Senior Year - Online or Public School?

[Anonymous]

DC was in churchill in freshman year and had substance abuse issues due to getting involved with bad influence friends group. When diagnosed, had generalized anxiety disorder and take meds and do therapy. Completed sophomore and junior years thru online school with very good grades. Was not in touch with any of the wrong group of friends. Therapist wants dc to go back to public school for senior year as a prep for the college. DC says their mindset has changed and won't want to connect with bad influence friends. Not sure if going back to the same environment will make dc relapse as dc is impulsive, is very loyal to friends and and only thinks of the consequences after the damage is done. Then, dc truly regrets it. Has churchill become better or worse in terms of strict measures for drug usage, going out of school during school hours,etc. School counselor says it is up to DC and cannot be making constant checks on DC. What checks can be done by the parent at school? Not sure if need to take a chance and send back to the same environment or continue with online school for last year of school. Cannot afford private school.

[Anonymous]

What does your son think?

[Anonymous]

OP here - DC would like to complete senior year in person and not online.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DC was in churchill in freshman year and had substance abuse issues due to getting involved with bad influence friends group. When diagnosed, had generalized anxiety disorder and take meds and do therapy. Completed sophomore and junior years thru online school with very good grades. Was not in touch with any of the wrong group of friends. Therapist wants dc to go back to public school for senior year as a prep for the college. DC says their mindset has changed and won't want to connect with bad influence friends. Not sure if going back to the same environment will make dc relapse as dc is impulsive, is very loyal to friends and and only thinks of the consequences after the damage is done. Then, dc truly regrets it. Has churchill become better or worse in terms of strict measures for drug usage, going out of school during school hours,etc. School counselor says it is up to DC and cannot be making constant checks on DC. What checks can be done by the parent at school? Not sure if need to take a chance and send back to the same environment or continue with online school for last year of school. Cannot afford private school.

I completely agree that this is difficult, but you cannot count on the school and its policies to protect your DC from himself, and the counselor has also made that very clear. I think you have to assume that the environment is going to be just as tempting to DC as it ever was, and that it will take about five minutes for the negative influences to pop up. I wouldn't send my DC back under those circumstances. I'd keep them in online HS and add a couple of classes at community college instead, so that we could work on college acclimation together, from home, without the constant pressure from the negative HS environment that caused the problems in the first place. So short answer: NO, I wouldn't send DC back in person. New plans instead.

[Anonymous]

My son went back to his assigned MCPS school for 12th grade, after leaving in 9th during the Covid years and a stint abroad because of my husband's work. We too thought it would be best to have a non-virtual, US school experience, for college applications and as a transition to campus life.

Maybe it was indeed better than the alternatives, but it was also really HARD. He had had no issues with his 9th grade friends, but he did not reconnect with them in any meaningful way - they'd gone their separate ways. His math teacher took exception to the way he'd been taught math (curriculums didn't quite match) and DS had difficulty advocating for himself, which led to friction all year, despite the counselor's intervention.

DS found the college admissions process massively stressful, so I'm not sure that year would have gone well in any setting. He had a much better year as a college freshman!

So I don't know whether your kid will reconnect with his peer group, and whether he'll adjust to an in-person experience. What I can say is that this is going to be a transition year regardless, and you need to be there for him and support him as much as you can. It might be a shitty year, but if he can hoist himself into a decent college, it will be worth it. And he really start afresh in college!

Best of luck.

[Anonymous]

This is really tough. Would he plug into any sort of activity that might give him a new peer group?

Honestly, in your position I'd probably apply for a COSA. Yes, it's past the deadline but this is a pretty compelling case, in that he's a strong student and you have a legitimate concern about putting him back with the same peers.

You don't have to make this about whether Churchill enforces this or that, just make it about your kid needed a fresh start.

[Anonymous]

11:20 again. Is he medicated for ADHD? Kids who are very impulsive will tend to struggle with delayed gratification and make bad choices. ADHD meds help control the impulsivity. ADHD is often comorbid with anxiety, and sometimes one is misdiagnosed for the other (and it can go both ways).

[Anonymous]

OP here - DC has not been diagnosed with ADHD. As per psychiatrist and therapist, dc is learning and should adjust to connect to the emotion that leads to impulsive behavior so that it will help in controlling impulsiveness. As per them, though there will be challenges but the socialization and benefits to dc's development is critical to gain to deal with real world challenges.

[Anonymous]

Could you ask for a COSA to a different school, in hopes that he develops a new peer group?

Alternately, could he dual enroll at MC and take classes there?

[Anonymous]

OP here - DC can try COSA. School counselor suggested that as school counselor already knows dc, it will be helpful to be in the same school during the college application submission process. Also, DC is planning to take a couple of dual enrollment courses.

[Anonymous]

HS is very different from college. I am not sure it's going to help that much. I would keep him at the online school.

[Anonymous]

I would talk to you a son’s therapist and your son about your concerns and what system you can set up to mitigate them, given that the school can’t do checks. Then decide whether you are comfortable enough to allow it.

If you do do another year of online school, maybe he can take a gap year before college in Americorps or a similar service program to give him time to develop independence before college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:HS is very different from college. I am not sure it's going to help that much. I would keep him at the online school.

I agree with this. Nothing about a senior year in a public high school is "preparation" for college.

[Anonymous]

I would be really torn. And terrified. But I think the rationale makes sense so I’d probably do it. Better to be supported.

I’d probably make sure to have location app on and even connect so that you can see his texts and calls. Not foolproof by any means but it’s something.

[Anonymous]

I would listen to the therapist and what your son wants here, personally. I would recommend reading the Self Driven Child by Ned johnson. It might help bolster your confidence that this is the right thing to do. Your son needs to build confidence and know that you believe in him. I know it is hard, but he needs to lead this one.