At what point do you decide on a gap year?

[Anonymous]

My son is a top student, 35 ACT, etc.
He talks about wanting to go to college and with a lot of prompting has created some semblance of a list. To get here we basically had to beg him to sit down for 30 minutes last weekend because his school college counselor was insistent that he needed to turn one in. He pretty much half-assed the conversation--gave us some names but he's never once looked up a school, researched anything, etc. He has grudgingly gone on some tours. I say grudgingly because he generally complained the entire time.

I hired a college essay writer and because of her (and a few deadlines) he wrote a rough draft of his personal statement. However, the next iteration of this is pending his edits and he's been sitting on this for 3 weeks with no progress.

He has every excuse in the world why he can't do college things on the weekend. He has back-to-back social things, he just scheduled himself to work every Saturday at the job he held over the summer, he has sporting events to go to, and on and on. He is literally running from college tasks. We never see him anymore as he's out of the house for 18 hours a day on the weekends.

He knows the application deadlines are looming (5 weekends away for the first ones) and he says "I'll get things done" but then every weekend he schedules himself back-to-back. I half expect him to start volunteering at a soup kitchen and working at a second job. It truly feels like he's making things up to avoid the college tasks.

At what point do we talk to his college advisor about a gap year? He just really seems unable to face this change. I believe that college (fully funded at that) is a huge gift and we're not going to spend endless energy trying to beg him to engage in the process. My husband disagrees. He's fine with writing the essays for my kid.

[Anonymous]

gap year happens when you have an acceptance in hand

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:gap year happens when you have an acceptance in hand

then what do you do with a smart kid who just won't engage with the college application process?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gap year happens when you have an acceptance in hand

then what do you do with a smart kid who just won't engage with the college application process?

Start discussing community college and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:gap year happens when you have an acceptance in hand

then what do you do with a smart kid who just won't engage with the college application process?

Boys mature later than girls.
Help him.
Write the essays if you have to.
Get it done so he has options.
Then you decide.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a top student, 35 ACT, etc.
He talks about wanting to go to college and with a lot of prompting has created some semblance of a list. To get here we basically had to beg him to sit down for 30 minutes last weekend because his school college counselor was insistent that he needed to turn one in. He pretty much half-assed the conversation--gave us some names but he's never once looked up a school, researched anything, etc. He has grudgingly gone on some tours. I say grudgingly because he generally complained the entire time.

I hired a college essay writer and because of her (and a few deadlines) he wrote a rough draft of his personal statement. However, the next iteration of this is pending his edits and he's been sitting on this for 3 weeks with no progress.

He has every excuse in the world why he can't do college things on the weekend. He has back-to-back social things, he just scheduled himself to work every Saturday at the job he held over the summer, he has sporting events to go to, and on and on. He is literally running from college tasks. We never see him anymore as he's out of the house for 18 hours a day on the weekends.

He knows the application deadlines are looming (5 weekends away for the first ones) and he says "I'll get things done" but then every weekend he schedules himself back-to-back. I half expect him to start volunteering at a soup kitchen and working at a second job. It truly feels like he's making things up to avoid the college tasks.

At what point do we talk to his college advisor about a gap year? He just really seems unable to face this change. I believe that college (fully funded at that) is a huge gift and we're not going to spend endless energy trying to beg him to engage in the process. My husband disagrees. He's fine with writing the essays for my kid.

Applications are not really due until January and even into March.

[Anonymous]

Why not let him decide?

My situation is different but we always knew DS would take a gap year. You make the decision whenever it becomes apparent that it would be a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Never. Do the applications for him.

[Anonymous]

Set a schedule that has deadlines to get the applications done on time and then don’t let him make plans unless the deadlines are also satisfied. He is making social plans and avoiding rework. That is what teenagers often do, that’s why parenting is still important.

[Anonymous]

Just help write the essays and stop putting more stress on this kid. Let him decide when the offers come in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a top student, 35 ACT, etc.
He talks about wanting to go to college and with a lot of prompting has created some semblance of a list. To get here we basically had to beg him to sit down for 30 minutes last weekend because his school college counselor was insistent that he needed to turn one in. He pretty much half-assed the conversation--gave us some names but he's never once looked up a school, researched anything, etc. He has grudgingly gone on some tours. I say grudgingly because he generally complained the entire time.

I hired a college essay writer and because of her (and a few deadlines) he wrote a rough draft of his personal statement. However, the next iteration of this is pending his edits and he's been sitting on this for 3 weeks with no progress.

He has every excuse in the world why he can't do college things on the weekend. He has back-to-back social things, he just scheduled himself to work every Saturday at the job he held over the summer, he has sporting events to go to, and on and on. He is literally running from college tasks. We never see him anymore as he's out of the house for 18 hours a day on the weekends.

He knows the application deadlines are looming (5 weekends away for the first ones) and he says "I'll get things done" but then every weekend he schedules himself back-to-back. I half expect him to start volunteering at a soup kitchen and working at a second job. It truly feels like he's making things up to avoid the college tasks.

At what point do we talk to his college advisor about a gap year? He just really seems unable to face this change. I believe that college (fully funded at that) is a huge gift and we're not going to spend endless energy trying to beg him to engage in the process. My husband disagrees. He's fine with writing the essays for my kid.

Ask the college counselors to develop a list of rolling admissions schools that will consider him if he just sends in the common app without essays, or just grades and test scores by themselves. Or schools — possibly weak ones — that will take him if she describes him to them over the phone and points out that you’re full-pay.

Have that list available if your son wakes up in February and decides he’d like to go to college.

[Anonymous]

How many college tours have you done? Does he like any of these schools? What do you think his problem is? Simply paralyzed and overwhelmed by the process? In my house, there would be a come to Jesus conversation. This is HIS life and he must put in some effort, not to mention the amount of money to be spent. Maybe he needs to slow down on the social activities and part time job until after Christmas? Make a list of things to be done, dates and have him sign off on it. Non negotiable. Make it clear to him that if he is in your home next year, he will be required to work 40+ hours a week and you will be charging rent.

[Anonymous]

Writing the essays for him = cheating. Plain and simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is a top student, 35 ACT, etc.
He talks about wanting to go to college and with a lot of prompting has created some semblance of a list. To get here we basically had to beg him to sit down for 30 minutes last weekend because his school college counselor was insistent that he needed to turn one in. He pretty much half-assed the conversation--gave us some names but he's never once looked up a school, researched anything, etc. He has grudgingly gone on some tours. I say grudgingly because he generally complained the entire time.

I hired a college essay writer and because of her (and a few deadlines) he wrote a rough draft of his personal statement. However, the next iteration of this is pending his edits and he's been sitting on this for 3 weeks with no progress.

He has every excuse in the world why he can't do college things on the weekend. He has back-to-back social things, he just scheduled himself to work every Saturday at the job he held over the summer, he has sporting events to go to, and on and on. He is literally running from college tasks. We never see him anymore as he's out of the house for 18 hours a day on the weekends.

He knows the application deadlines are looming (5 weekends away for the first ones) and he says "I'll get things done" but then every weekend he schedules himself back-to-back. I half expect him to start volunteering at a soup kitchen and working at a second job. It truly feels like he's making things up to avoid the college tasks.

At what point do we talk to his college advisor about a gap year? He just really seems unable to face this change. I believe that college (fully funded at that) is a huge gift and we're not going to spend endless energy trying to beg him to engage in the process. My husband disagrees. He's fine with writing the essays for my kid.

You are complaining that he won’t engage? Where did he learn that?

Maybe from having parents who refuse to parent? Set boundaries. “No, you don’t get the keys to the car until you do X.”

You are failing to acknowledge your mistakes in creating the situation. You are raising an entitled kid. Are you going to write his college papers too?

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

[Anonymous]

Is not getting around to filling in the forms the reason to take a gap year? I took one, but it was with the goal of working and seeing the world…

I would not fill in the forms for him. It is his life, he needs to take responsibility for it.