Traveling with Kids - Don't want to do it without them. Can't do it with them

[Anonymous]

So wife and I love to travel. We have two sons 14 and 16. 14 year old is easy going. 16 year old has issues. He hates everything. We have gone on many trips when they were young like...until the 16 year old was 12, but since then, he never wants to go...with us! He complains non stop. Is miserable. Ruins the trips. So we really haven't went anywhere as a family in a while. We have rented a large enough beach house where the kids can bring friends and it was fine but we'd like to go as a family. We don't want to take the 14 year old to Europe and leave the 16 year behind, but we also don't want to limit our 14 year old's vacations. Anyone run into this and how did you manage "that" kid? Thanks

[Anonymous]

Is there anywhere the 16 year old would like to go? Can you let him pick a few things to do in whatever city, and then give him the option to just sit around in the hotel or explore on his own when he doesn’t feel like joining?

[Anonymous]

Honestly this sounds like a failure to parent. Of my child was behaving like that I would not tolerate it. And yes, I have teenagers.

[Anonymous]

Is it all trips, or can he not handle time zone changes? Or exotic food? Or something like that?

Otherwise you can always just wait until he is in college and take the younger one.

[Anonymous]

I allow “that” kid a few grumbles but otherwise let them know the expectations for the trip in advance and don’t put up with ridiculous complaining. Is he complaining because he has nothing better to say, because he’s disregulated, because he’s just a grump? Is there any legitimate reason for his behavior or simply that he hasn’t been taught how to act?
Send him to outward bound camp for 2 weeks and take your younger kid somewhere you and he want to go.

[Anonymous]

Is the 16 year old a complainer in general or is it only about vacations? Touring European cities with lots of history or do you mix it up? A PP asked where does he want to visit? If he only wants to stay home, does he have a summer job?

[Anonymous]

Honestly I wish I could take back a couple vacations. One especially to Quebec was...wow. Constant surly mood, contrary, unenthusiastic about everything. So the following summer we visited family instead of doing a city trip before that the way we usually do. It was not worth spending money for a generally miserable atmosphere.

[Anonymous]

If he complains non stop, then why not leave him behind? He clearly doesn’t want to go.

Find a relative to stay with him or put him in a teen summer camp.

Go! I wouldn’t let one kid hijack the whole family if I had other options

[Anonymous]

16 yo will be out of the house in two years. Dial back on travel until then. Some people - even our kids! - are just pills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly this sounds like a failure to parent. Of my child was behaving like that I would not tolerate it. And yes, I have teenagers.

The flogging will continue until morale improves!

[Anonymous]

I get it, OP.

My kids were like this as early teens. My 19 yr old is now much better about it; I guess it was maturity. My 16 yr old is still a bit of a downer when we do things that they don't enjoy while traveling. I paid thousands for them to be there; I think a little bit of appreciation would be nice. When we call DC out on their bratty behavior, they claim, "I do appreciate it." but their behavior shows otherwise. Even my 19 yr old now sees the 16 yr old's behavior as somewhat bratty at times when we travel.

If it wasn't for the fact that my spouse's family lives in Europe, we probably wouldn't go there so often. We did take them on a long awaited trip to Asia this past summer. Unfortunately, can't leave my younger DC with anyone at home for more than a week, and we were gone for longer than that. DC did appreciate some aspects of the trip, but still reverted to their bratty behavior at times. This was a dream come true trip for me, so while I was annoyed with them, I still enjoyed my trip.

At this age, they just want to be with their friends, not their parents for that long. DC said that they wanted to go back to Asia... with their friends. I've been threatening to stop family vacations for years, but I think now we are at the point where my kids' schedules no longer align, so we probably will no longer be able to do family vacations.

It kinda makes me sad, but at the same time, relieved that my spouse and I will be able to travel together by ourselves in a couple of years. Maybe once younger DC matures a bit, and schedules align, we will do family vacations again.

tl;dr: this, too, shall pass. Hang in there.

[Anonymous]

Can you send the complainer to camp for a week and travel then?

[Anonymous]

You need to sit him down and explain to him that he is 16 and his behavior is not acceptable. Lay down the law before you leave.

[Anonymous]

This isn't really a travel issue, it's more a Teens and Tweens issue. You're looking for suggestions on dealing with behavior, not suggestions of places where a spoiled, self-absorbed teen might like to travel to. My two cents, which addresses both aspects: send him by himself on a voluntourism trip to a developing country. He'll see pretty quick what a nice life he has. This will also give you the opportunity to travel with your non-bratty child and have a good time.

[Anonymous]

Send the 16 year old to overnight camp for two weeks. And do whatever other travel you want.