Marriage as social mobility for women

[Anonymous]

We tend to think that women using marriage for social mobility is an archaic trope reserved for Jane Austen novels but a quick observation of the social landscape today would prove advantageous marriages are still the norm.

Every single woman I know married “ up.” I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

I’m curious how likely it is for most women to move up socially through education and career alone.

[Anonymous]

How weird. Most women I know married down or are single. Most women I know are bright well-educated women with good careers and good income. They end up with guys who aren't hard workers or expect them to take on the nearly full load of parenting.

I don't know any women who looks at marrying as a form of social climbing - men are unreliable: as much as his social status/income can help a women rise, when the man divorces or behaves badly the woman is stuck in a very bad position. Bo one wants to rely on a man. Better to rely on oneself.

[Anonymous]

I was born poor to a family of high school drop outs. I worked my ass off to get an education and a successful career. I married an equal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We tend to think that women using marriage for social mobility is an archaic trope reserved for Jane Austen novels but a quick observation of the social landscape today would prove advantageous marriages are still the norm.

Every single woman I know married “ up.” I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

I’m curious how likely it is for most women to move up socially through education and career alone.

Well the type of women who were raised to think a man is a plan/meal ticket…are going to walk that path.

I have PhD. Some of my friends make more than their husbands, or have stay at home husbands. Some are internationally renowned and have no husband. They definitely did not grow up with the notion that success translates only into income or that you need to hook your wagon into some else’s to succeed.

If we want to evolve as a gender, we need to raise our children in homes where both parents are independent. And both parents contribute to caretaking, home making and financial support. That is what equality looks like.

[Anonymous]

Op sounds like your friend group is pretty low value, if they all had room to marry up. My friends are all ppl I met in college, law school, competitive jobs, etc so they pretty much all married their peers or married down (on wealth and “social class”) since they couldn’t go up too much.

[Anonymous]

The only one I know who married 'up' came from an extremely dysfunctional/trashy family and she has a personality disorder. She has married 'up' twice. It is something to behold.

The rest of us married within the same bands.

[Anonymous]

I married "down." My husband is a blue collar guy who happens to have a law degree. He works only for money, just like he went to law school solely for the cash. His father was the first person in his family to have a college degree, whereas all four of my grandparents have at least two year degrees.

[Anonymous]

That is the first respectable thing I have heard about lawyer.

[Anonymous]

This is not what I see within my extended family on either side.

[Anonymous]

By "up" are you talking about money or social class? Because on dcum that is the ever going debate.

[Anonymous]

It's apparently common enough to prompt some of the class, old money, income level, what to wear, is this trashy questions on DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We tend to think that women using marriage for social mobility is an archaic trope reserved for Jane Austen novels but a quick observation of the social landscape today would prove advantageous marriages are still the norm.

Every single woman I know married “ up.” I don’t think it’s a coincidence.

I’m curious how likely it is for most women to move up socially through education and career alone.

If all women are marrying up then what's happening to women who are already up there?

At least in my circle percentage for women marrying up, down and similar are pretty even.

[Anonymous]

No one I know moved up. We are all college educated. I know three stay at home dads. They hit the lottery with their wives making millions. And data points to an imbalance with more women being college educated than men. All of my college roommates make more than their husbands. I guess It’s the company you keep OP.

[Anonymous]

All my female friends went to college or grad school. They married college grads but not necessarily high earners. A couple are stay at home dads and work on passion projects. Those of us who married high achievers are either divorced or have a lot of childcare help.

I think it makes sense for professional women to marry men who are more nurturing and supportive.

[Anonymous]

Weird. Every single woman I know married an equal, give or take.

Years later, some of the guys’ careers skyrocketed while their wives stuck to family-friendly work arrangements, but they started out on the same footing.