Do I allow my kid to crash and burn or intervene

[Anonymous]

My son is a standard issue overachiever entering HS this fall. He has chosen take highest level classes, play three competitive sports, take a leadership position in a service organization that requires monthly volunteering and he wants to keep his summer job through the year. Spouse and I have expressed our concern that this is too much but he insists on this path. While I’m certainly proud that we have raised an ambitious son I can’t imagine how this is going to work out.

My plan is to monitor his grades and if they slip too much make him quit the job and then the organization if he doesn’t improve. Any suggestions?

[Anonymous]

I think he should at least drop the job and probably one of the sports too.

[Anonymous]

Both, sort of.

I’d let him do all of his activities but monitor grades. If grades drop have a conversation then…

[Anonymous]

Well, he can't do 3 sports at the same time. See how Fall goes and tell him that he is only allowed to continue with extracurricular activities if grades stay up.

[Anonymous]

For a high schooler? You can give them advice but absent developmental delays, they probably need to make the final decision themselves.

I was like that and still thrive the busier I am. I did hit an overachiever wall in college, though, in trying to take more than the recommended number of courses frosh year including organic chemistry and high level physics and a few other classes. But I bounced back next semester with a smaller course load and one retake. I don't think anyone could have convinced me not to do it.

You might feel reassured reading "the self driven child."

[Anonymous]

This all seems very normal to me except for keeping the job during the school year. Not sure that's a good idea.

He's not even doing that much, EC wise. He's playing a sport and then has a leadership role in a community service organization. Why would you make him stop doing that?? That looks good on his college applications.

Are you a first generation immigrant?

[Anonymous]

Is there overlap in the sports seasons? If not, or not much, that sounds fine. Is the summer job an ambitious or physically demanding one?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This all seems very normal to me except for keeping the job during the school year. Not sure that's a good idea.

He's not even doing that much, EC wise. He's playing a sport and then has a leadership role in a community service organization. Why would you make him stop doing that?? That looks good on his college applications.

Are you a first generation immigrant?

Interesting take. Is high level academics/sport/serous EC/job a normal schedule schedule for freshmen around here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For a high schooler? You can give them advice but absent developmental delays, they probably need to make the final decision themselves.

I was like that and still thrive the busier I am. I did hit an overachiever wall in college, though, in trying to take more than the recommended number of courses frosh year including organic chemistry and high level physics and a few other classes. But I bounced back next semester with a smaller course load and one retake. I don't think anyone could have convinced me not to do it.

You might feel reassured reading "the self driven child."

Thanks for your perspective. I get what you are saying - but isn’t it a little too early to go with “you’re an adult now” for a freshman in HS?

[Anonymous]

It may turn out ok. Definitely talk to his guidance counselor about how long he has after school starts to decide if wants/needs to drop a class. If you wait too long, it will go on his transcript, even if he drops, and a dropped class doesn’t look great.

[Anonymous]

I was like this and didn't hit the wall until MIT

[Anonymous]

Do the sports seasons overlap? What are the work hours?

Your DS cannot be at two places as once so curious how he plans to do these things. But in terms of busyness and time some people are just wired that way (I was and still am).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do the sports seasons overlap? What are the work hours?

Your DS cannot be at two places as once so curious how he plans to do these things. But in terms of busyness and time some people are just wired that way (I was and still am).

All of the seasons overlap especially if they make make the post season. I figure the school will work this out. What we’re trying to figure out is what are the decision points to start laying down the law. We had a major fight with him about his school schedule (he’s taking two science classes (one AP) and no fluff electives) ultimately we let him win.

[Anonymous]

If it helps, I have a bright but not an over-achiever rising 9th grade son. He'll be doing his club sport and take high level classes. I imagine he'll join a club or two at his high school and will do volunteer work, which is required by his school.
He's a little worried about having time for his sport (6/7 days per week) and homework, so I can't imagine trying to do that and juggle a part-time job as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If it helps, I have a bright but not an over-achiever rising 9th grade son. He'll be doing his club sport and take high level classes. I imagine he'll join a club or two at his high school and will do volunteer work, which is required by his school.
He's a little worried about having time for his sport (6/7 days per week) and homework, so I can't imagine trying to do that and juggle a part-time job as well.

Agree. This is ridiculous. I’m dreading the day we have to tell this kid to quit his job. At least you son has the self awareness to be nervous about his schedule.

Have you thought about what your decision points will be? I haven’t figured it out yet. Is it the first bad score on a test, his grades after the first month? I don’t want the be in a situation where we’re having this fight after a bad report card.