Would you ask your employee this if you didn't plan to manage him/her out?

[Anonymous]

So on my midyear review, after six months in a new job (first time managing people), my boss delivers feedback that was a complete surprise that despite my team exceeding their midyear goals, he was expecting more from me in terms of leadership and that my team doesn't view me as a leader. What?!? Then over the course of an hour of circular feedback around this same theme, he asked me at least twice to be honest with myself and consider whether or not this is the right job for me.

I know I struggled with a steep learning curve, but I feel like I am mastering the technical piece of the job and now starting to try to improve my leadership/ coaching side of the role. Not only that, but I was dx'd with a pretty life-changing medical condition recently that caused me to have malnourishment issues that the doctor said very likely caused me to be forgetful and have difficulty concentrating (which I'd been frustrated with myself b/c i couldn't figure out why I was having trouble "learning" stuff) Now that I'm on a treatment plan for the past six weeks, I'm doing much, much better in that regard and feel very optimistic.

Sigh... I guess my question is, would a leader ask this kind of question rhetorically? It seems to me, once you ring that bell, you can't un-ring it. I expressed my own desire to seek out more coaching and leadership training in the first 20 minutes of the call, as I was seeking to further develop those skills as a first-time manager. I'm shocked that he didn't say anything in the first six months but stuffed it all up in a gunny-sack to smack me with at my midyear (which I was advised in giving my team their midyears, there is never supposed to be a surprise in the content of an employee review!).

Would he be issuing a challenge to see if I rise to it, is it a precursor to being shown the door, I'm just so shocked still....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So on my midyear review, after six months in a new job (first time managing people), my boss delivers feedback that was a complete surprise that despite my team exceeding their midyear goals, he was expecting more from me in terms of leadership and that my team doesn't view me as a leader. What?!? Then over the course of an hour of circular feedback around this same theme, he asked me at least twice to be honest with myself and consider whether or not this is the right job for me.

I know I struggled with a steep learning curve, but I feel like I am mastering the technical piece of the job and now starting to try to improve my leadership/ coaching side of the role. Not only that, but I was dx'd with a pretty life-changing medical condition recently that caused me to have malnourishment issues that the doctor said very likely caused me to be forgetful and have difficulty concentrating (which I'd been frustrated with myself b/c i couldn't figure out why I was having trouble "learning" stuff) Now that I'm on a treatment plan for the past six weeks, I'm doing much, much better in that regard and feel very optimistic.

Sigh... I guess my question is, would a leader ask this kind of question rhetorically? It seems to me, once you ring that bell, you can't un-ring it. I expressed my own desire to seek out more coaching and leadership training in the first 20 minutes of the call, as I was seeking to further develop those skills as a first-time manager. I'm shocked that he didn't say anything in the first six months but stuffed it all up in a gunny-sack to smack me with at my midyear (which I was advised in giving my team their midyears, there is never supposed to be a surprise in the content of an employee review!).

Would he be issuing a challenge to see if I rise to it, is it a precursor to being shown the door, I'm just so shocked still....

I completely agree that he should not have waited six months to tell you what you aren't doing right. After all, how can you correct something if you don't know what you are doing that is wrong? As for the team, this may not be true but he is telling you this to create some hostility. If you think it would be useful, have a team Happy Hour and ask if they have problems with your leadership. As I had something similar happen to me, I do think it is a precursor to the door. I'm so sorry because it hurts, particularly when your breaking your back to do your job and all you receive is negative feedback. Maybe you might want to put some feelers out about another position and beat them to the draw. I know, I'm speaking in platitudes. Sorry. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

It does not sound good. But they didn't let you go, either. Unless they do, you have a good amount of control.

A manager who does not give frequent feedback usually finds it difficult to deal with interpersonal conflict. They avoid negative conversations until things get bad, and even after they deliver the bad review, they do nothing to follow up. The typical pattern is for the manager to be relieved that the review is over, put it out of their mind and just get by hoping things change. Then a few quarters later, they reorganize in a way unfavorable to you or give you the "it's just not working out" speech.

Now you may not entirely agree with the feedback, but from your post it is clear that you recognize that there is a kernel of truth. If as you say, things have been looking up over the last six weeks, then the trend is in your favor. So here is what I would do:


Take charge of your own improvement plan. Set goals for your team and for yourself, review them with the boss, and then do regular updates (weekly, daily, bi-weekly, whatever makes sense but make them fairly frequent and regularly scheduled). The avoidant bosses' main hesitation with initiating this kind of thing is that these update meetings will be full of awkwardness or outright conflict, so they dread them. But if you are positive about wanting to do better, and you take the initiative, it says to him that you are doing something positive with the situation and that there is nothing to fear by engaging with you. Then he can open up a bit with actual helpful feedback, acknowledge improvements where they occur, and in general feel like the situation can be better than what it is today.

I am writing this as a boss who is often at the other end of the table, and who had to force himself to engage the struggling employee. I was better when I stopped avoiding the discomfort and got in there to work with the employee. Unfortunately it is not always rewarding as a boss, as you can imagine. But some of them do turn around, an occasionally one becomes a star.

[Anonymous]

Don't despair OP--I had bad review my first year at a big 4. BAD....like I was convinced I was going to be fired. This is after years of stellar reviews everywhere i worked. This was my first time managing as well. After swallowing that pill, I decided to do all in my power to change. I actually did a leadership survey to all on my team and the feedback was instrumental to me seeing my challenge areas. I put specific strategies in place to address these issues. Also, I took advantage of a career coach. Several years later, I am a top performer on the team.

So...my advice looking back. Don't take it too personal. Even if his comments on your performance are not really true, that means however, that for some reason, some people PERCEIVE you that way. Try to figure out why they might perceive you that way and then look at ways to prevent that perception. For me, it was alot of building confidence and learning how to better package my ideas, and how to influence those around me in a positive way. Good luck to you, not an easy road. However, if you like your job and it's part of your career goal then give it a shot. I feel so incredible that I turned it around.

[Anonymous]

21:42 gave you excellent advice.

I have an employee right now who was on the receiving end of some negative feedback and had he implemented some of those steps, he wouldn't be facing likely termination as the next step. Even if he didn't have immediate success, I would have been impressed by the initiative and effort.

Keep an eye on how your progress is received. It doesn't hurt to keep some feelers out there on other opportunities while you are implementing this plan.

[Anonymous]

Have there been layoffs/etc. in other parts of the company? I'm assuming the company is growing in terms of profit AND revenue. A flatlining company in terms of revenue can become a toxic environment, and your boss may be under pressure of his own to cut costs (i.e. you.)

Will your boss bother to provide feedback with any improvement plan or is he/she "too busy" to actually help you? A previous boss told me once that NOTHING in your annual review should be a surprise to you.

Lastly, is being a manager important to you? Is the pay rise worth the greater uncertainty and challenge? High-end non-management positions can pay $60-$120k in this area, but if you want the brass ring just look at the previous posters.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for all the great feedback. My stomach is a roiling ball of acid last night and today.

I do want to manage people, and I want to manage this team specifically. I don't back down from a challenge and was shocked to have a vote of no confidence after only 5 months in my midyear. What I have to determine is if my boss has a hidden agenda (ie, he already has someone identified he'd like to put in my job) or if he's open to helping me develop my leadership skills. If he's already made up his mind, it will be almost impossible to get a fair shake going forward.

I'm scared to death, and the stress now isn't going to help me perform BETTER, but I'm going to make the best effort I can over the next 4 months of this year and make it transparent in a plan with weekly feedback to him. He's very hands off and has been impossible to get a drop of feedback from for 6 months, not one bit. So I know now I'll really have to draw it out of him, he's not going to offer it. Long term, probably not a good place for me under his leadership unless I can win him over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for all the great feedback. My stomach is a roiling ball of acid last night and today.

I do want to manage people, and I want to manage this team specifically. I don't back down from a challenge and was shocked to have a vote of no confidence after only 5 months in my midyear. What I have to determine is if my boss has a hidden agenda (ie, he already has someone identified he'd like to put in my job) or if he's open to helping me develop my leadership skills. If he's already made up his mind, it will be almost impossible to get a fair shake going forward.

I'm scared to death, and the stress now isn't going to help me perform BETTER, but I'm going to make the best effort I can over the next 4 months of this year and make it transparent in a plan with weekly feedback to him. He's very hands off and has been impossible to get a drop of feedback from for 6 months, not one bit. So I know now I'll really have to draw it out of him, he's not going to offer it. Long term, probably not a good place for me under his leadership unless I can win him over.

I can understand why you are stressed. When the two of you were discussing your performance plan, how did he explain the fact your team overall is hitting and exceeding all of its targets? To me this would be a good indicator that you are doing the job. Was it necessary for him to step in and accomplish the objectives? While I think that would give him a legitimate beef I would imagine it could also be explained by the fact you are new to the job and still learning. It sounds like he has high expectations (5 months is a really short time period since this is a new position) and might not be a very good manager himself. I remember going through something very similar when I first graduated from college and had my first team to manage. I didn't have a clue what I was doing and my manager did a lousy job training me, but he thought throwing out witty platitudes should be my guiding force. He would say things like "change one thing, any thing, but make a change." It was not a good experience for either one of us. Ironically we are very good friends and we still argue about those months -- it's been 20 years.


I also agree that no performance appraisal should ever come as a surprise. I think this again goes back to him not being a good manager. Maybe he's the one who is getting pressured from above.

[Anonymous]

Not the OP but just wanted to say thanks, PPs, for your insights. I'm learning a lot!

[Anonymous]

This is an interesting topic. To the PP who did a leadership survey -- how did you do this? Are there any good online resources for crafting one? I work for the USG and I don't really find a lot of good information about managing people through my employer.

[Anonymous]

Just wanted to tell you to be mindful that as you are asking for more feedback and support, be careful that your boss does not miscontrue your intentions as needing him to micromanage, needing to involve him in everything, needing him to solve your problems etc.

This is a trap a lot of women can fall into when they look for collaboration but it is perceived as being weak, not having initiative to do it on your own, etc. Be careful your solution doesn't grow the problem. Project strength and decisiveness to your boss, and try hard to improve communication with your team.

Also, could be someone on the team is unhappy and has the boss's ear. Try to work on any interpersonal issues/sources of conflict with your team members. What you want is a happy team (feels supported, motivated, listened to), and a happy boss (has confidence in you and knows you have it under control).

[Anonymous]

I was PP who did survey, it was through the talent group where I work. It was a Lominger survey, and it is based on competencies around leadership. Such competencies as communications, project management, etc. It's a good way to organize and structure strategies to overcome challenge areas.

http://www.lominger.com/

[Anonymous]

Thank you all for the great feedback on my situation. I am working on my next conversation with my boss and have a solid plan ready to share with him, many elements I've gleaned from the nuggets shared here.

[Anonymous]

Go read Daniel Goleman's 6 leadership styles. You also need the manage the style of your boss - an unhelpful one and one that drives me crazy.

[Anonymous]

Would you try to learn how to work for this person, or start trying to get another job in a different division of the company? This person is brusque and interacts with all levels this way.