Unexpected aspects of dementia

[Anonymous]

The utterly disturbing accusations, claims, bizarre statements of facts. It’s so disturbing, like living with an insane person sometimes.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it's like they lose their filter and you think "Is this the alzheimer's or did my mother always secretly think i was an a**hole?" I don't really know what to do with it.
My sister is fixated on who my mother remembers and who she has already forgotten and whether there is any significance to it. If she remembers me and not you is that because I am more important to her?
My therapist tells me to stop looking for logic, but isn't it human nature to do so?

[Anonymous]

Yep. My mom became obsessed with termites and fears that her house was infested with termites.
One time my brother was over and was peeling an avocado. The little nub of the avocado stem fell on the floor, and my mother immediately ran over, picked it up, and started insisting it was a termite dropping!

[Anonymous]

My MIL can’t seem to remember anything about our young adult DS - acts surprised to see him, asks him where he goes to school, very basic information as if she hasn’t ever met him but can recall all of the other grandchildren’s activities and particulars pretty well. I quietly wonder if she’s truly forgotten about him because he’s been away at college and she doesn’t see him as often as the other GC.

[Anonymous]

But it’s so disturbing and unsettling. An old family friend of my dad wrote to my mom last year that he wanted no contact with her anymore because of some idiotic reason and blamed my mom for ridiculous stuff. I defended my mom and asked them not to level such accusations and to leave her alone in future (because the things they wrote were really mean). Now my mom is texting them again and accusing me of telling them to leave her alone. I am so disturbed. Ofc now I realize this old man has dementia too. I should have stayed out of it. It’s truly the worst disease.

[Anonymous]

My mother just became mean. She went from normal to just awful. No one wanted to be around her because she alternated between depressed and hateful towards anyone in her vicinity

[Anonymous]

My dad, who used to travel internationally for weeks, became very clingy. He didn't even like my mom to be outside gardening -- the world was scary and confusing, and he wanted someone familiar with him at all times.

Now my mom talks about how she wishes my siblings and I would all move back to our hometown. Mind you, my mom moved a thousand miles away from home while her siblings stayed in the same tiny (pop 7,000) town until my grandparents died.

[Anonymous]

My dad became physically violent and started having panic attacks. He had done manual labor his whole life and was very strong. He ripped the door off the chain lock at my house.

[Anonymous]

This is so sad. My father called home (he is in a very nice memory facility. My mother is there every day for 8 hrs a day). He called saying he was being held prisoner and was going to call the police.

It’s so heartbreaking for her and not being able to get through to him.

[Anonymous]

This thread is strangely therapeutic for me. Thank you. My mom has said such excruciatingly awful things to me after all I have done to help her and dad over the years. I do wonder if it's what she always thought, because she had a mean-spirited side her whole life, just not this biting and harsh. She has no filter when it comes to me, but somehow she can hold together for others mostly. The accusations have downright absurd.

What stinks is when people play into their crazy. Sometimes sadly, it's so they can take advantage, but that is another thread.

[Anonymous]

How old were these patients when they started becoming nasty (or nastier)? Was it the first symptom?

Sometimes I wonder if my husband is developing dementia, or is just becoming nastier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old were these patients when they started becoming nasty (or nastier)? Was it the first symptom?

Sometimes I wonder if my husband is developing dementia, or is just becoming nastier.

I posted above. Maybe 80. For years it was the only symptom we noticed. The loss of memory followed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old were these patients when they started becoming nasty (or nastier)? Was it the first symptom?

Sometimes I wonder if my husband is developing dementia, or is just becoming nastier.

My mom was around 79-82 for the worst of it. She had a few truly awful years. She’s 83 now and more or less stable (as stable as a dementia patient can be) in memory care but she still has her moments. Today was especially fun- she got furious at me for helping the other residents with the courtyard door so she balled her fists and threw a pillow, then burst into tears. All because I was holding the door from the courtyard open so the others that were enjoying the weather could go back inside (it’s a surprisingly heavy door).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How old were these patients when they started becoming nasty (or nastier)? Was it the first symptom?

Sometimes I wonder if my husband is developing dementia, or is just becoming nastier.

I think there are a lot of aspects of aging that people start worrying about, and that anxiety comes out as anger. How did your husband deal with worry when he was younger?

My mom was always sort of snipe-y, and her decline has definitely made her focused on how other people are doing things wrong, but that was always something she did. It's just now, she can't do the things she liked in the way she liked to do them, so she has more time to notice and comment on other people's wrongness. But she's not throwing stuff at me.

[Anonymous]

The process is heartbreaking. I tried to have a sense of humor about it. Everyone told me to write a book about my experience with my parents, but it would have killed me.
Try to laugh about it when you can. My mother put her radio in the frig then insisted the govt was talking to her thru the walls. We had to remove every mirror when she insisted old people were yelling at her from “pictures on the wall” - her own reflection.