Why do I always make an ass out of myself?!

[Anonymous]

We have zoom meetings several times a week involving problem-solving scenarios. I'm a very quiet person and rarely participate though I will give input in writing. Today I was "called on" at the very end of the meeting, so I thought the leader was asking me to handle the scenarios for next time (we take turns). I go "hi Jen, sure, I will do the next one" and she actually wanted me to still problem solve the last scenario (despite three people having already offered insight) I felt like a total fool! Why can I not even get the most basic things right?! I am going to replay this in my head all day long.

[Anonymous]

Don’t beat yourself up. Zooms can be really fragmented and I sometimes struggle to follow them even if they’re the same content and format as an in-person meeting.

You actually sound conscientious and maybe it’s possible that the leader/facilitator did a bad job of asking the question or explaining what she was asking for. I’m like you and always assume I’m wrong, but you should put the same energy you’re putting into self-flagellation into considering that the leader communicated her request poorly.

Also that sounds like a really tedious zoom. Hopefully you are solving big problems for all of us!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t beat yourself up. Zooms can be really fragmented and I sometimes struggle to follow them even if they’re the same content and format as an in-person meeting.

You actually sound conscientious and maybe it’s possible that the leader/facilitator did a bad job of asking the question or explaining what she was asking for. I’m like you and always assume I’m wrong, but you should put the same energy you’re putting into self-flagellation into considering that the leader communicated her request poorly.

Also that sounds like a really tedious zoom. Hopefully you are solving big problems for all of us!

Thank you for your response, that was very kind! I am really conscientious, that's true, but also anxious. And the zooms are tedious and awful but also just necessary so no way around them. She started by saying "sorry to bother you" and I think that was a little weird for sure (because I am always in the meeting, and I pay attention!) so that took me a little off-guard. In general, I feel like I speak so little that when I do speak there is more pressure to be insightful and prepared. I came off really startled and weird and then blurted off my answer after apologizing for misunderstanding what she was asking me. I'm pretty mortified right now.

[Anonymous]

Doesn’t sound like a big deal to me. On the other side of it she might be mortified she wasn’t being clear.

[Anonymous]

OK since you clarified that she said "sorry to bother you" --

As a meeting facilitator some days all I have are quiet people with cameras off. Let me tell you, it's annoying. It does feel like you're not paying attention and that you're not participating.

I don't know if this is the case here, but it's like being a cheerleader at a pep rally you don't care about, don't want to be at, and nobody GAF but you have no choice.

So all you quiet people out there, just like you need to make an effort to practice a little small talk with a cashier, you need to challenge yourselves to participate, just one tiny thing a meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK since you clarified that she said "sorry to bother you" --

As a meeting facilitator some days all I have are quiet people with cameras off. Let me tell you, it's annoying. It does feel like you're not paying attention and that you're not participating.

I don't know if this is the case here, but it's like being a cheerleader at a pep rally you don't care about, don't want to be at, and nobody GAF but you have no choice.

So all you quiet people out there, just like you need to make an effort to practice a little small talk with a cashier, you need to challenge yourselves to participate, just one tiny thing a meeting.

So you think she meant it in a snarky way? Now I feel even worse. A lot of people do participate in the meetings.

[Anonymous]

OP, can you list a few examples of when other people have made mortifying mistakes in your recent work zooms?

I’m guessing you can’t, because even if it was mortifying for them, it was a forgettable non-event to you. Based on your description, you seriously have nothing to be beating yourself up about, at all.

[Anonymous]

Everyone else has probably forgotten about it.

Maybe next time, you can make a joke when you hear something incorrectly.

[Anonymous]

No one will remember this. Just move on. Zoom meetings are the worst. Don't feed the monster

[Anonymous]

I can relate. I wfh and I have so much Zoom anxiety. I’m really good at my job, but I am absolutely terrible at contributing to meetings on Zoom. I get so worked up when I know it’s almost my turn to speak, I’m practically shaking. Flub it all the time.

[Anonymous]

I just bought something at the airport market and the cashier said "have a good flight" and I said "you, too!"

These things happen. Just laugh about it.

[Anonymous]

I would remember this. How old are you? Could be early onset dementia if you are over 40. This just doesn't sound normal if, as you say, it's something you constantly do.

[Anonymous]

Not a single participant is even thinking about it. I guarantee.

[Anonymous]

You need to work on your anxiety and overthinking for sure. This was no big deal. "Oops, sorry I misunderstood. Okay! So on this last scenario, it looks like ..."

[Anonymous]

Sounds like you weren't paying attention.