Baby shower drama
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I offered to host a baby shower for a friend I met a couple years ago who has been incredibly kind to me. It's not her first kid, but her first shower, as she is a recent immigrant from a country where showers are not done. She was very excited when I offered to host at my home and we've agreed on a date.
I asked her for a guest list, and it turns out she wants to invite not just her 10-12 friends, as I assumed, but also their children, including boys, which brings the guest list to 30+. I've never been to a baby shower with boys, and if there were female children, it would just be a couple of well-behaved older girls. I was thinking to get catering + cake, the ladies would chat, do a couple shower games and open presents. All these kids won't fit in my house, and, even if I were to splurge on some kind of party room somewhere, I don't know how to entertain them without turning this into like a kids' birthday party. I think she recognized my shock when she shared this huge guest list and she was like "Oh, if you're not comfortable, let's do it at my house". Her house is half the size of mine, and I don't even know how I could host an event at someone else's place. Anyway, I regret having offered, I really don't want to lose this friendship because I care about her a lot, and I have no idea what to do. Help please? |
Anonymous
|
Do you have a backyard? The kids aren't really going to be in on the baby shower games / activities. Throw them outside or in the basement. Kids like easy food (pizza) and TV and just hanging out. They already know each other so it's not awkward. Put one of the older kids in charge of the littles - make a special badge / gift for the watcher.
Really not that hard. You are kind - and it sounds like a lot but honestly in immigrant families it the norm to have a little chaos/lots of family. If you were looking for a classy quiet instagram bling thing, then this won't be that. But it can be fun and your friend will appreciate it forever. I'd say, don't panic - plan a bit differently. |
Anonymous
|
Hire a couple older kids to babysit, plunk the kids down with pizza and a movie and some "goody bags" the way you would a kids' party. Giving mom's some kid-free time to socialize is the best gift, especially when kids are young. Doesn't need to be fancy.
Plus, it gives you a time limit for the party. Two short kids movies and you're done. |
Anonymous
| She already has a kid. She doesn’t need a shower. The point is to help the mother get the things she needs for a new baby. What is the point here? |
Anonymous
|
You have two choices. (1) Make the shower she wants work. (2) Tell her you had a smaller shower with only grown women in mind and you can't accommodate what she wants.
Neither answer is right or wrong. If you can't do it, you can't do it. I host a ton but I would say no to something that I couldn't do. The only wrong answer is saying you'll do it and then complaining about it or backing out at the last minute. Decide now and then be at peace with it. And part of that includes knowing that you aren't giving her what she wants. But we can't always do that for the people we love. |
Anonymous
|
I am an immigrant and went to lots of baby showers when I was a child. It was only when I was a young adult did I realize that for Americans it was an adult only event.
These regular baby showers, just with kids in attendance. They were not like kids parties or catered to kids. Just regular, fun showers. |
Anonymous
It sounds like she probably doesn't have these things as her first child was born in another country. Id have zero issues attending something like this. |
Anonymous
To help the mother get the things she needs for a new baby. |
Anonymous
This is a good suggestion. If you don't know any teenagers, ask her if she can get a couple moms to officially supervise the kids during the shower. |
Anonymous
It’s just a party to celebrate and connect! You can do them with no gifts. Or my personal favorite is a book shower, using some sort of online system to prevent duplicates. Each person brings a kid book they love and signs the inside with a little note of encouragement/love. OP I think I would try to embrace the kids and the guest list, get some folding chairs, and let it be a little chaotic. But it’s also perfectly reasonable to impose a limit or move the venue to her house and contribute how you can. Just decide your boundaries and communicate them clearly and lovingly. It sounds like you’re both lovely and this won’t cause a rift either way. |
Anonymous
|
If you value the friendship, OP, you need to have it at your house and have all the people. Not what you expected, but the kind thing to do.
If you had wanted something different you should have said up front, and not expected her to understand what you wanted to do. That isn't fair to her, especially since she is a recent immigrant and never had a shower before, so had no idea what you were thinking. |
Anonymous
| Just call it a party. |
Anonymous
|
Boy children? Oh, the horror!
This isn't drama OP, it's you clutching your pearls. Set up some outdoor activities for the kids and find a babysitter to make sure nobody gets hurt. |
Anonymous
|
In my immigrant family, a shower without kids wouldn't work because the dads are usually at work on weekends. The showers are women + kids. I suggest moving the party to her house and catering the food and organizing 1-2 games. For the food, give her some options (since she will know what her guests will eat) and don't opt for a caterer with crazy expensive tea sandwiches or charcuterie boards.
Don't host the party at your house - you don't know these families and there's no way to know if they will behave and respect your stuff. She is probably used to hosting that many people so it won't be a big deal in her house, even if it is smaller than yours. |
Anonymous
Either call it a party or tell her WHO gets invited to these things-- she doesn't know. Tell her it's typically lady friends and grandmas. It's not all genders all ages. |