Attending ExMIL funeral

[Anonymous]

XDH and I divorced 15 years ago, no kids. I was very close to my in‐laws and especially my MIL. After the divorce I lost contact with them. She recently passed. Would it be OK to attend the funeral?

Fwiw, DH said I should go if I want to and XDH said the same when he called me to tell me of her passing. But i don't want to make it weird for their family if it would be.

[Anonymous]

It’s very kind of you to honor the connection you had with her. It speaks volumes that your ex-husband called you directly to tell you that she passed, and said you would be welcome. It speaks volumes that DH encouraged you to go.

You could maybe go to just the visitation, if there is one, as funerals are a bit more private?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very kind of you to honor the connection you had with her. It speaks volumes that your ex-husband called you directly to tell you that she passed, and said you would be welcome. It speaks volumes that DH encouraged you to go.

You could maybe go to just the visitation, if there is one, as funerals are a bit more private?

I think this is a matter of attendance. In my experience the visitation tends to be people much closer to the family. The actual funerals are generally bigger, and it is easy to sit in the back or wherever and not be on display as you are at visitations. But you can say something to X and XFIL at the funeral if you want or not.

I would definitely go to the funeral but not the visitation.

[Anonymous]

Yes it’s okay.

I’d go to the most public part of whatever type of event they are holding.

[Anonymous]

My dad came to my grandmother’s funeral, she was his former MIL. I think it was much appreciated by my mother and everyone else.

[Anonymous]

Yes, go. It's not weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s very kind of you to honor the connection you had with her. It speaks volumes that your ex-husband called you directly to tell you that she passed, and said you would be welcome. It speaks volumes that DH encouraged you to go.

You could maybe go to just the visitation, if there is one, as funerals are a bit more private?

Why do people think this? Unless you actually have a private service, it is not a private event.

[Anonymous]

Yes, go. Especially since your exDH said it would be okay.

[Anonymous]

Yes, go.

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, go. It's not weird.

This. You don't need to stay for long after if there's a reception. But give you condolences to your ex, and whoever else you still have fond feelings for. If they seem uncomfortable, take your leave and go. Arrive on time, don't sit in the front 3 rows, and you're fine.

[Anonymous]

You should go.

[Anonymous]

Yes definitely ok op. Very kind that he called you and that you'd like to go.

[Anonymous]

Yes go. Do not stay for dinner or after gathering. I think visitation is fine and service if you have time

[Anonymous]

Visitations sometimes are over multiple days. Just pick a time and go. Sign the book.