Adult Sibling with mental issues living with Elderly parent - Help
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Anonymous
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Hello,
My mom lives in Georgia with my sibling (50 years old). My sister has mental illness and it is getting worse. A neighbor called me tonight saying that they can hear my sister screaming at my mom but also talking about things that are not real. The neighbor called the mental crisis line but when they called my mom back to let her know they were coming, my mom canceled the crisis unit from coming out. I live here. I believe my sister needs to be hospitalized, get on medication and continued therapy. Does anyone know how I start this process because my sister will not do this willingly. Do I need to find a family lawyer in Georgia? Just trying to figure out what I need to do. |
Anonymous
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LOL Good luck, especially if your mom is covering for her and she hasn’t (yet?) physically harmed your mother. Your mom is enabling her, and you have to accept that this is on your mom’s shoulders until she wakes up and asks for help to get rid of your sister.
Also, getting your sister to comply with getting therapy and help is probably not going to happen. Probably the best chance you have is talking to your mom and gauging her willingness force the issue with your sister. You can be there for your mom when your mom wakes up, but until then your mom has made her choices and you cannot lose your health over this. Signed, BTDT, multiple times |
Anonymous
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OP, I’m sorry you are going through this. In our country it is legal to have untreated mental illness.
The neighbor did the right thing by calling the mental health crisis line. Your Mom, however, cancelled the mental health outreach services. Your Mom is enabling and supports your sister in not getting treatment. Since you live out of state and both sister and Mom are okay with sister not getting treatment, there is not much you can do. |
Anonymous
| 2:13 again, My uncle had untreated schizophrenia the last 15-20 years of his life. It was horrible. My sister has untreated bipolar. The rage and yelling and mania has been horrible. |
Anonymous
| I would get my mother out of that house. |
Anonymous
| There really isn’t anything you can do. Just be there for your mom when she needs you. To prepare should that time come, you might want to research whether she would have to evict your sister is she wants your sister out and if so, figure out how. |
Anonymous
| OP the best advice I have is don’t listen to anyone that hasn’t dealt with this before. Try to get your sister in to see a doctor. Mental health is complicated. Your mom isn’t going have her adult child picked up, she is going to help her. Just as you would if this was your child. |
Anonymous
New poster- me too. My brother has untreated bipolar with delusions and mania, maybe schizoaffective. He “took care” of my elderly parents until they died. He had a lot of love but no self control and terrible habits. Lack of uninterrupted sleep made his mood and behavior worse. My father in particular saw if, but was too frail to do anything about it. We had other caregivers around so that was reassuring to me. My brother seems to be doing better now that my parents have passed on (took a while to get better), but in the depths of it, I could have written your post. My sympathies to you. This too shall pass, as all of us eventually do. Wishing you peace. |
Anonymous
Yeah, it’s next to impossible to involuntarily commit a mentally ill person who hasn’t harmed themselves or others and isn’t threatening to in a credible way. There aren’t even enough beds for people who meet that criteria. |
Anonymous
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Your mother may be afraid to involve the police for very legitimate fears of how police handle the mentally ill. In DMV area I have more confidence in police crisis training and services. But in Georgia it can be very traumatic if the wrong cops show up.
Many of the seriously mentally ill are blind to their own illness—many have no idea they are ill. So this whole talk of “bottoming out before voluntarily seeking help”, like a drug detox, is useless. I would call Georgia NAMI in her area or the Adult Services hotline to see if she can get a relationship with an outside support network. She could try for court-ordered treatment, but it’s difficult and costly. |
Anonymous
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Just putting this here in case this could be helpful to you, just general Georgia resources:
https://dbhdd.georgia.gov/be-dbhdd/be-supported/mental-health-adults/adult-mental-health-crisis-services |
Anonymous
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I'm so sorry, OP. What a conscientious neighbor your mother has.
I would try to get your mother into a nursing home, and sell it as a senior center where she can socialize and relax. If you need to help her sell the house, do so. |
Anonymous
| I'm in a similar situation, including the enabling/codependency. It sucks. Consider filling out /submitting paperwork for your sister for Section 8 housing or low-income senior housing (not sure the age in Georgia, but it is 55 where my sister/mom live, with a waitlist of 5+ years). |
Anonymous
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Make it clear you won't be taking care of sibling.
If mom has the will to do something, she may realize that she's not going to live forever and that if she wants some help for sibling, she needs to start now. |
Anonymous
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There’s amazingly little help for the mentally ill. Jails today have three times as many seriously mentally ill people as mental hospitals.
Georgia has a complicated process for involuntary treatment as listed here. https://www.georgialegalaid.org/resource/what-should-i-know-about-involuntary-treatment-for-mental-health-and-substance-abuse-issues |