School gatherings for parents

[Anonymous]

DC’s school has quite a few social gatherings for parents each year. They also have one just for mothers. I am never comfortable at these gatherings but I feel I should make the effort to go at least once a year. How can I stop dreading it? Fortunately, DC loves their school as does my husband, so it’s just me.

[Anonymous]

It helps to have a buddy to arrive with. Find a friend and offer to drive.

[Anonymous]

Eh. I hate these too. We don’t go. If this is anything in pre-k through elementary, you’ll have plenty of forced interaction at events with kids that parents also have to be at. If it’s MS or HS and you aren’t actively hoping to make friends or connections from the parent community, just don’t go.

I have a handful of parent friends I’ve gotten to know because our kids are in shared activities (like sports or theater) and I volunteer to support those activities. That’s plenty. We don’t go to any of the other social events.

[Anonymous]

OP here. This is HS and I had hoped that I could make a few friends from the school events. But these events always remind me of my own high school days with the “in” crowd and queen bees. The trigger my insecurities from back then. I hate wanting to be liked and fit in, just like I did back then. I’m a professional and confident in my job, but I shake in a sea of impeccably dressed moms at a beautiful house.

[Anonymous]

I think it helps to see these as generally building community and making weak but real connections that span a number of years with your child’s classmates’ parents. And also to compare notes with other parents about what their kids and families are going through at a particular age/stage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is HS and I had hoped that I could make a few friends from the school events. But these events always remind me of my own high school days with the “in” crowd and queen bees. The trigger my insecurities from back then. I hate wanting to be liked and fit in, just like I did back then. I’m a professional and confident in my job, but I shake in a sea of impeccably dressed moms at a beautiful house.

I feel the same way. Also at a high school (all girls). I’m wondering if we are at the same school. There are SO many parent events. My kid is very well adjusted and has lots of friends already. I, however, have no desire to make friends via the events. If it happens naturally through no effort, then fine. But I have plenty of friends and at my kids last K-8 exhausted myself trying to get to know people when my daughter entered in later elementary. I made some great friends but am done and don’t want to sit through a bunch of small talk and forced conversation with people I don’t intend to get to know better.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is HS and I had hoped that I could make a few friends from the school events. But these events always remind me of my own high school days with the “in” crowd and queen bees. The trigger my insecurities from back then. I hate wanting to be liked and fit in, just like I did back then. I’m a professional and confident in my job, but I shake in a sea of impeccably dressed moms at a beautiful house.

Rather than forcing yourself to go to social events that stress you out, try volunteering to help out with something. There will be just a few parents with a specific task rather than a sea of faces and unfocused mingling. You’re more likely to be able to make a connection as you chat with one person for an hour while setting up and serving dinner to students staying late for theater dress rehearsals or selling snacks at a softball game. Athletics and theater are the two bigs ones at our school, but band or other clubs might also have parent volunteer opportunities. Start with activities your kid is involved in and see what’s available. Go to games or performances or competitions and strike up conversations with other parents there; you automatically have something in common through the activities your kids are both involved in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is HS and I had hoped that I could make a few friends from the school events. But these events always remind me of my own high school days with the “in” crowd and queen bees. The trigger my insecurities from back then. I hate wanting to be liked and fit in, just like I did back then. I’m a professional and confident in my job, but I shake in a sea of impeccably dressed moms at a beautiful house.

I feel the same way. Also at a high school (all girls). I’m wondering if we are at the same school. There are SO many parent events. My kid is very well adjusted and has lots of friends already. I, however, have no desire to make friends via the events. If it happens naturally through no effort, then fine. But I have plenty of friends and at my kids last K-8 exhausted myself trying to get to know people when my daughter entered in later elementary. I made some great friends but am done and don’t want to sit through a bunch of small talk and forced conversation with people I don’t intend to get to know better.

What an ugly attitude. Don’t go in expecting to make besties. Go in with the attitude that you want to get to know the parents of the kids your child will be spending the next few years with.

Having parent allies is important. If your kid is in troubling whatever kind of way, the parent who knows you slightly but feels comfortable reaching out and talking to you about what they’re seeing or hearing can make a difference in your life or your kid’s life.

The parents who don’t engage at all, you’re just not going to have that kind of network. You may not care but if your kid someday needs a parent to be looking out for them in whatever situation, don’t expect that to be there is you haven’t invested in relationships with other parents.

And the parents who are really insufferable? Good luck to your kids.

[Anonymous]

Just suck it up and go. I say this as someone who also dreads them and know very few people but find I actually enjoy myself once I’m there. I go to meet other parents. I am 100% an introvert but make myself go. My rationale is if I’m asking my son to branch out and meet new people I need to do the same. I’ve found that I meet more people volunteering since it’s a smaller group. You might start there.

Our school has monthly mom’s and dad’s meetings which are basically just social hours with a small meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just suck it up and go. I say this as someone who also dreads them and know very few people but find I actually enjoy myself once I’m there. I go to meet other parents. I am 100% an introvert but make myself go. My rationale is if I’m asking my son to branch out and meet new people I need to do the same. I’ve found that I meet more people volunteering since it’s a smaller group. You might start there.

Our school has monthly mom’s and dad’s meetings which are basically just social hours with a small meeting.

^. This is HS where everyone is new as a 9th grader.

[Anonymous]

Lots at DCs schools also. I know lots of people at one and virtually no one at the other. I go b/c I want to contribute to the community, not to make friends. I always have a nice time.

[Anonymous]

I go. But I often feel out of place and I’m one of the few moms at the school that seems to work full time which further makes me an outcast because I can’t volunteer at the school at 10am on a Tuesday so I don’t know the women from that either. So the social gatherings, which are also usually part of a fundraiser attached, are one way I can participate and buy my $50-$150 ticket to contribute.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. This is HS and I had hoped that I could make a few friends from the school events. But these events always remind me of my own high school days with the “in” crowd and queen bees. The trigger my insecurities from back then. I hate wanting to be liked and fit in, just like I did back then. I’m a professional and confident in my job, but I shake in a sea of impeccably dressed moms at a beautiful house.

I feel the same way. Also at a high school (all girls). I’m wondering if we are at the same school. There are SO many parent events. My kid is very well adjusted and has lots of friends already. I, however, have no desire to make friends via the events. If it happens naturally through no effort, then fine. But I have plenty of friends and at my kids last K-8 exhausted myself trying to get to know people when my daughter entered in later elementary. I made some great friends but am done and don’t want to sit through a bunch of small talk and forced conversation with people I don’t intend to get to know better.

Me too - I bet we are all at the same school. I don't go to these events.

[Anonymous]

I go because I learn things about the school and teachers that aren’t blasted (some may call that gossip). I also go so people know who the parent of their kids friends are, like I like to know who the parents are of my kids friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I go because I learn things about the school and teachers that aren’t blasted (some may call that gossip). I also go so people know who the parent of their kids friends are, like I like to know who the parents are of my kids friends.

I was recently at one of these events for this purpose. I wanted to know if other parents had the same reaction to a specific teacher that I did and how people were handling it. I don't think of that as gossip, I think of it as making sure I'm seeing situations correctly.

Though I have heard legitimate gossip about the school and teachers at these events too, stuff that doesn't relate to helping kids and families know the lay of the land.