Team choice
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Anonymous
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12-year-old DD has played on the same travel softball team for years, basically since it started. She really likes the team, which includes her best friend, and while they're not great they win enough to be fun. She's one of the better players but the coach tends to play them evenly (except for pitchers/catchers, which she is not). On a whim she tried out for a team we saw at a recent tournament that she really liked and she made it. It's a much better team with non-parent coaches, as hers is. The older teams play nationally and have lots of college recruits. Those are the plusses.
The downsides: it's much further away from home (about 45 min each way or more), we won't have a carpool, it's probably an extra day per week of practice and she'll have a really heavy school load this year. My gut tells me she should stick with her team. She doesn't plan to play in college, she wants to keep up with her other extra-curriculars (band, another rec sport), and her current team is really nice and supportive. My husband really wants her to switch, saying we're giving up a chance for her to play at a much higher level with better coaching. DD is really torn and goes back and forth every time we discuss it. Anything else we should consider before making a decision? |
Anonymous
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If you turn down the better team offer, will you permanently burn bridges with that organization or any other higher level organization?
Similarly, if you take the offer with the higher level organization but decide it's not for your family, would you be able to return to your old team or organization, or would you be stuck hopping to try and find a different organization that's lower-key? Is there a cost difference (sounds like more travel at least at the higher age levels, for example) and how does that affect your family, if at all? Will there be expectations of more private lessons in the better organization? Does DD have time or interest if there is? Does either organization in any way connect to your DD's future high school? Does she want to play in high school? |
Anonymous
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Ugh, if it were the same commuting time I would say to give the new team a try but 45 mins each way would be a deal breaker for me.
Could you stick with the current team but put some of that time and funding towards some private coaching? Spending time with a supportive group that includes her best friend would be my choice at that age. Middle school is hard enough. |
Anonymous
| Is the other rec sport a winter sport? My daughter is on a high level 12u team and she plays a winter rec sport, but could not do spring or fall realistically. |
Anonymous
| You will likely lose most if not all of the relationships with the girls on her current team if she leaves. |
Anonymous
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OP here-
Thanks for the thoughtful responses- all of which are part of our considerations. Yes, I do worry about her losing her team friendships, mostly because they won't see each other. We also like the parents -- trying to recreate that on a new team seems daunting and I know it's not a given. She wants to play in HS but I don't think either team will help or hurt with that. If anything, I think she'd get better on the new team which would help her HS options. The new team costs more but again, it's a non-parent coach so that's to be expected. Her rec sport is in the fall. Also failed to mention that the new coach called us personally to say they think she's really talented and would be among the core of the team, so I'm not worried about her having a spot. I think she'll play more there than on her current team, where her coach generally plays people pretty evenly. |
Anonymous
| Have you spent some time looking at other team options? There is probably another team similar to the new team that is much closer to you. |
Anonymous
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General rule of thumb is to play on the best team you can make as long as you will get a decent amount of playing time.
I’d move her- Now is around the right time. I think if you don’t, you’ll wonder “what if?”. Also- a lot of these parent coached teams tend to suddenly blow up around this age anyway IME. There is no longevity or loyalty (from either the coach or parent end) on these travel teams |
Anonymous
Hm, based on OP's follow-on information (child in question wants to continue a fall rec sport and band plus take a heavy academic course load) I'm not sure the kid is actually on board with this best team. I mean - going to this team is losing at least an additional 3 hours a week of driving time (assuming practice 2x per week with 1.5 hours of driving for each practice). Sure homework can be done in the car I guess, but that alone probably kills doing the rec sport and takes away from instrument practice. |
Anonymous
| Ask your daughter to decide. Tell her there is no right or wrong decision because both teams have merit. Teach her to make a pro/con list. That’s what we did with our daughter. It was hard for her, but at the end of the process, she made the right decision for her. |
Anonymous
It's hard for a kid to make a pro-con list on something like this because they don't really know the cons. She knows she'll be leaving her friends but it's hard to understand that you may not gel with your new teammates the same way. She knows it's a longer drive but doesn't really understand that she'll be spending SO MUCH MORE time in the car. She knows the other team is better but doesn't know what it takes to be part of a better team (more expectations, more drills, more work?) |
Anonymous
At that age she is old enough to make the call. If you have to drive to and from the practice location to give her a sense of commute so be it. If she doesn’t seem to have an idea of the increased demands, have her attend a practice. Otherwise a 12 yo is capable. DS plays soccer and has always made the final decision on the team. We currently make a 45 minute drive each way (longer in traffic). I don’t like the drive but DS has had such an amazing experince on the team that I’m glad that he begged me to let him try out there instead of limiting him to closer clubs. The flip side is we have always told him we support him if he wants a break, to quit or to move to a lower level because the competition can be stressful. He needs to own his experience. What he tells us repeatedly is that playing at a lower level is frustrating and he wants to be challenged because he know it makes him a stronger player. |
Anonymous
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I wouldn’t be willing to drive 45 min+ each way multiple times per week at age 12 with no carpool. It’s too much time for me.
Don’t worry about college recruiting options. She’s way too young to think about that. The other rec sport would likely have to be dropped. You won’t have time. Is she willing to do that? I will likely be driving 45 min max, if there is bad traffic, for my 14 yo this year. She dropped all other sports and it’s the team she loves for many reasons. I wouldn’t do it if it was a min of 45 min. Traffic is too bad here and I’m too tired after work. |
Anonymous
| Op here- she’s staying with her current team. I think we’ll have lots of regrets when we see the other team at tournaments but she also could have regretted switching. Thanks for all the help! |
Anonymous
OP, I mentioned earlier that she would lose friendships. It isn't just about not seeing each other much. It is the leaving of a team you have been with for a long time for something better, the message being "I am too good for you guys now." I have seen a lot of people do it and regret it. Also, as for playing everyone equally, your coaches may get more serious and less "fair" as the girls get older. I know my daughter's coaches have. Not that they ever played everyone equally, but more so in the younger years than as they have gotten older. Good luck with this season and if there are regrets, she can always move down the road. But going back to a team you left is rarely an option--burned bridges and all. |