fair share.

[Anonymous]

Start with you and her sharing the task. Buy her gloves for the task. Teach her how to clean each thing. For example, scrub the inside of the toilet first with the designated toilet scrubber in a long handle. Second, spray down the toilet seat, etc. with Clorox spray. Then wipe the actual toilet seat first that you sit on and the handle that you touch area. Lastly, wipe the under side of the toilet seat where stains are gross at the end. Go over this process for sanitary practice. Also, it becomes a structure for her to follow. Teach her how much spray, etc. to use. There is much to learn. Work with her for several weeks. Teaching her how to stand back from sprays and odors. And how not to over spray. You don’t want to just say, “You are cleaning the bathroom now.” And, walk away. Do it together for several weeks. Eventually you can clean the sink while she cleans the toilet. You scrub the floor while she scrubs the tile in the shower, etc. or vice versa. You can monitor and build her up to the tasks. You’d be surprised with how much technique there is to explaining spraying the mirrors down with Windex and wiping the mirrors to get them very streak and dust free.

[Anonymous]

Our kids at that age emptied the dishwasher (one the top, one the bottom), were responsible the cleaning their bathroom (Jack and Jill), and doing their own laundry. It sounds to me like you are asking her to do a lot, but that's just me