Mom won’t wear hearing aids - just a vent

[Anonymous]

Conversations were always one sided before, as far as I could remember, whether talking to “friends” or to me - she just complains and complains and yaks and yaks without letting other person talk. This can last an hour on the phone.

Now it’s worse because she can’t hear the person at all and she refuses to wear her hearing aids. She doesn’t know who I am when I call because she can’t hear me. She can’t hear me saying “I have to go now”.

I’m a single parent, no support at all. I don’t have time for this. I started hanging up after yelling that I had to go. Now I’ve stopped calling because she can’t hear me and hangs up because she doesn’t know who it is. I’m tired of calling back repeatedly.

Honestly I don’t miss the 1 hour calls where she talks nonstop about all of her medical problems.

There’s obviously more re why I don’t bother anymore but I think aging parents need to understand the impact of not hearing on their relationships and wear their hearing aids. If they don’t, be prepared for fewer phone calls and visits.

Just venting to complete strangers, not looking for solutions, have tried them all.

[Anonymous]

That stinks. I'm sorry. Hope you find peace.

[Anonymous]

I'm sorry. It sucks. My mom has a bad habit of calling me when she's in a car (not driving) in a very rural area and she can't hear a thing. I've had to just hang up and text her that she may call me when she's home.

[Anonymous]

Your mom needs to realize she can't use the phone without her hearing aids. Tell her you have to go, and hang up. Every single time. When she asks about it and can hear you, tell her it is too frustrating to try to talk to someone on a phone when they can't hear. Rinse, repeat.

-- a relatively young person who didn't want hearing aids but needed them

[Anonymous]

OP,

This is the last 25 years of my parents' life. I actually felt relief when they died. (at 90).

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry, OP.

[Anonymous]

My sister (63) is at this stage now. She yells into the phone because she can't hear herself. I cannot get a word in. She will not wear her hearing aids. Sometimes I just hang up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your mom needs to realize she can't use the phone without her hearing aids. Tell her you have to go, and hang up. Every single time. When she asks about it and can hear you, tell her it is too frustrating to try to talk to someone on a phone when they can't hear. Rinse, repeat.

-- a relatively young person who didn't want hearing aids but needed them

OP specifically said they're not asking for advice.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry, OP, I hope you have the support of a few good friends, or other relatives.

People who lose their hearing usually fight getting hearing aids. It's an operational hassle, and psychologically it's hard for them to admit they have a disability. My aunt progressed to the point where she couldn't hear anyone and only then did she grudgingly agree to get hearing aids - which have now changed her life. They're connected to her smartphone and work beautifully, although they're so small that sometimes she has trouble manipulating them.

My mother has inattentive ADHD, so her hearing issues are compounded by inattention - she doesn't need hearing aids yet, even though she misses a lot due to the ADHD, which is very frustrating, because that cannot be addressed. It's not like she's ever going to take Adderall!

My husband is hard of hearing, and is getting louder and noisier, but won't even entertain the notion that there is an issue and gets annoyed when it's mentioned. He yells so loudly into the phone that people ask him to speak softer because they can't understand him.

So yes... aging creates problems and exacerbates existing issues. We'll get there too. All we can hope is that we won't be such annoying asses about it

[Anonymous]

My FIL was prescribed hearing aids about the time I met him, over 30 years ago. He has refused to wear them and his hearing has gotten worse now that he’s 77. Refuses on the basis of vanity, although this is no longer a valid excuse.

I haven’t called him on the phone (and we’re local) “just to chat” nearly there entire time I’ve been married - I end up shouting and repeating myself and I’m still not sure he understands I word I say. My now-grown DC know not to call him, either.

He misses so much in person and on the phone. Incredibly selfish and vain.

[Anonymous]

It's the OP. Thanks for listening everyone. It helps to know I'm not alone. Frustrating because many agr related problems can't be solved, but wearing hearing aids should be an easy fix!

[Anonymous]

Loss of hearing is heavily linked to getting dementia. As a 63 year old I got hearing aids to help prevent dementia. You cant see them.

[Anonymous]

Sorry, OP. My mom is similar. I honestly haven't called her in years, though we do communicate by email.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loss of hearing is heavily linked to getting dementia. As a 63 year old I got hearing aids to help prevent dementia. You cant see them.

Not OP but my dad also wouldn’t wear his hearing aides. I’ve tried that argument but he says it must be the big pharma trying to sell more hearing aids that pays for this kind of research. He is pretty sure he is sharp as a tack when in reality he is filled with cliches, outdated knowledge, and conspiracy theories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Loss of hearing is heavily linked to getting dementia. As a 63 year old I got hearing aids to help prevent dementia. You cant see them.

+1