Ghosted by a friend

[Anonymous]

I have a close childhood friend who has effectively ghosted me. A few years ago she moved to another city following her divorce and I visited and stayed with her for a couple of days, met her new partner, and returned to our home city with a promise to check in on her (now post-college age) kids who live in the area. I had a great time. Over time, I've noticed that my messages remain unanswered (or one sentence responses), calls not answered, my visits back to her city (for work, but with hopes to see her) never seem to work out (often she responds that she is coincidentally in my city, visiting her kids), and I was thinking about it this weekend and realized that we haven't had a proper conversation in 5+years. Even tragic news (my parent's fatal illness) was met with a tepid "thoughts and prayers". I have been living under the delusion that we have a friendship, meanwhile she has erased me from her life! Of course now I'm obsessed with what I could have done to cause this ( we are still linked on social media and I see her engaging energetically and enthusiastically with our mutual friends but whenever I reach out it's crickets). It hurts. But more maddeningly, I wonder what I did to be exiled. I'm someone who is hyperaware of how I treat others and it can sometimes come across as non-spontaneous, or insincere but I am very careful with my friendships - as we get older, it gets harder to make new friends, so I treasure the ones i have. I don't even think there is any useful advice anyone can give me besides "let it go" but it does bother me. Just writing it down makes me feel better. #venting.

[Anonymous]

OP, it's really hard to say without knowing what may have happened.

Do you post any political content? I ghosted some people who post anti-Israel content including one of by best friends who I grew up with. She moved to CA and bought into the whole progressive insanity. I know she's hurt but I just don't feel like having a conversation with her to explain it.

[Anonymous]

It won't bring you back together. She has built a new life.
Maybe just a note ...on paper so she doesn't have to ponder texting back...saying you were thinking of her, regret that you grew apart after she moved, and hope she's well.

[Anonymous]

OP it's likely you've done absolutely nothing wrong or offensive. She is a fair weather friend. There is nothing you can do to change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It won't bring you back together. She has built a new life.
Maybe just a note ...on paper so she doesn't have to ponder texting back...saying you were thinking of her, regret that you grew apart after she moved, and hope she's well.

I like this idea