MIL has money but chooses poverty
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Anonymous
| MIL was an attorney who was a SAHM when she got married then divorced so returned to work very reluctantly, was laid off a decade ago, then refused to find any work. Now, she's a hoarder who was forced to sell her house or face foreclosure, so she sold her (million-dollar) house she couldn't afford, nobody could afford as we all have small kids and daycare's a fortune. And now she's got money, she refuses more than an AirB&B despite nobody having room for her (plus she has untreated dissociative disorder diagnosed ages ago, and paranoia, keeps thinking she's spied on). She's talking an endless loop completely self-centered, hates everyone but her kids, and expects her kids to sacrifice all for her, and never cares about her grandkids unless it's to ask favors related to her hoarding in her storage unit. We keep asking county services social workers for help but since she has money but refuses help or an apartment longer than an AirB&B stint, she's effectively choosing homelessness. Or doing a loyalty test to see who will rescue her (spoiler: nobody will). What would you do? |
Anonymous
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Well, the Air B and B option seems like it is working OK? She has a place to live?
What is she asking of her kids? |
Anonymous
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Nothing. MYOB. She's your MIL, let your DH and any siblings if he has any figure this out, if they are inclined to.
It's a free country, she is entitled to refuse help, and she's entitled to live on her own terms without regard to how much it might frustrate and/or baffle her DIL. |
Anonymous
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Honestly, for a hoarder, she seems like she's in the best position for NOT being able to amass too much of a hoard.
The AirB and B renters won't let her stay with too much of a hoard, right? And she's having to pay for storage of her hoard, but she's a cheapskate so she won't want to pay for more. And if she is cheap, she isn't going out and buying more things? It might be a blessing that she doesn't have a house. |
Anonymous
The AirB&B was a temporary place, one month's stay paid by her kids so she could find something more permanent, but she rejects all their suggestions for senior apartments within her price range...rejects all their ideas but doesn't qualify for social services help. |
Anonymous
So... it's early August... is her month over? I mean, if she resists all suggestions, what's she going to do? Are you concerned because you think she's expecting to move in with one of her kids? |
Anonymous
| I guess take her a homeless shelter to show her where she'll be living if she refuses to find a place? |
Anonymous
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Stop whining and start thinking, OP.
1. She's old. Old people lose their ability to plan and anything out of the their routine makes them super anxious, which is paralyzing. Don't blame her for something she cannot control. 2. She doesn't have money. She has the proceeds from the sale of a house, and that's not going to support her unless she dies very soon. 3. It is easy to refuse to pay for the AirBnB. She will qualify for government aid as soon as she spends down her savings. This is how government housing works, OP. 4. When you refuse to pay for the AirBnB is when she'll be more amenable to talk. Stick her in a cheap motel, and eventually she'll see the light. Do not ever bring her home, you'll never get her out. |
Anonymous
| It sounds like MIL is losing her marbles but not enough for government to get involved. They won't do anything until she runs out of money. |
Anonymous
| Very ill-conceived title. She's not capable of rational thought, it seems. Her family needs to persuade her to accept a more permanent solution. People will dementia sometimes have to be lied to in order to be placed in the most appropriate home... |
Anonymous
Where did OP say this person has dementia? |
Anonymous
Read the OP. There is already a mental health diagnosis and the growing paranoia clinches things. Her mental state has progressed into dementia, or something that needs to be treated the same way. OP, there is a reason your MIL hasn't really been able to work much. She was never mentally healthy. A mental health diagnosis such as hers predisposes to dementia. Paranoia is a very common symptom in multiple forms of dementia. Your husband and his siblings need to deal with this in consequence. |
Anonymous
| She is mentally ill. Plenty of mentally ill people end up homeless. Other than making clear to my husband that she will never, ever move in with us, I would do nothing. |
Anonymous
| It does sound like early dementia. How much money does she have? You are saying she was broke and forced into foreclosure. She may have bad credit and no money and cannot get into anything. |
Anonymous
Lol -- another day, another dose of armchair doctoring on DCUM. You have no idea what you are talking about. Like zero idea. |