Nerdy parents have popular kid…now what?
![[Post New]](/jforum/templates/default/images/icon_minipost_new.gif){kind=icon}
Anonymous
|
I was a total nerd bullied mercilessly at school, and even by my parents. I now have three kids, the oldest of whom is popular at school. She’s going into middle school next year. The teachers always tell me she’s the kindest kid they know, so I don’t think she’s being mean to anyone or bullying anyone. What advice do you have for a nerdy parent of a popular kid? We live in a very high SES area, but are relatively poor, and there’s no hiding that our house is small, our cars are old, and our clothing is cheap. |
Anonymous
|
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Doesn't sound broke to me. |
Anonymous
| Congratulations! Stay the course. If you feel the need to “do” something, research books for the next phase. For example, you could look into the college application process. I’ve known two people who were completely blind sided by how different it is. If you don’t feel the need to create work for yourself, that’s fine, too. |
Anonymous
| Encourage her to be popular because she's kind and inclusive, not popular because she's haughty and elitist. Have good snacks at your house and be a friendly parent who will drive kids home. Encourage your kid to use her popularity to shut down bullying and encourage her friends to include others. |
Anonymous
|
Leverage that popularity into a country club membership.
What do you mean, now what? Try not to mess up your kid with insecurities from your own childhood. Seems like so far so good. |
Anonymous
Yup. Just go w/the flow & be happy for your daughter. And share w/her your experience being bullied + how terrible it was for you growing up. Instill good values in her so that hopefully 🤞🏽 she will have the good sense to not bully others just because. Because bullying can have long-term negative emotional effects on a person. Good luck. |
Anonymous
As you know, some people are kind of born with that appealing personality. My DS is much better-liked and less Type A than both of his parents. Your luck may hold in middle school. For status-conscious areas, I recommend explicit training in how to buy status goods on sale, thrifting, etc. Make it a puzzle or fun game. Effective budgeting and shopping is important as a college student and young adult. I got dropped into a "W" middle school during the first wave of designer jeans craze. I picked it up pretty fast. |
Anonymous
| Mine, too! I was a nerdy, shy kid on the debate team. My kid ended up a darn good football player with a big friend group. The early years of parenting, when I had to plan play dates and worry about finding friends for him, were so stressful for me. As a teenager, he's 100% better off socially than he was as a younger kid. I'm so happy to be out of the stage where I was responsible for his social life. |
Anonymous
| Ride the wave- girls are awful to each other in HS so popularity can come and go-for either gender, honestly. If it's good for now, enjoy it. |
Anonymous
| Enjoy the humble brag, neeeeeeerrrrrrrddddd! |
Anonymous
Basement bro has arrived. |
Anonymous
| Middle school is the great equalizer in all the worst ways. Keep encouraging her to be herself and be strong in who she is. |
Anonymous
| It’s too soon to know if she’ll still be popular in a few years. I was fairly popular in elementary school, 6th grade middle school was a totally different ballgame. By 9th grade I was a huge loner with like 2 friends. Elementary school is super tame but once hormones kick in everything changes. |
Anonymous
| It's not too late to turn her into a nerd. Nerds are better. Don't let her fall into the trap of trying to care about stupid stuff like fashion and brands which is just a way to bully people who don't care about that stuff. |
Anonymous
|
Keep your home a safe place where she can escape the pressure of MS/HS social dynamics. You love her for who she is, not her popularity, looks, etc.
Don’t put value on or be impressed by her current social status…treat it as a “that’s nice, dear” situation. It will ebb & flow, so don’t teach her to put too much importance on it. (Or give the impression that you love her any more or less related to her popularity.) Continue to praise her for her kindness, her inclusion of others, etc. She’ll do great in the future if she is charismatic & also empathetic & kind. She’ll figure it out- I would just let her do her thing. Don’t place any importance in your family on peer popularity, etc - continue to just encourage hard work & kindness to siblings/others. |