I Don't Initiate Playdates. Will My Child Suffer Socially?

[Anonymous]

11 yo DS us very sociable and in several different circles due to school, club sports, and church. DH and I have very demanding jobs and outside obligations so planning and initiating playdates for DS is not a top priority. This summer I've noticed a significant increase in the number of invitations DS is receiving and injustice can't replicate it. However, I often see other parents complaining on this board that their invites aren't reciprocated. Will my DS end up getting socially isolated due to my inability to plan playdates? Should I start declining invites that I know I can't reciprocate?

[Anonymous]

At 11m your DS should now be the one planning and initiating "playdates." You're fine. Nothing to worry about here.

[Anonymous]

It’s definitely a possibility, but declining invites now and further isolating your kid doesn’t seem necessary. If ppl start inviting others who reciprocate instead of your kid. You’ll then have to decide whether you can host occasionally.

[Anonymous]

Similar here. We are busy with a home renovation and unruly large breed puppy which makes hosting unappealing these days.

At this age the kids plan their own hangouts (asking permission from their parents of course).

I host far less than most but I do suck it up once in awhile and reciprocate by letting the kids plan and have a bunch of kids over at once. Easier to plan and accommodate than hosting each kid separately. I also do more than my fair share of driving/carpooling and usually jump to volunteer when I am able (driving is a lot easier to manage for me than hosting)- so I try to reciprocate in that way as well.

[Anonymous]

You can reciprocate though, you just need to prioritize it along with everything else in life. It doesn’t have to be totally equal but you can make some effort to host something once a month for a few hours can’t you?

[Anonymous]

I host a lot, and my DS' friend families rarely reciprocate/work long hours. I imagine if I stopped, they just wouldn't have a place to hang out. It would be fine. I have never met anyone who didn't reciprocate at all (and it can be carpooling, buying the snacks, volunteering a ton for their joint events).

[Anonymous]

You don’t need to reciprocate every invite. But at least plan ahead, look at your calendar and host something once/mo or so- let him invite several friends over or offer to take him and a few friends out somewhere (trampoline park, arcade, matinee movie or whatever) for the afternoon. When I do that I host/pay.

[Anonymous]

We host all the time. My kid invites about 25 girls over every other month. It is reciprocated by 2 girls. That’s it. It is fine. I would never penalize kids because their parents cannot host for some reason.

That said, if you can afford it but just don’t want to deal with people in your home, a quick “win” is to offer to take a group of kids to a movie. You buy the tickets and ask them to bring snack money. You can’t only take the number you can fit in your car so you might rotate the invites. You sit in the row behind the kids. My husband and I consider this to be almost a date since the kids don’t sit with us. And by middle school, we all can enjoy plenty of the same movies.

[Anonymous]

At 11, they are mostly planning their own hang outs. They mostly just need you to be a driver. I wouldn’t overthink it.

[Anonymous]

i’d never make a kid suffer socially because their parents suck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Similar here. We are busy with a home renovation and unruly large breed puppy which makes hosting unappealing these days.

At this age the kids plan their own hangouts (asking permission from their parents of course).

I host far less than most but I do suck it up once in awhile and reciprocate by letting the kids plan and have a bunch of kids over at once. Easier to plan and accommodate than hosting each kid separately. I also do more than my fair share of driving/carpooling and usually jump to volunteer when I am able (driving is a lot easier to manage for me than hosting)- so I try to reciprocate in that way as well.

So the dog’s needs are more important than the kids’ needs?

[Anonymous]

It sounds like you don’t have time for the kid you have. I hope he doesn’t realize that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Similar here. We are busy with a home renovation and unruly large breed puppy which makes hosting unappealing these days.

At this age the kids plan their own hangouts (asking permission from their parents of course).

I host far less than most but I do suck it up once in awhile and reciprocate by letting the kids plan and have a bunch of kids over at once. Easier to plan and accommodate than hosting each kid separately. I also do more than my fair share of driving/carpooling and usually jump to volunteer when I am able (driving is a lot easier to manage for me than hosting)- so I try to reciprocate in that way as well.

So the dog’s needs are more important than the kids’ needs?

Sick

[Anonymous]

When I think of playdates I think of younger children (2-6 years old), at a certain point kids take over that role. I don’t plan playdates for my 9 year old. It stopped around the time he was 7 years old. He has a series of extracurriculars now and he makes friends at school. Outside of birthday parties and a handful of get togethers we don’t really have time as he’s busy. 2-5 year olds is harder to make friends when they’re not in school or a series of ECs so usually parents have to organize more peer social experiences.

[Anonymous]

11 year old and play dates hmmm