Forum Index
»
Off-Topic
How did you cope after miscarriage?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I recently had a miscarriage and I'm having a hard time putting it behind me. Some days I feel happy and myself and other days I feel sad and gloomy. Sometimes I cry at random times, while I'm driving or doing chores. I don't seem to get emotional around babies or pregnant women; it hits me hardest when I am alone and not distracted by other things. I am fortunate that we have a happy, healthy DS who just turned 4. I try to focus on the fact that we were able to have a child and that despite the loss, I am confident we will have another child. I'm wondering what other people experienced post miscarriage and any advice how you coped with the loss. Did you try counseling or some other support? When were you able to feel like yourself again? My DH thinks I should probably talk to a therapist or some type of professional. I think he might be right.
TIA for any thoughts. |
Anonymous
| How long ago was the miscarriage? When I had mine I cried for 2 straight weeks (not all day but at least once or twice a day)- my doctor said it takes a while for the pregnancy hormones to leave your body and you are dealing with the grief as well. Allow yourself that. By week 4 I felt much better, sad but not upset or in tears by 6 weeks things felt back to normal. I had moments where something would make sad but I looked ahead to the future. Another milestone for me was when I reached what would have been my due date (and a close friend had a baby on the same day) that hit me really hard. Your body and mind are adjusting to a lot of things. It sounds like what you are experience is normal considering the circumstances. |
Anonymous
|
I'm so sorry. It takes awhile. It was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. If it has dogged you for months, I would consider therapy. If you're two weeks out and still crying in the afternoons, I think that's pretty normal. My DH thought I was overreacting (he didn't say it, but that's the feeling I got), but it hit me much harder than it did him.
I felt like myself within a month, 6 weeks, or so, although it took till my subsequent (healthy) child was born for me to really feel like it was in the past. I also found it helpful to talk to friends who had miscarried. I have one close friend who has had 6 miscarriages. I knew she'd had more than one, but finding that out and realizing what she's been through, yet seeing how she's managed to move on helped me more ta anything. |
Anonymous
| I am sorry for your loss. I suffered three miscarriages and each was painful and incredibly sad. It may not seem like it, but you will feel better - but it will never "leave" you. Although I have two beautiful and healthy children, I still see friends who were pregnant at the same time as me during one of the three and feel a little twinge of sadness. But it is normal to cry and grieve. You will survive! |
Anonymous
I'm so sorry for your loss. I had a miscarriage nearly 7 years ago - lost my first pregnancy - and found it devastating. I did go on later to have two healthy children (and no further miscarriages) but I don't think I ever really dealt with it completely and I do still now find myself sometimes becoming very emotional about it. It's a true loss, and there is a grieving process associated with it like in the loss of any other loved one. I think what makes it so hard is that this little person never came into being, it's kind of a nether-wordly type thing, and mostly people don't know what to say or how to help you cope. I would strongly recommend you talk to a counselor or someone right now, to try to help you work through the process, so that you don't end up like me 7 years later still being brought to tears by it. It's true you'll never forget it and it won't leave you, but it really shouldn't define you. You should be thankful for your other child and keep your chin up and be hopeful for more healthy children if that's what you want. Take care. |
Anonymous
| I had 3 losses...and each one was devastating. I joined a message board on babycenter.com that saved my life. It helped so much to "chat" with others who had been in my shoes. They also shared so much knowledge with me and helped guide me through the RE (reproductive endocrinolgist) process. |
Anonymous
| I got pregnant again - as fast as I could (medically). I still feel sad when I think about that time of my life but then my beautiful baby wouldn't be here if that pregnancy had progressed normally. |
Anonymous
|
I don't wish this kind of pain on anyone, and I wish for you that you find a way to bear it. I am sorry for your loss.
I have had three losses. One was my first pregnancy, which I lost at 7 weeks. It was a surprise pregnancy just after we stopped contraception. I wasn't sure DH really wanted a child. The loss actually showed me how much he wanted one. I went on to get pregnant within 3 months and have the most precious child ever. She would not be here if I had not lost the other pregnancy. That is how I look back at my first miss. My second loss was in January of this year. It was a blighted ovum discovered at the 8 wk U/S. The natural miscarriage took 6 very lonely devastating weeks. I coped with that one by rationalizing that the chromosomes never came together to really form an embryo that would have become a baby. It was a loss of the dream of that baby, but not really a baby. My third loss was a trisomy 18 and sex chromosome anomoly discovered during a CVS in June of this year. We took action with that loss. Again, I rationalized that the chromosomes did not come together to form a baby as we would want, or even one that would survive. Most T18 pregnancies end on their own or a child born that way survives for just a few painful days. The condition is considered incompatible with life. Again, it was the loss of a dream and a future I badly wanted. What held me together is knowing that I can get pregnant. Now, I just want to try again and stay pregnant. My only bottom line here is to say look forward, not backward. Find the silver lining - you can get pregnant. Get on with it. For me, the tears still come when I let myself feel that the future is not what I expected. I try very hard to be grateful for what I have. It helps, most of the time. |
Anonymous
| I had a miscarriage in June and I'm probably not coping very well, to tell the truth. I still feel sad and in our case it's very unlikely that we will have another child, so the sense of loss is especially hard to take. It seems final. My husband doesn't understand why I'd still be sad, either, which frankly isn't helpful. If I don't seem to be coping better in a few weeks I'm going to seek help. You are very likely to have another baby, so hang onto your confidence and do whatever you can to take care of yourself. I wish you the best of luck. |
Anonymous
|
I'm so sorry for your loss. I've also had miscarriages. Some things that helped me cope at different moments along the way were:
avoiding certain people and places and seeking out certain people and places, in order to protect myself emotionally spending a lot of time at the website www.resolve.org They have good online support groups reading An Empty Cradle, A Full Heart reading some of my favorite spiritual authors (Henri Nouwen, especially his book Life of the Beloved, also Richard Rohr) having a special ring made to honors my losses. I wear only this ring and my wedding band. There are websites that sell other kinds of remembrance jewlery. Here are two links to spiritual ceremonies/prayers/rituals. I have friends who used the Christian litury with a small group of friends. It was good. Christian - http://synodresourcecenter.org/wma/worship/occasional/funerals/0004/stillborn_service.html Jewish - http://www.ritualwell.org/lifecycles/pregnancyinfertility/Pregnancy%20Loss/ |
Anonymous
| OP, I still struggle. I wish I had something useful to say...it stings. |
Anonymous
| I just wanted to say that I am sorry and that I feel your pain. I had a miscarriage earlier this year at 7 weeks and I was quite sad for a few weeks. We got pregnant quickly thereafter but have had a first trimester filled with complications. I am just starting my second trimester now and I am still haunted by my miscarriage. I am convinced that I am going to miscarry again any day now and am not enjoying a single second of this pregnancy. I kind of wish I had given myself some time to heal (emotionally) before getting pregnant again. |
Anonymous
(((((hugs OP)))))) a loss is a loss, no matter what. You may still feel very emotional about it for many months afterwards, and even years later if something triggers a memory of what you lost. PP above, I also lost a child to Trisomy 18 and kidney/ heart defects. We didn't find out until about 22 weeks, so it was especially difficult to make a decision to end the pregnancy but he was in so much pain in utero with no amniotic fluid (I was wearing regular size slacks with no belly almost) that it was already bending his feet and arms. The doctor was brusque and told me in no uncertain terms I was only keeping him on "life support" and that he'd die during the shock of labor or hours after birth. We delivered him as a fetal demise, and had a ceremony and cremation. I still cant look at his things or his autopsy report without losing it, and it's been over 7 years. We did at least get confirmation that his ultrasound dx was accurate so there was no doubt he would have suffered needlessly had he come to term. Sad, very sad that nature allows this kind of genetic lottery to occur and cause so much pain for everyone. |
Anonymous
|
OP, in response to your question about whether you should see a therapist: Yes. If for no other reason that that s/he will help you to understand that what you are going through is 100% normal. It may help you to hear that you're "simply" experiencing all the classic symptoms of grief.
I say this because my husband was genuinely (not unkindly) questioning my emotional stability after my late miscarriage. Feeling that was I crazy was an added burden I didn't need. Knowing that I wasn't and having an understanding and experienced counselor helped enormously. A word of advice about those online support groups. If you sign up for one, do so in a way that allows you to access that forum only during times of your choosing. I had messages being delivered to me on the hour -- and I couldn't cope with all those other sad and very explicit stories about pregnancy and infant loss. It left me feeling retraumatized all the time. Good luck to you, OP. Most women who have miscarriages go on to have perfect healthy pregnancies. I did. |
Anonymous
| One word. Ambien. xo |